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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You really need to address the questions ask , what is his issues, health wise , and mentally . You have POA , right ? Are you paying for his medical bills ? Is the facility where he is staying aware of the situation ? Do you have children together , or does he by a former marriage ? Does he have any family besides you , they might be helpful .
I don't understand how anyone can check themselves out when (1) they are in the NH for a specific reason; (2) YOU have POA so you should have filled something out that the NH would have to ask you first before allowing him to come home due to you not being able to handle him; (3) does he have dementia, if so, the NH would know that he can't be home unless you give permission or you take him out. Next I would tell your hubby that you are having some repairs done and that right now is not a good time........and keep telling him that story until he stops asking to come home. AND make sure the NH knows to ask you first before he decides to say he is coming home.........wishing you luck
If your POA for your husband has become active, then you're the one deciding whether or not he comes home. POA only becomes active because the person it is for is incapacitated and cannot make decisions for themselves. Does he have dementia? Unless he's in a coma or a vegetative state, dementia is usually it. If his mind is right and he's bad off physically tell them at the nursing home that there is no one who can take care of him. Then let them and your husband figure it out.
If his care needs are too high for your home, there are many good replies below how to deflect, avoid or prevent that from happening.
The first hurdle can be mental/emotional though..(IMHO).
Some get caught because deep down they think they should obey their spouse. They think they must make them happy. Do what they want or wish for.
I am not saying that is you!!
Just that sometimes that is the big hurdle. I've seen it over & over with my family & friends. Someone *wants* to come home & so it is done to please them, to avoid conflict, to obey - despite contrary medical advice or just common sense.
If you truly think he should not come home, you will be much able to follow that course without guilt.
Imho, this would be considered an unsafe discharge from the nursing home. He should not be any deciding factor since he's in the nursing home for a reason.
My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2003 ( @50yrs old). About 4 years ago the hallucinations became severe such that all senses were involved and he was acting out in response. also he became psychotic. He was eventually prescribed Nuplazid a medication specifically designed for people with Parkinson's dealing with this issue. It has been a game changer. A night and day difference. He is more himself (with mild dementia-like issues) but no more hallucinations or acting out. He sometime thinks he is more able than he is but I can usually get him to realize that that is not the case. We also occasionally use CBD with a 8:1 CBD/THC ratio to address his anxiety issues. With his mental health issues addressed his physical needs are more manageable. I am fortunate in that I was able to retire 3 yrs. ago as his physical needs have increased. We have yet to address when it will be time to move him to a facility. All that being said I fully understand that the time has come that your husband needs to be where he is. You may want to talk to his doctors about addressing the mental health issues that are contributing to his requests to go home. Perhaps a change in meds as someone else mentioned would make a difference. Best wishes for a good solution
You tell him what I tell my friend (of 19 years who is 88). I am his POA. NOTE: -----Care facilities by law cannot release a patient IF they do not have the care needed at home. Double check this 'fact' - -----It is true for my friend. Until I get a room ready for a live-in; until I get a live-in; until I get the new bed, and insure there is room for a wheel chair everywhere, caregivers lined up for the 16 hours of care he needs, he cannot be released.
* If he checks himself out, he will NOT be able to get any medical services again (at the facility he is currently at); he loses all his rights to that care. For how long, I do not know. Ask the facility. * "If you check yourself out, I will not be here to take care of you. You will be on your own." - While this is your spouse and I'm helping my friend, this may not 'sound' right - telling a spouse you won't be there to 'pick up the pieces,' - however it is critically important that you stand your ground and NOT be the 24/7 caregiver who is not equipped to do what is needed. You WILL burn yourself out. Period. * Husband is unable - due to brain chemistry - to think beyond "I want to go home" - it is fear and anxiety, and dementia talking. * Do not argue. * Agree; learn what he feels and address his feelings, not the situation. "I know this is difficult for you." "I hear you that you feel . . . " * Of course he wants to come home. Are there ANY patients / people with dementia needing 24/7 care in a facility that do not want to come home?
Depending on his memory, tell him "I'm working on it." Stop the argument before it starts.
I do not quite understand your question, but if you do not want him home, time to get a divorce.
If you want him home and he's refusing you need to ask him why and go from there. You also need to tell him to get out because of possible incurring medical bills from the facility.
If you have not had to provide long term caregiving support 24/7 to a loved one, suggesting the person "get a divorce" just because their spouse understands that being in a facility is in the best interest for both people. shows you have no idea how draining it is and/or that you have no compassion.
You have No recourse. If he wants to come home, he should be able to. You switch places with him for even a week and you'd want to come home too.
Just line up Care Giving Help and try to work it out.
If your husband has been in the Military, you can call the VA and get Caregiving help, up to 30 hrs a week.
Dexpending on his illness, you can get some Care that his Insurance Co will pay for Like Home Health, where a Nurse comes and checks on him once or twice a month, where an Aide comes to help him bathe or shower 3 times a week and will even send Therapists 2 - 4 times a week.
It will be an adjustment having him home but he will be a much Happier Camper.
My DH insists almost daily that I am treating him wrong by my assessment that we cannot at home provide the care he needs. Medicaid in a nursing home is the only safe option for the two of us. Caregiving for him at home would require 24/7/365 assistance for me, to provide for him. One person cannot survive his controlling, demanding behaviors.
Sometimes he is able to seem “normal,” and that could be why he cannot accept the reality. Which is … diagnosis, prognosis, and recommendations must be made by taking into account the *other* normal for him: dangerous combativeness, destructive demands, etc.
If your husband is not mentally competent, then you need to make sure it is documented by a doctor and copies must be in his files. In that case, all decisions about his care and disposition should be directed to you, not him.
If he is mentally competent, then he legally could check himself out - any time he wishes. Make sure that social services knows that you will not take him back home because you do not possess the ability to care for him. Let him also know that you love him but do not have the ability to care for him at home. If he "checks himself out," he will most likely be dropped at a shelter who will most likely call EMS since they don't have the ability to care for him, and he will be placed into another residential facility.
All that being said, usually there is a reason he is threatening to check himself out. Gently and kindly probe into what is the problem(s). Let the charge nurse know about his concerns - some may be justified and others may be misperceptions based on his disease process. If it is the latter, then his doctor can be consulted for adjustments in his medications. He might need a mild anti-anxiety agent to help him relax in the face of a world that increasingly looks threatening to him.
I had a friend who was competent to make her own decisions. During a rehab stay it was determined she needed 24/7 care probably because of her Parkinson's. She could not afford aides and had no family willing to take on the responsibility. She was an "unsafe" discharge and the rehab could not release her. She was transferred to the NH side. My daughter worked in rehabs/NHs for 20 yrs and says this is how it works.
OPs husband is in a NH because he is 24/7 care. Thats part of the criteria. If she can't guarantee 24/7 care in the home and she is unwilling to do that care, he can't be released no matter how competent he is.
And she shouldn't believe a SW when they say they can get her help. That "help" may only be a few hours a day. Then its the help showing up on time.
Nursing homes are not prisons. There is nothing to stop a competent person from leaving a nursing home IF they have the means and wherewithal to do it. That said, the OP's husband, I doubt, has this option. If he has Parkinsons severe enough to require 24/7 nursing home care, he's probably beyond "checking himself out anytime". Her husband can say whatever he wants, but in reality, he's probably not going to walk out the door.
It's so hard to discuss a spouse or parents' diminishing health and capabilities. Perhaps a meeting with the NH's physician will help to convince her husband to stay. Many times, it takes a "person of authority" to convince someone. His Parkinsons is only going to get worse, so will his cognitive abilities. My Mom insisted on "coming home" even though she had a broken leg. It was heartbreaking but I would keep saying when she is healed or when the doctor said so. I knew it would never happen. It seemed to placate her at that moment. She passed 3 months into "rehab".
Is he competent? That is probably the most important question. If the answer is YES then he can make decisions and he can leave the Nursing Home. If the answer is NO then he can not check himself out. If the answer is no you need to have a doctor complete paperwork indicating that he is not decisional or is not competent. Once that is done then your husband can not check himself out.
If with the Parkinson's you are fearful that he may become violent you need to tell the doctor as well as the Nursing Home that you are afraid for your safety and that to discharge him would be unsafe for you.
Honestly we need more info to weigh in on this. Age? Dementia? What placed him there? I would probably just agree and be firm that we need to get complete medical assessment, move on to next subject.
How old is your husband? Does he have any Dementia associated with his Parkinson's? If he does, he cannot make that decision. Your recourse is to tell the NH that allowing him to leave is an "unsafe" discharge. He is in a NH for a reason. You cannot nor will you care for him. His care is more than you can do. He must be 24/7 care to be in a NH. If you cannot guarantee 24/7 care, they cannot release him.
Have you tried just being honest with him, by letting him know that you don't believe he is able to come home, as you can no longer care for him, and also letting him know what a burden that will be for you? Most folks in any nursing facility usually go through periods where they want to go home. It's up to you to remind him that he's where he needs to be for his safety and care, and that as much as you would love for him to be able to return home, you're just not able to provide the 24/7 care that he now requires. It might not hurt to have the Dr. at his facility share that sentiment with him as well. Has he been diagnosed with any dementia along with his Parkinson's? If he has, your POA would have the final and only say about whether or not he could return home. I wish you well as I know this has to be very stressful for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
POA only becomes active because the person it is for is incapacitated and cannot make decisions for themselves.
Does he have dementia? Unless he's in a coma or a vegetative state, dementia is usually it.
If his mind is right and he's bad off physically tell them at the nursing home that there is no one who can take care of him. Then let them and your husband figure it out.
The first hurdle can be mental/emotional though..(IMHO).
Some get caught because deep down they think they should obey their spouse. They think they must make them happy. Do what they want or wish for.
I am not saying that is you!!
Just that sometimes that is the big hurdle. I've seen it over & over with my family & friends. Someone *wants* to come home & so it is done to please them, to avoid conflict, to obey - despite contrary medical advice or just common sense.
If you truly think he should not come home, you will be much able to follow that course without guilt.
All that being said I fully understand that the time has come that your husband needs to be where he is. You may want to talk to his doctors about addressing the mental health issues that are contributing to his requests to go home. Perhaps a change in meds as someone else mentioned would make a difference.
Best wishes for a good solution
NOTE:
-----Care facilities by law cannot release a patient IF they do not have the care needed at home. Double check this 'fact' -
-----It is true for my friend. Until I get a room ready for a live-in; until I get a live-in; until I get the new bed, and insure there is room for a wheel chair everywhere, caregivers lined up for the 16 hours of care he needs, he cannot be released.
* If he checks himself out, he will NOT be able to get any medical services again (at the facility he is currently at); he loses all his rights to that care. For how long, I do not know. Ask the facility.
* "If you check yourself out, I will not be here to take care of you. You will be on your own."
- While this is your spouse and I'm helping my friend, this may not 'sound' right - telling a spouse you won't be there to 'pick up the pieces,' - however it is critically important that you stand your ground and NOT be the 24/7 caregiver who is not equipped to do what is needed. You WILL burn yourself out. Period.
* Husband is unable - due to brain chemistry - to think beyond "I want to go home" - it is fear and anxiety, and dementia talking.
* Do not argue.
* Agree; learn what he feels and address his feelings, not the situation. "I know this is difficult for you." "I hear you that you feel . . . "
* Of course he wants to come home. Are there ANY patients / people with dementia needing 24/7 care in a facility that do not want to come home?
Depending on his memory, tell him "I'm working on it." Stop the argument before it starts.
Gena / Touch Matters
If you want him home and he's refusing you need to ask him why and go from there. You also need to tell him to get out because of possible incurring medical bills from the facility.
You switch places with him for even a week and you'd want to come home too.
Just line up Care Giving Help and try to work it out.
If your husband has been in the Military, you can call the VA and get Caregiving help, up to 30 hrs a week.
Dexpending on his illness, you can get some Care that his Insurance Co will pay for Like Home Health, where a Nurse comes and checks on him once or twice a month, where an Aide comes to help him bathe or shower 3 times a week and will even send Therapists 2 - 4 times a week.
It will be an adjustment having him home but he will be a much Happier Camper.
Sometimes he is able to seem “normal,” and that could be why he cannot accept the reality. Which is … diagnosis, prognosis, and recommendations must be made by taking into account the *other* normal for him: dangerous combativeness, destructive demands, etc.
If he is mentally competent, then he legally could check himself out - any time he wishes. Make sure that social services knows that you will not take him back home because you do not possess the ability to care for him. Let him also know that you love him but do not have the ability to care for him at home. If he "checks himself out," he will most likely be dropped at a shelter who will most likely call EMS since they don't have the ability to care for him, and he will be placed into another residential facility.
All that being said, usually there is a reason he is threatening to check himself out. Gently and kindly probe into what is the problem(s). Let the charge nurse know about his concerns - some may be justified and others may be misperceptions based on his disease process. If it is the latter, then his doctor can be consulted for adjustments in his medications. He might need a mild anti-anxiety agent to help him relax in the face of a world that increasingly looks threatening to him.
OPs husband is in a NH because he is 24/7 care. Thats part of the criteria. If she can't guarantee 24/7 care in the home and she is unwilling to do that care, he can't be released no matter how competent he is.
And she shouldn't believe a SW when they say they can get her help. That "help" may only be a few hours a day. Then its the help showing up on time.
It's so hard to discuss a spouse or parents' diminishing health and capabilities. Perhaps a meeting with the NH's physician will help to convince her husband to stay. Many times, it takes a "person of authority" to convince someone. His Parkinsons is only going to get worse, so will his cognitive abilities. My Mom insisted on "coming home" even though she had a broken leg. It was heartbreaking but I would keep saying when she is healed or when the doctor said so. I knew it would never happen. It seemed to placate her at that moment. She passed 3 months into "rehab".
If the answer is YES then he can make decisions and he can leave the Nursing Home.
If the answer is NO then he can not check himself out.
If the answer is no you need to have a doctor complete paperwork indicating that he is not decisional or is not competent. Once that is done then your husband can not check himself out.
If with the Parkinson's you are fearful that he may become violent you need to tell the doctor as well as the Nursing Home that you are afraid for your safety and that to discharge him would be unsafe for you.
I would probably just agree and be firm that we need to get complete medical assessment, move on to next subject.
Has he been diagnosed with any dementia along with his Parkinson's? If he has, your POA would have the final and only say about whether or not he could return home.
I wish you well as I know this has to be very stressful for you.
How and when was it established that “he can check himself out any time”?
Do you have ongoing contact with a lawyer regarding your husband’s care?