I can't go anywhere by myself anymore. I can't even go out to get the mail without him following me. I need to be alone to have some "me" time but he won't let me. He sits next to me just staring off into space thinking?! He asks me the same questions over and over. That isn't what I am so upset about it's when he is active he wants me to have sex with him and doesn't understand that his constant advances are turning me off completely. He is more persistent than when we were first married. I am 74 and haven't been interested since he retired 3 years ago and started demanding sex every day. He gropes me all the time and says "I've been working since I was 12 so now that I'm retired we can have sex all the time". Is this normal with dementia patients? It's getting to the point now that I can't stand to be touched.
I can't talk about this with anyone. I have two daughters but I don't want them to think less of their father for the way he treats me.
Personality changes are common with dementia and other neurological disorders, as is the following you around or copying your movements (commonly called "shadowing"). UTI, however, can cause odd behaviors as well, or worsen the dementia already present.
I agree, maybe there is a med. Can you find a friend who will sit with husband while you get away for a couple of hours? It can be going to the library so you can read in quiet. Or even a bookstore that has a cafe. A quiet park. Or, just sitting in your car. Just get out.
Just tell him no. Maybe ask the doctor how you might be able to get him interested in something so he’ll leave you alone. Do you have a home health aide who could stay with him while you “escape”?
I almost forgot - no pun intended - he has vision problems and doesn't drive so I am his chauffeur. He likes to go some place every day as entertainment even if it's just out to eat or to the store.
Also, I have told him I don't like his constant advances but it doesn't seem to register with him. It's like he only cares about his needs. I know he has a sickness and I am trying to be patient but some times it is really hard.
I have the opposite problem. My husband who has dementia is much older than I am. He has lost all interest in sex as his disease progresses. However, I am still in my “youthful” time and want intimacy. I do not cheat on my husband, so I enter into my little fantasy world from time to time when needed. Oh well, we cannot have it all. 😁
This reminds me I need to rewrite my revocable living trust document.
It's that her husband hasn't been his normal self in the past couple of years and has increasing memory difficulties, which can be a red flag for neurological issues like dementia.
I don’t have answers, I’m sorry. But I surely am relieved that you opened the subject for conversation.
The following you around is more of a need for reassurance, safety, and to make sure you are not leaving him. My Husband did the same thing. Yes it got frustrating at times.
Keep in mind that most behaviors will stop as the person declines. (good thing/bad thing that double edge sword)
Question for you...can he have sex or is he just thinking he can? Would he be satisfied with cuddling, hand holding? How about a back rub at night? I am thinking a lavender body lotion just might relax him and help him drift off to sleep. If these suggestions would not satisfy him or if this truly is more than you can tolerate there are medications that might help. If he becomes VERY persistent to the point where this might become violent then you may have to consider placing him in a Memory Care facility.
I also think a good Support Group might help you as well. Trust me there is not a subject that is unheard of or talked about during some of these meetings. And knowing what others have done in the same circumstances can help.
You also NEED to talk to your doctor. Or you need to talk to your doctor about the possibility of referring you to a therapist that can help you deal with these changes. Or both.
And I also have to tell you that the more stressed you are the less you even want to think about some hand holding time, cuddle time. If it is like what I went through after doing 4 or more loads of laundry every day (with just 2 of in the house) making sure everything is done I was exhausted. BUT I look back on the times that I did cuddle up in the bed, sit next to him and hold hands, give him a back rub and I now miss that.
So remember that the things that frustrate you now will change and you will have new frustrations.
I always told people in the support groups I go to that your worst day now will be one of your better ones in 3, 6, or 12 months.
I have learned to think of Dementia/Alzheimer like the development of a baby growing up. . .only in reverse! My husband has regressed and he is now in his 20s! At 85 years of age, he tried to have a fight with another senior male in the Wal-Mart parking lot!
Thank you everyone for being here. I'm glad I found this site!
It may seem funny to some and not a big problem. But when it is almost constant, it is not fun at all.
I belong to a caregiver support group but certain topics are difficult in a large group.
Thanks.