Whenever he has a medical problem that I have to call to her attention she gets angry and acts as though he doesn’t have a problem at all. About five days ago the fire alarm was pulled at night and in the confusion he fell going out of his room. He has a bruised knee that is bothering him and to further confuse matters first denied it was bothering him. After days of ‘it’s better’ it’s actually not better. I called her in to ask her to have someone come and look and take an x-ray to rule out a small fracture. She went ballistic and said he would be in excruciating pain if he had a fracture and then proceeded to very forcefully move his leg up and down on the bed to prove it. (I told her to stop that). Then she got on her hands and knees in his bed and got right up in his face his face telling him he had to wait 5 days till the MD resident came back to see him he wasn’t listening to her. We ended this nastiness by not knowing if she was going to order an X-ray or not.
I am afraid to make too much of a stink because I actually feel this woman could be dangerous (and I have been a caregiver for over 20 years to parents and sibs) and I don’t want to provoke her further. It is the first time I have actually encountered someone who I thought was pathological.
Any advice appreciated.
If you feel stonewalled within the facility there are outside agencies you can contact. Hopefully other knowledgeable posters will offer their seasoned advice. I hope you find a solution quickly.
Don't bit the hand that feeds you kind of thing. Untill you have a plan anyways.
Best of luck.
This might be a good time to research this.
I’m so sorry this is happening.
So sorry this is happening and hope you will update us after speaking to the administration.
Is this an RN? LPN? Yes, talk to the Administrator. There may have been other complaints. Also, if there is another nurse that can deal with Dad, request it.
What I did was get friendly with the family of other patients in the nursing home and the aide (CNA) staff. These are the people you want to be on the good side of. Also, you have to get your face seen all the time and at all different times. They need to know that they don't know when you'll be popping in.
It's a headgame with nursing home staff. You have to keep them on their toes. If you do, your loved one will get treated right,
I wanted eyes inside the facility my father was in, so I got friendly with the aides. Especially one who worked the same shift as this nurse. I told her if she looked out for my father and recorded any incidents with this nurse, I'd make it worth her while and I did.
You can never let the staff or administration of any care facility relax.
I would also document each further incident and report it. (difficult to report past incidents but it can be useful to show a pattern.)
You also don't know if others have reported the same behavior. So informing administration is crucial.
I want to start by telling you how sorry I am that your poor father is being treated so badly by a nurse. I had a couple at the facility my father was in who behaved badly and very unprofessional. One in particular. Here is how I handled it.
First I made a call to my state's Ombudman's Office and told them what was going on and said it had to be investigated or I'd be forced to take matters into my own hands by involving the police and personal injury lawyers who specialize in elder abuse in nursing homes.
Your father is being abused by this nurse. So if I may speak plainly as I do, you have to put the fear of yourself and God into her. The same way I had to a couple of times. When she got into your father's bed on all fours and and in his face, you should have pulled your phone out and recorded it. Then you bring it to the police and the Ombudsman and you don't take no for an answer. Name this nurse personally. Set up cameras in his room where you can view the footage from your phone any time day or night. If the facility doesn't like it, TFB.
One nurse was getting aggressive with my father and being very rough forcing the meds in his mouth. He wasn't taking them fast enough. She thought they were alone until the door to the room shut because I was hiding behind it. With my phone and making a movie. I only had two words for this woman, 'smile, b*tch'. That footage went straight to the DON and the Ombudsman.
She was not allowed to care for my father for the rest of his stay in that facility. I moved him to a different facility. I did however make it my personal mission to get this nurse's license taken away or at least suspended. It finally happened two years after my father passed away. He wasn't the only patient she behaved that way to. It was my genuine pleasure to sit in the gallery at the licensing board (which is open to the public in my state) and watch her squirm and try to explain herself. I waved to her a couple times. She remembered me.
Elderly people can be abusive and get on a person's last nerve. No one knows that better than me. I was a homecare worker for 25 years. My father couldn't speak and was a bedridden invalid though. He was unable to behave abusively.
You need to make this nurse's life a living hell. You be relentless to the administration of the facility. Do not let up. Do not let them railroad you into backing down. Threaten with litigation if you have to. Then go straight to a lawyer. Don't let that nurse or the facility who employs her get away with it.
In the meantime, start looking at different facilities to place your father in.
If possible state facts and leave emotions in check (my major failing), What this nurse is doing is elder abuse, plain and simple and should not be allowed to continue.
Best wishes
We should never stay quiet about such things. Nurses like these mentioned have no business working in the field and potentially killing or at least abusing patients like our fathers. Speak your truth about this incident and make sure this nurse never attends to your dad again.
The nurse does what her boss tells her to do. You tell her boss what to do.
In general only ask the nurse things she can do right there and right then.
Anything requiring other people should be discussed with her boss.
Heat, cool, bed dressings, adjustments, vitals, she can likely do herself.
X-rays, and other tests she likely can't.
While you should limit what you ask of her she too must limit how she handles your Dad. You need to tell her boss exactly what she did with your Dad's knee after that fall. That is not about making a stink. The doctor needs that information.
I work in nursing homes everyday, and while I do run into some really nasty nurses and other staff, this behavior is really unusual and Frankly, Reportable to her supervisors/admin. So that would be my suggestion to you. Report it to Admin.
It is important to keep your own experience separate from making judgments about this woman's experience of how her dad is being 'cared' for by a nurse.
The issue here is how to deal with this abusive behavior. It is abusive or do you disagree?
End result, he did not do the task that is required of the state, and now they're looking to fill the SW position (again).
Nurses burnout justvlike everyone else. When this happens, time to find another job.
If you aren't sure how to locate one for your county, area, etc. I suggest contacting your most local "Center for Independent Living" and asking them for the number of an Ombudsman.
I just had to call one not long ago for an older couple who sort of adopted me. I can relate to that feeling of not wanting to potentially cause problems. The unfortunate part to also consider is that perhaps this employee is doing the same to other residents.
I'm so sorry that you are both experiencing this situation. I hope the information I provided is helpful. Both the Ombudsman and the Center for Independent Living are nonprofits.
I get nurses get overworked & can experience burnout & compassion fatigue. This is no excuse for agressive behaviour.
Try to remain respectful yourself, regardless. Give this person no ammunition against you.
If this nurse's manner does not improve, report it in writing/email to her Manager. Suggest two solutions: an immediate improvement in professional & respectful conduct or for this staff member to have no contact with your Father. Ask for the Manager to schedule a followup call with you to ensure there is followup.
Sounds like this nurse should be fired and certainly not working with this population.
Track / Document every interaction.
- Date, time, who is there, situation. Keep good notes.
- Photograph / on your cell ph as much as you can (although if it becomes a legal issue, in my experience (photos) then 'heresay' by a 3rd party and not admissible.
Discuss with Administrator of facility.
Discuss with Dept Mgr.
Does the facility have another nurse they could provide to your dad? --- Get her out of there.
Report situation to Umbudsman.
Call / contact the Licensing Board (who license the facilities). I reported a nursing home to them. Document situation.
I would make a huge stink - I would tell her what is acceptable and what is not.
Although I understand your situation not wanting to rock the boat anymore than you have directly with her.
Could it have to do w race? Not that you could/would know.
Anyone could 'behave' like this. And, working with this population, you'd hope - if not expect professionals to be compassionate to older people, people denying, frail, dependent on others' to care for them, people nearing death. This is WHY they work with this population - because they care. It is certainly why I am in the field (ind care mgmt).
* Can you move your dad out of there?
* Can you get / hire caregivers to be there when you are not?
- even volunteers or students; ask them to watch, take/keep notes.
Any 'professional' in this environment going 'ballistic' is clearly a huge red flag.
I would be very curious to hear what the facility administrator says.
- How this nurse is re-acting / responding / ' caring' for your dad cannot be an isolated case.
* Check and see if this facility has been reported (already) to Licensing Board and the Better Business Bureau. There may be a history of abusive behavior.
This is a heart-wrenching situation to hear about. Although I know, I was documenting my friend-companion's situation at a nursing home almost every visit (3-4 x/ week), and reporting to Umbudsman.
Equally, I tried to maintain 'good' relationships with the 'good' caregivers / CNA's. However, you are speaking about a NURSE. She should not be working there - she should be fired.
I believe the turnover can be severe at these facilities.
Facilities may feel they are at the mercy of 'any' employee due to difficulty hiring another.
Still, that is NO reason to keep an employee behaving like this. The facility needs to be put on alert - penalized, lose their license - otherwise they will keep doing / allowing what is happening.
It would be 'good' if you could get a witness to observe this / her behavior, with you.
Gena / Touch Matters
Thanks again :-)
Thanks for asking. The ED seems very upset by this and apologized profusely. She said she would launch and ‘investigation’. I will meet with her over the weekend. I have not encountered this nurse on my subsequent visits but want to now talk to other family members. My father has finally been assigned an aide that he compliments constantly so at least there is that.
I will let you know the results from follow up this weekend.