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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I'm sorry you're in this distressing situation. Your profile says your husband is 85 and has dementia, which makes changes in his routine cause increased cognitive problems (and can be temporary).
I would make sure rehab facility is indeed attempting to feed him and get him to drink. Dehydration can increase dementia-like symptoms but also is not good in general. Does he have an IV?
Is he on pain meds? Maybe they need to be adjusted. Talk to his attending physician and also consider if he's on antibiotics for the pneumonia, it may not be working.
You will need to be a strong advocate for him... asking questions and diplomatically pushing his team to find solutions, going there to be with him as often as possible until he's over the hump.
In your profile you mention you suffer with severe depression. Please think about transitioning your husband to a care faciliity directly from the rehab once he's better. This is an option/solution if it is affordable.
It is possible this event will mean he now requires LTC, which is "good" news since Medicaid covers this level of care (and as long as he qualifies financially). Consider consulting with a Medicaid Planner for your home state. Don't make any assumptions about whether or not he'd qualify... talk to an expert.
You tell us this in your profile: "Retired RN. Mother of 2 sons and grandmother of 4. History of depression and currently have severe depression even with medication. I enjoy reading and talking with friends. I do not love my husband and haven’t even before his diagnosis. I am cross and impatient with him followed by feeling guilty. Vicious circle ".
You do NOT tell us anything about your husband. Only about yourself. Yet your QUESTIONS TO US is about your husband. So we need info about HIM. What is his age and his diagnosis overall and his prognosis?
Seek counseling for yourself. A Licensed Social Worker in private practice may be best. You are dealing with a life transition here in all likelihood. A marriage that was unhappy and left with unresolved issues will bring problematic grieving to a mind already taxed with depression. I would get help for yourself. Maybe medication changes would help. The reasons your marriage failed are long over now; nothing can be changed. You will have to move on with a life, and hopefully make it of better quality than it has been for some time. You will have to embrace the unresolved and forgive your own and his limitations in order to move on.
I am so sorry. You have a plate full of issues that are mixing together in a very sad way, and you need help to comb out your feelings, get help from medication or cognitive therapy. There just isn't a lot you can do for hubby, and your feelings are too mixed in this to try. Your failure adds to your feelings of guilt. You don't need that. It doesn't help him. It doesn't help you.
I wish you the very best. Again, seek help.
You are an RN. So am I. So you know that in all of this there is almost NOTHING that "you can do" to change any of this for husband. It is what it is. If the entire medical and rehab team cannot change it, what could you do? You say you are cross and impatient with him. Then you SHOULD have some guilt for guilt comes from things we CAUSED and can FIX. You can stop causing it by not visiting so much if you cannot stop your being cross with him, and especially if you cannot stop being impatient. You are harming him thereby, and should feel guilty for that. If you have not loved him for a while, even before he was ill, why are you continuing on now when he's ill and helpless?
When I was 51 I had the flu and thought I was going to die. the flu and the recovery take a lot out of a person. Honestly it sounds normal to me. He probably has a 6 week recovery from this. Let him rest.
My Mom was in the hospital for 4 days and Rehab was suggested to get her strength back. I swore it would not happen again. She was back to normal when she got back to her AL. I said next time, it would be "in the home care". If you think you could do it, ask for an order for "in home care". PT will come to the home and u will get an aide to bath him.
The problem with Rehab they don't nurse a patient back to health. The person should have been nursed back to health before being discharged to Rehab. Rehab is for PT. If ur husband can't do PT he should not be in Rehab. I will bet DH was released too early. Flu normally takes a week to run its course in healthy younger people. And even then, like said, you are tired forva while. A lot different when a person is elderly with a Dementia.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would make sure rehab facility is indeed attempting to feed him and get him to drink. Dehydration can increase dementia-like symptoms but also is not good in general. Does he have an IV?
Is he on pain meds? Maybe they need to be adjusted. Talk to his attending physician and also consider if he's on antibiotics for the pneumonia, it may not be working.
You will need to be a strong advocate for him... asking questions and diplomatically pushing his team to find solutions, going there to be with him as often as possible until he's over the hump.
In your profile you mention you suffer with severe depression. Please think about transitioning your husband to a care faciliity directly from the rehab once he's better. This is an option/solution if it is affordable.
It is possible this event will mean he now requires LTC, which is "good" news since Medicaid covers this level of care (and as long as he qualifies financially). Consider consulting with a Medicaid Planner for your home state. Don't make any assumptions about whether or not he'd qualify... talk to an expert.
"Retired RN. Mother of 2 sons and grandmother of 4. History of depression and currently have severe depression even with medication. I enjoy reading and talking with friends. I do not love my husband and haven’t even before his diagnosis. I am cross and impatient with him followed by feeling guilty. Vicious circle ".
You do NOT tell us anything about your husband. Only about yourself.
Yet your QUESTIONS TO US is about your husband. So we need info about HIM.
What is his age and his diagnosis overall and his prognosis?
Seek counseling for yourself. A Licensed Social Worker in private practice may be best. You are dealing with a life transition here in all likelihood. A marriage that was unhappy and left with unresolved issues will bring problematic grieving to a mind already taxed with depression. I would get help for yourself. Maybe medication changes would help.
The reasons your marriage failed are long over now; nothing can be changed. You will have to move on with a life, and hopefully make it of better quality than it has been for some time. You will have to embrace the unresolved and forgive your own and his limitations in order to move on.
I am so sorry. You have a plate full of issues that are mixing together in a very sad way, and you need help to comb out your feelings, get help from medication or cognitive therapy. There just isn't a lot you can do for hubby, and your feelings are too mixed in this to try. Your failure adds to your feelings of guilt.
You don't need that.
It doesn't help him.
It doesn't help you.
I wish you the very best. Again, seek help.
You are an RN. So am I. So you know that in all of this there is almost NOTHING that "you can do" to change any of this for husband. It is what it is. If the entire medical and rehab team cannot change it, what could you do?
You say you are cross and impatient with him. Then you SHOULD have some guilt for guilt comes from things we CAUSED and can FIX. You can stop causing it by not visiting so much if you cannot stop your being cross with him, and especially if you cannot stop being impatient. You are harming him thereby, and should feel guilty for that. If you have not loved him for a while, even before he was ill, why are you continuing on now when he's ill and helpless?
The problem with Rehab they don't nurse a patient back to health. The person should have been nursed back to health before being discharged to Rehab. Rehab is for PT. If ur husband can't do PT he should not be in Rehab. I will bet DH was released too early. Flu normally takes a week to run its course in healthy younger people. And even then, like said, you are tired forva while. A lot different when a person is elderly with a Dementia.