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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You say, no, I'm not ready to go yet as I just got here, and I'd like to visit with you for a while. Make it about you going and not him. And when you are ready to go and he asks again, you can then tell him that yes, now you are ready to go, and leave him out of the equation.
Delay is good “not yet” Avoidance is good “it’s beautiful today, let’s enjoy looking outside” Humor is good “of course not, I came to enjoy your handsome face”
Go where? Does he mean leave, or does he mean to die? Does he even mean the same every time? I can only suggest that you try to tell by his behaviour whether he has had enough - even if you have only been there 5 minutes - in which case leave. (People do tire very quickly as they get older) Or if he is saying "you're not going yet are you?" Not easy its probably a play it by ear each time and go with what you feel at the time.
My father is currently in the hospital recovering from a stroke, and has severe brain bruising as a result. We’ve tried, but he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing there. On bad days, he thinks he’s being held hostage and tries to escape. He frequently tries to enlist help from my mother to escape.
Distraction is your number friend here. I say things like, “Maybe later. First I want to see what you’re getting for lunch!” Or I go the “yes, later this afternoon” route which puts him off. Of course, he won’t remember the afternoon, but it puts him off long enough that I can introduce a new distraction and get him to forget about wanting to leave.
I also don’t tell him when I’m leaving anymore. I feel bad about this, but even if I’ve been there a couple of hours, he feels like I’ve just arrived, and can get weepy when I go to leave. I’ve found if I just say I’m going to the bathroom and I’ll be back in a minute, it’s less stressful on him and he doesn’t remember later on.
My daughter always told my Mom she was on her way to work. We never said the word home. I would say, I am leaving now. Mom always seemed satisfied with the "going to work" thing.
My first reaction was “not yet” or if you walk around the grounds with him or take him out sometimes “where do you want to go?”. As I thought about it more another possibility occurred to me; Does he say this to everyone or might it be his greeting to you because it has some meaning connected to you, for instance it’s what he said to you every time you left the house for soccer practice on Saturdays or before a special trip the two of you made together. It may not be something you even remember as being so significant but perhaps it was very significant to your dad for some reason. Maybe it’s just his brains way of acknowledging his love for you, his memory of a particular time between you? I’m not saying this is likely just that it’s possible with dementia and I think a lovely thought but of course not an answer on how to respond other than the same way as you would if his greeting were “hello” because it’s just his pet greeting to you.
My mom would do that. She was still living at home and I would be talking with her and she'd say, we'll let's get the car loaded, I'm ready to go home. I would tell her ok but we'd have to wait till the weekend because of getting the oil changed or tires or breaks, whatever. Or if it was at night I'd tell her that we don't drive at night anymore. I'd also say I just got there and wanted to visit. They don't want to hear that they can't. Period. So you try and appease them with the answer they want but a reason for delay. Also try and redirect as much as possible. My heart goes out to you. It's a terrible disease!
I agree - make up a white lie, like you are going to get the car moved closer and then get him; or say you need to do an errand first, etc. You get the idea. Then distract them and when it looks good to go, just disappear. They forget very quickly.
I assume you think he means "come on let's go [from this place]" and if he's physically capable, I'd recommend taking him for a drive and a milkshake and when you return him to the facility, refer to it as "we" are going to "our" home to get some sleep, then stay while he gets ready for bed.
My mother does this exact thing. I usually tell her that she's there for therapy (she's in a wheelchair) to get stronger so she can walk again and that normally appeases her. When she tells me over the phone that she's ready to go home I just say that I'll be there after I get off work and then she forgets. I've also arranged with the nursing home staff that if my mother asks to call her mom and dad (obviously deceased) that her dad is at work and her mom is watching Tina. (My grandma always watched my cousin Tina) This is factual information from the time period my mom currently remembers so this makes sense to her and she is fine.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Distraction is your number friend here. I say things like, “Maybe later. First I want to see what you’re getting for lunch!” Or I go the “yes, later this afternoon” route which puts him off. Of course, he won’t remember the afternoon, but it puts him off long enough that I can introduce a new distraction and get him to forget about wanting to leave.
I also don’t tell him when I’m leaving anymore. I feel bad about this, but even if I’ve been there a couple of hours, he feels like I’ve just arrived, and can get weepy when I go to leave. I’ve found if I just say I’m going to the bathroom and I’ll be back in a minute, it’s less stressful on him and he doesn’t remember later on.