Daddy is 87, has dementia, COPD, CHF and kidney disease. His license was taken away medically, yet he believes he will get it back, because no doctor will tell him otherwise. He gets to the gym, bowls in a bowling league 2 nights a week and golfs two days a week. Yet this is not enough for him. He is angry all the time talking about not being able to drive and go where he wants to go when, means life isn't worth living. Not sure how to make him understand that he cannot keep going like he did when he was in his 60s.
It sounds like your dad is a very active 87 year old and it sounds like he has been that way his life.
The dementia alone would kill him as would the COPD, CHF and the kidney disease. And I am sure making him sit home will kill him as well.
If it is the not driving that bothers him so much just tell him that the doctor will let him know when he can resume driving. Obviously that will not happen so he can continue getting rides from friends, or other means of transportation.
If he is bowling with friends, golfing with friends they will be with him if anything happens. I am going to assume (never a good thing) that they are aware of your dad's health problems.
Your dad will die. That is a fact. The best thing you can do is to respect his wishes as difficult as that might be.
I will revise this a bit. He may be curtailed a bit anyway since many places will be closed down for a while you should try to get him involved with other tasks he can do around the house. That list of .."we should do......" get rid of the extra junk in the garage, clear the basement, give each room a good deep clean. All the stuff we usually put off cuz we are too busy.
Think of hobbies he can do at home or have him invite a friend over for a hobby and lunch
Sometimes it easier with others...
When mu aunt forgot where she parked, and had the police look for her vehicle. they demanded an appontment... she forgot, her license was revoked.. end of story.
I took care of my dad and I drove him places but he accepted it with grace and humility. Big difference, but it still took a bit of time for my dad to adjust to his new situation.
You have a very difficult situation. Just want to offer support and say that I am sorry that you are struggling with this.
That's not right---sorry..
I could erase... but I need to blog... blog and blog and blog... This site is my therapy.
Are there social taxi's or senior vans for transportation?
Look to the local libraries, or court houses for support.
So, you may want to set up and actual written test and driving test with DMV.
Or, get rid of the car that is staring him in the face.
It's a bitter pill to swallow, but true.
His reality is no longer your reality and no amount of logic or reasoning will change his mind.
Since he can no longer drive, who is taking him to all his activities?
As long as it's not a burden on you and your family, let him do as much as he can for as long as he can.
God bless!
Man--you cannot complain about having too much energy! Being outdoors is probably the safest place he can be.
Let him golf every day if you can!
What would that look like, anyway? When you say understand, do you actually mean "gracefully accept"?
I should start by imagining yourself in his shoes and how you would feel if it were you. Suppose you had to wait for somebody to take you whenever you wanted to go somewhere? - immediately, I guarantee, you would start thinking of all the places and events you don't normally bother with but would like to attend in *theory* - and now you can't. Even the thought is frustrating, and for him this has really happened.
How is he getting to the gym, the bowling nights and the golf club? - !!! I have to agree that is a pretty full schedule for an 87 year old :)