She’s never liked the caregiver but recognized that she needs help. Now the caregiver is attempting to gaslight my friend and she has had enough. She will also be moving out of state in 6 months, but does not want to spend the next six months with someone she doesn’t like.
The suggestion by other posters that your friend should put up with this person just because they might be a protected class is nonsense. Caregiving is a very up close and personal thing. She shouldn't spend one more minute with someone she isn't comfortable with. Anyone can be hired and anyone can be fired.
Lesson learned by your friend is never hire a caregiver that you dislike.
Has your friend actually talked to the caregiver about the unacceptable behaviors? I’d highly recommend such a discussion. Be calm, specific and document everything. To minimize legal risks, I’d have such a discussion, but probably ride out the remaining 6 months, then just follow through with the out-of-state move.
If your friend does decide to terminate earlier, less is more. Just tell the caregiver that her employment is being terminated (make sure there is a witness). For heavens sake, don’t lie (even a little white lie). If the caregiver is out for blood, such white lies are apt to come up in the event of a lawsuit.
Also, your friend needs to be careful if the caregiver is protected class (black, Hispanic, Native American, etc.). If the caregiver is a protected class employee, then an argument could be made that the person was let go because of their race…especially if the caregiver is replaced with someone who is white. (In the world we live in now such a claim can be made regardless of your intent or motivations).
Also, be careful giving references. Again, less is more. I’d be inclined to tell that caregiver that you never give references (good or bad). If you feel you must give a reference, only say that the caregiver worked for you between such and such dates and her duties. Under no circumstances should you go beyond this and say why this person is not in your employ and don’t say or imply anything good or bad. If the former employee fails get a new position and can in any way claim that it was related to a reference…that can lead to a lawsuit.
Another thought is how the caregiver is being paid…you indicated that this was a “private” caregiver. Is you friend withholding income taxes and fica, then submitting the funds and requisite forms to the government? Is your friend paying employer taxes (fica, Medicare and unemployment)? If the answers are “no”, a vindictive former employee can file a complaint with taxing authorities. While not the end of the world, your friend would be liable for the unpaid tax obligations plus interest and penalties and probably have to pay for a CPA or lawyer to formally address the sues with the tax authorities.
Personally, I wouldn’t give severance, because it could be construed you are paying this amount to cover up some problem, rather than just trying to “do the right thing”.
Bottom line, it’s just for six months. The easiest approach is to just talk to the caregiver about the problem. Then ride out the last six months or expedite your friends move date.
We live in a very litigious society right now, so it’s important to limit your exposure. Sorry to be a negative Nelly.
I found my caregiver from a church: retired, needed extra income. On SS they can't make too much so will probably come at a good price (not to mention good references). Went through 3. the last one was a keeper, and she was with us at his bedside when he passed.
Look at it from this viewpoint - the bad caregiver could live forever, but your parent won't. Parent is numero uno, even if you have to make someone mad. I became the bad guy in many situations and trust me, I've always been the peacemaker.
There's replacement help on this site or in calling, "A Place for Mom."
Tell your friend to make an appointment with her hair dresser. You or someone should be present to take her to that hair dresser and a lunch date.
Your friend could say to the caregiver - Thank you so much for your skilled help. You've been a treasure but I just received exciting news, that I maybe moving sooner and a cousin, (from the state your moving to), has business in town, she needs a place to stay, and will help me with care, paperwork and my move.
You've been so terrific. I have your pay ready in this envelope [plus a gift of a little extra (if you care to do that)]. My cousin will need the keys. I'm so excited.
Follow-up with lots of pleasant exchanges, some praises, good wishes, good bye, and enjoy lunch.
It was a bad choice, and it could be argued that your friends is just as guilty as the caregiver.
I also would consider just creating an excuse for not needing her services any more, as if there is friction in the relationship already, there's no need to aggravate it. One never knows how someone will respond, and this caregiver may be someone who retaliates.
Severance pay is a good move; it allows your friend and the caregiver to part on good terms, and this could be beneficial for both.
I'm also curious though how she's "gaslighting" your friend.
I think letting the aide go should be done in person. When she comes to work, you can tell her that its not working and your letting her go. Two weeks additional pay will give her time to find another job. I will be that is more than other clients have done. We have a right to "fire" people. If she is like you say she is, she probably has been fired before.
She needs to tell the CG that things aren't working out as expected, her services are no longer required, thank you, goodbye & good luck. You can give her two weeks notice or pay her for two weeks, which is preferable to me to get her out on the spot and not have her lingering around for 2 weeks. Paying her a month severance pay is uncalled for, in my opinion, unless she was a long term employee. I agree with making no mention of a reference; why recommend someone you're firing for 'gaslighting'???
Sometimes it takes time to realize it’s not a fit or can no longer be a fit.
If she's been playing mind games, your friend should have the money owed her ready to hand to her, and escort her out the door. Have someone else there with her when she does this if she thinks the caregiver might cause trouble. Be sure to get any keys she might have, and be sure to change the locks or passwords to your internet -- anything she might be privy to.
Be straightforward, unemotional, and there is no need to make explanations. Your friend is the employer, and she can fire anyone she pleases. She does not owe her an explanation.
I would tell the lady that moms looking to move in with family or to a facility immediately. There is no need to go over performance at this point.
If the OP's friend doesn't employ her caregiver legally, take taxes put, and pay into social security and unemployment insurance then the caregiver can't collect. So giving her severance's pay woule be the right thing to do.
Give her two-weeks notice and a month's severance pay. That's the decent thing to do, but no reference.
If she's not a good caregiver and there's all this alleged gaslighting going on, I would not send her off to another position with some other unsuspecting person in need of care.
You or someone else close to your friend should stay at her house for the two weeks while the caregiver packs up and transitions out.
On the other hand ‘two-weeks notice and a month's severance pay’ is over the top for an hourly paid casual worker. And two weeks supervision ‘while the caregiver packs up and transitions out’ is simply impossible.
I know you think that carers have a hard time, but this is unusually unrealistic from you!
When it comes to getting rid of the gaslighter, I like Margaret's simple approach: give notice according to whatever was agreed at the time of hiring - and I agree that it would be best to pay for the time and let her go, you don't want someone who's potentially resentful working out her notice period in your house - offer a reference, and leave it there. The caregiver isn't owed any further explanation and I'd avoid it. Your friend could probably do without the hassle.
What form does the gaslighting take? Is it serious - possibly posing a risk to future vulnerable clients - or just annoying?
If your friend wants to be nicer, she can give 2 weeks notice so that the carer can make other arrangements.
If the relationship is not good, it may avoid problems to give 2 weeks pay in lieu of notice - PARTICULARLY if she is not clear about insurance for accidents. Expensive last minute accidents (even computer sabotage) is the reason why employees are often escorted off the site immediately after being fired.
If your friend wants to make up a story for an excuse, go for something like ‘my family want other arrangements in place before I go away in 6 months’ or ‘my dear dear cousin is going into a NH and has BEGGED me to take on her dear dear 20 year caretaker, and I just can’t say no’. Or anything else that comes to mind.