Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Has he been FORMALLY DIAGNOSED as having dementia? Have you called police/911 when his behavior escalates?
YOU KNOW both HIS WELFARE and YOURS rely on getting someone from outside your household involved.
It is possible that his behavior can be managed with medication or being separated from you, but you HAVE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP.
Many wives here have dealt with issues similar to yours. Do what you need to do for your safety, and keep coming here. WE CARE about what happens to you.
Echoing AnnReid. Make an appointment with his doctor as soon as you can.
Plus, if you can--safely, video his behavior or audio record it for proof to the doctor and to the police or Social Services. Don't hesitate to call 911 and get out as quickly and as safely as you can.
You are in danger. Your husband having dementia versus being of sound mind, does not make him any less dangerous to you or himself. Is he still mobile and able-bodied? If he is then he's a real threat. If he's weak and feeble with mobility issues the verbal abuse will pretty much remain that way. Verbal abuse will always graduate at some point to violence unless the abuser is physically incapable of carrying it out. When he threatens you or talks about killing himself, call the police. Let the cops handle it. They will take him to the hospital. If he's already been diagnosed with dementia ask to see a hospital social worker and they will find placement for him in a care facility that can meet his needs. If he doesn't have a formal diagnosis they will give him a competency test. That's a start at least. I wouldn't recommend you remain living with him even if a doctor puts him on "meds" which people often believe is the answer to everything. It's not. Unless you've got someone else living with you that helps with him, he belongs in a care facility.
Call 911 for safe transport to hospital for your husband for psych eval and assessment; there then needs to be facility placement sought. Do not accept him back home. Tell them you fear for your life and tell them what you have told us. Contact, then, your own MD. Tell him or her what you have told us. Get a list of all resources. Do know, especially if there are weapons in your home, your life, and your husband's are in danger. Am reporting my own post so that AgingCare can provide you hotline numbers. I am sorry you are going through this. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
I don't think this is a "make an appointment" situation. I think this is a "remove yourself immediately from the situation" emergency. Go directly to your doctor's office, a police station, or your trusted church. All of those facilities should be able to refer you immediately to an organization that protects women. If the first place tries to talk you into going home leave and try the second place on your list. You've been threatened with murder you don't mess around with anything except your survival.
This doesn't mean you have to abandon your husband, if you don't want to. You can call the police, you can call APS. But you have to keep yourself safe first if you want any chance of helping him.
Definitely NOT a 'make an appointment' situation at ALL! The next time your husband's behavior is threatening in the least, call 911 and have him taken to the ER for a psych evaluation and/or Baker Acted, then refuse to take him home when they're ready to discharge him.
Don't start thinking 'oh the poor soul has dementia & can't help it.' It doesn't matter the why's or the wherefore's b/c the cemeteries are full of people who didn't believe their husband's were capable of such violence. Mental issues/mental illness of ANY kind means the person you once knew is no longer the same person b/c his brain is fried. While he may not 'mean it', he's still capable of DOING IT!
Remove any weapons, knives, razor blades, hammers, bats or other objects he can use to hurt you with and wait for your moment to call 911 or the police. Please. Or like Slartibartfast suggested, just GET OUT of the house now! Do you have a son or daughter you can go stay with? Or a friend?
Whatever you do, just be sure to take care of YOURSELF in this situation and don't let down your guard for a moment!
I'm so sorry you are experiencing such a dreadful situation with your husband. I HATE dementia with every ounce of my being and this is one example why. Wishing you the best of luck; sending you a hug & a prayer.
Call 911 and let them know that he is a danger to you and himself let them know they will need to bring someone from Adult Protective Services for possible Baker Act type intervention.
There is a very very thin line between fantasizing about something and doing it. Motivation coaches use this technique all the time. “What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.”
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
YOU KNOW both HIS WELFARE and YOURS rely on getting someone from outside your household involved.
It is possible that his behavior can be managed with medication or being separated from you, but you HAVE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP.
Many wives here have dealt with issues similar to yours. Do what you need to do for your safety, and keep coming here. WE CARE about what happens to you.
Plus, if you can--safely, video his behavior or audio record it for proof to the doctor and to the police or Social Services. Don't hesitate to call 911 and get out as quickly and as safely as you can.
Take care of you, Marilyn. *hug*
Is he still mobile and able-bodied? If he is then he's a real threat. If he's weak and feeble with mobility issues the verbal abuse will pretty much remain that way. Verbal abuse will always graduate at some point to violence unless the abuser is physically incapable of carrying it out. When he threatens you or talks about killing himself, call the police. Let the cops handle it. They will take him to the hospital. If he's already been diagnosed with dementia ask to see a hospital social worker and they will find placement for him in a care facility that can meet his needs. If he doesn't have a formal diagnosis they will give him a competency test. That's a start at least.
I wouldn't recommend you remain living with him even if a doctor puts him on "meds" which people often believe is the answer to everything. It's not. Unless you've got someone else living with you that helps with him, he belongs in a care facility.
Do not accept him back home. Tell them you fear for your life and tell them what you have told us.
Contact, then, your own MD. Tell him or her what you have told us. Get a list of all resources.
Do know, especially if there are weapons in your home, your life, and your husband's are in danger.
Am reporting my own post so that AgingCare can provide you hotline numbers.
I am sorry you are going through this. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
This doesn't mean you have to abandon your husband, if you don't want to. You can call the police, you can call APS. But you have to keep yourself safe first if you want any chance of helping him.
Don't start thinking 'oh the poor soul has dementia & can't help it.' It doesn't matter the why's or the wherefore's b/c the cemeteries are full of people who didn't believe their husband's were capable of such violence. Mental issues/mental illness of ANY kind means the person you once knew is no longer the same person b/c his brain is fried. While he may not 'mean it', he's still capable of DOING IT!
Remove any weapons, knives, razor blades, hammers, bats or other objects he can use to hurt you with and wait for your moment to call 911 or the police. Please. Or like Slartibartfast suggested, just GET OUT of the house now! Do you have a son or daughter you can go stay with? Or a friend?
Whatever you do, just be sure to take care of YOURSELF in this situation and don't let down your guard for a moment!
I'm so sorry you are experiencing such a dreadful situation with your husband. I HATE dementia with every ounce of my being and this is one example why. Wishing you the best of luck; sending you a hug & a prayer.
“What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.”
Are you able to leave the home without him?