The only place my husband drives is to the golf course and back, less than three miles from our house, only two turns. But as I watch him pull out of the driveway, I know it is only a matter of time before there's an accident. He can't back down the driveway without difficulty. This morning was especially bad -- I'll be inspecting his bumper and passenger side when he gets home. He ran over a stone border and scraped a dogwood tree that is a good three feet off of the driveway. He no longer understands how to direct the vehicle when backing up.
My son says I need to call the doctor and ask him to rescind his license but it seems to me there has to be something more than just my word. I know it is awful to say this, but just one documented seizure would at least get him off the road for six months. I suspect he has had some small breakthrough seizures, but nothing I can actually document.
I'd appreciate your thoughts. And yes, I've already told myself the whole "what if he runs into someone else" scenarios, so we don't need to rehash that. Can I just tell the doctor his license needs to be rescinded? He puts on such a darn good show for the doctor that I'm not sure he'd believe me.
In some states you can report online anonymously to make your case as to why they shouldn't be driving. I did this with my aunt in FL. I gave them a copy of her license, her health and physical issues and multiple specific examples of how she is a danger to others and herself. The state sent out a letter telling her to come in to take the vision check and a road test. She convinced my cousin to take her to the appointment but failed the tests. That was that.
In your case I would suggest that if he golfs with any buddies, that you ask them to please come pick him up so that losing the privilege is less devastating. Tell them to not tell your husband you've asked them to do it. Reward them with a gift card to a restaurant where they can go out and have a nice social time together, or gc to the golf course.
When you report your husband and if he gets the letter, don't show it to him. Let his license expire. Remove the car (not just the keys) from the premises and tell him you were driving it and it broke down and is in the shop. Make sure friends and neighbors discretely know to not lend their cars to him.
My step-FIL had Parkinsons and I think his social worker reported him and we took the van away permanently. One benefit is that there's no more insurance payment or maintenance expenses.
If you struggle to keep him off the road, then the minute he pulls out of the driveway call 911 you can report him as an unsafe driver, and if he has an expired license, there'll be consequences. FYI my uncle should have had his car taken away by his adult children but no one had the guts to do it. One day he went through a red light and was t-boned, killing his wife (a cancer survivor) and their dog and injuring the other people. So PLEASE act soon -- I know it's stressful but it's critical he's kept off the road asap. Thank you!
It is not easy.
You should have a doctors note or diagnosis that can prove the dementia diagnosis.
It is going to be difficult for him to "get it" that he can no longer drive. And it is going to be difficult for you as well having to be the "uber" driver in the house.
A word of advice though. If you do get the license removed and he is no longer driving do not remove him from your insurance police just in case he gets hold of the keys and drives off. You might need that insurance coverage.
Do you have 2 vehicles? If so "his" should be disabled or removed from the property ASAP. As a matter of fact if you can get someone to "borrow" it then have it "breakdown" that might be a way to get it out of sight. Then it can be "in the shop" . If you can't get someone to borrow it if you do notice damage have someone take it and tell him it is at the body shop for repairs. That can take a very long time if they have to order parts.
Lock keys to your car so he can not get to them.
But even our mechanic (just one mile away) will not allow him to drive onto the lot any more since Jim had two incidents with hitting things (pile of tires once and another car the last time). He comes to our house now and picks up our cars when they need work.
You are very right to be worried and pull the plug before something happens.
It’s critical that you keep him from driving before he kills himself or someone else.
If he wants to travel independently, he can order a taxi, Uber, or Lyft.
I am in my 60's and I have had trouble with my vision throughout the pandemic. I finally got into an appointment with the eye specialist. I have a cataract in my right eye, and it can be fixed with surgery. Since the surgery will greatly change my right eye, I also will need surgery on my left eye.
Dusing the pandemic I was so concern about going blind it took me a long time to get myself to a doctor, but I also developed dry eye and that hurts.
You did not mention what your diagnosis is.
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