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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I don't know that you CAN step in and try to do something about this situation without losing your grandmother's trust. Such is the nature of the hoarding beast, which is riddled with secrecy and an incredibly strong desire to have things stay exactly as is. No dumping, no throwing away, no organizing, nothing.
That said, if you feel your grandmother is in danger due to being 90 years old, having dementia and living in a hoard, I'd call APS and have her evaluated. That way, you won't be the Bad Guy, per se, just the snitch who CALLED APS...........lol. It's not funny, I know.........but there's really very little you can do here, short of calling in the authorities to save her from herself.
Either that or wait until she gets hurt and rushed to the ER. They probably will not be willing to release her to live independently afterward, so that's when you can step in and have her placed in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.
What is your definition of "stepping in"? If you do not have her PoA, you can't make her do anything against her will if she has a sound mind. Hoarding is a mental illness that requires counseling by a trained therapist.
Whatever you do, do NOT attempt to clean up her mess. She will no longer trust you or listen to you and you will exhaust yourself physically and emotionally. She will fill up her house with junk again and waste money doing it. I understand your concern for her. If no one has PoA for her and she is resistant to any solutions for her best interest you should report her to social services as a vulnerable adult and she'll be on their radar. They will eventually get guardianship over her and she will get the care she needs. If she is in her own home you can encourage her neighbors to report her residence so that the city comes to inspect it and my require a clean-up or it will be condemned. I'm so sorry for this situation. It is very common but there is hope for her. It just won't be a fast, or pretty, process.
I am here POA but I can't make her leave her home. The doctors and community are very aware of her living arrangements but won't say anything because they love her. She keeps the outside cleaned so no one can see on the inside. She has always been a "collector of things" but it didn't get this bad until she lost my grandfather almost 14 years ago. There is family close by but they have washed their hands. Sadly, I'm one of the only ones left that still check on her. I am 4 hours away and jugging my family, work and taking care of her is taking its toll. My sister helps when she can but its mostly me and a few of her late friends daughters who keep me up to date when can't be there. Im worried about her health and her driving. I can't even get the local police to turn her in driving 85 down a 30mph street. And you are correct about helping to clean up. What my sis and I did clean up didn't last very long and she has some ill feelings towards some that helped. The only thing that did work was the front porch she cleaned by herself. She fell 2 weeks ago and split open her elbow and has been unsteady ever since. She has cellulitis from her home and the Dr. today only suggested she not be along. She agreed until they left the room then she shook her head no. She is 90 but can hold her own mentally. Physically she is wiped out.
Get social services involved. Her health and general wellbeing is at risk. Call a Pastor if she has one. Take her on a vacation and have family come in and do a cleaning and purging. She may hate what you have done but maybe she will realize you loved her enough to make sure she is safe and comfortable. Sell things of value and items she no longer needs. You can anonymously report unsafe drivers to the Dept of Motor vehicles. They send a letter asking her to come in. If she does not show up a 2nd letter is sent. Still a no show they revoke her license. Next step is that they could arrest her if caught driving on a suspended license. She is risking lives of others plus her own. Any accident she causes she could be sued and lose everything she owns. She needs psychological help.
Thank you! I do believe this is the route I'm going to have to take. I've already looked up the elder care services where she lives. She does need psychological help and we do need her off the streets. Thank you for your post and reassuring me I am heading in the right direction. Her health and safety along with the health and safety of her town are at risk and I do not want to live with any guilt when I know what needs to happen.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That said, if you feel your grandmother is in danger due to being 90 years old, having dementia and living in a hoard, I'd call APS and have her evaluated. That way, you won't be the Bad Guy, per se, just the snitch who CALLED APS...........lol. It's not funny, I know.........but there's really very little you can do here, short of calling in the authorities to save her from herself.
Either that or wait until she gets hurt and rushed to the ER. They probably will not be willing to release her to live independently afterward, so that's when you can step in and have her placed in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.
Best of luck!
Whatever you do, do NOT attempt to clean up her mess. She will no longer trust you or listen to you and you will exhaust yourself physically and emotionally. She will fill up her house with junk again and waste money doing it. I understand your concern for her. If no one has PoA for her and she is resistant to any solutions for her best interest you should report her to social services as a vulnerable adult and she'll be on their radar. They will eventually get guardianship over her and she will get the care she needs. If she is in her own home you can encourage her neighbors to report her residence so that the city comes to inspect it and my require a clean-up or it will be condemned. I'm so sorry for this situation. It is very common but there is hope for her. It just won't be a fast, or pretty, process.
There is family close by but they have washed their hands. Sadly, I'm one of the only ones left that still check on her.
I am 4 hours away and jugging my family, work and taking care of her is taking its toll. My sister helps when she can but its mostly me and a few of her late friends daughters who keep me up to date when can't be there.
Im worried about her health and her driving. I can't even get the local police to turn her in driving 85 down a 30mph street.
And you are correct about helping to clean up. What my sis and I did clean up didn't last very long and she has some ill feelings towards some that helped. The only thing that did work was the front porch she cleaned by herself.
She fell 2 weeks ago and split open her elbow and has been unsteady ever since. She has cellulitis from her home and the Dr. today only suggested she not be along. She agreed until they left the room then she shook her head no. She is 90 but can hold her own mentally. Physically she is wiped out.