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I know of a woman whose hubby was the same. He went for a 'drive' one day, she immediately called the police b/c she knew exactly where he was going and he got pulled over. Long story short, yeah, it was sneaky, but the police ran his license and came back 'denied' and he was not allowed to drive home.
He never knew his wife did this, so yeah, there's that. BUT---he was a dangerous driver and she likely saved him and perhaps other lives.
The POLICE took his keys and one drove the car home and gave his wife the keys. Ever now and then he'd get antsy and want to drive, but the remembrance of being pulled over and read the riot act kept him from driving.
Nowadays. with Uber and Lyft, anyone can get anywhere.
The problem with Uber and Lyft is you have to have a smart phone, believe it or not, a lot of older people don't have one or if they did, knew how to use it.
Are you his POA? You need a letter from the MD and your MD should be notifying the DMV. This will suspend the license. If the MD won't send to DMV then get a letter for yourself and take it to the DMV. The keys are an easy one. When he is asleep, remove them. Disabling the car, if you are POA is also fine. If he continues uncooperative, doing things like driving cars, buying cars, you may be looking at the necessity of MC placement. Wishing you good luck.
You're not his 'legal wife' you say on your profile, so you may not have POA, I don't know. But even if you don't, I would find those keys and put them in a place he will NOT find them. In the meantime, here's a brief blurb from a book I highly recommend you read, on the subject of driving with dementia/Alzheimer's, and how to go about dealing with that issue:
DRIVING The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.
****************************** I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. (This is where the Driving info came from):
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”
If his dementia progresses to the point where you cannot manage him at home any longer, you may need to consider placement in Memory Care Assisted Living. Confer with his children on that matter, sooner rather than later, is my suggestion.
Have you let the POA son know what the doctor said? I am sure it puts you in an awkward position but the son can’t look out for his dad if he doesn’t know the situation. If that is the only problem, I might just take the keys and let it go for awhile. However, you say he doesn’t live with you all the time. It’s a catch22. And sadly, the dementia won’t go away. It will only get worse. Maybe you and the son need to communicate on next best steps for his dad to discuss driving and other issues sure to come up. You will need the sons help at some point. Do you have children? A POA of your own? Some of these issues seem off in the future for a long time and then they arrive. Such is life. Protect yourself and test the waters with the son would be my advice. And know that your husband truly believes he is fine. He is not pretending.
So, he won't give up the keys, is he driving? Are you driving, I assume so, and perhaps you could try another tact. If you go out by yourself, go to a key replacement spot, hardware store, dealership etc. Buy a set of key blanks, exchange them on his keychain so you will be assured he cannot go. He'll be more happy with the keys in his pocket?
Then you could start asking if you might drive him somewhere. he's driven you all your life , has he not? Appeal to him that you need practice. Take him where he likes to go, not where you need, or have, to go! Just suck up the gas price and go for fun. Go for ice cream!
You might also check with your local DMV for a "replacement license". In your case this might make it worse, but you would know that. I got an ID license for my husband that looks just like a drivers license. He can no longer read so just recognizes the graphics as his license, doesn't recognize the Non-driver designation at all. He delights in giving me driving lessons! I got an "A+" last week when I drove exactly up to the mail drop !
Think outside the box, and good luck to you. This is one ride we all wish we did not have to take. Blessings!
You can anonymously report him as a dangerous driver on his state's DMV website. You can upload the doctor's report as proof. This would most likely cause them to revoke his license. If he still won't give up the keys then the car should be disabled, like remove the battery and hide it (and don't tell him), flatten all the tires, remove some critical part of the engive or drain out the gas. Or, you can contact a tow company to remove it and take it to some destination that you don't disclose to him.
My uncle should have had this done by his family and they didn't. He drove through a red light and was t-boned by another car. The impact killed his passenger: his wife of 60+ years, love of his life, mother of his 4 children, business partner, and 2x cancer survivor AND their dog that was riding on her lap.
I just found out that my 92 yo mom has been driving around with her friend who is driving on a suspended license!! The woman has macular degeneration and I have watched her 'drive' and it's terrifying. Mom insists it's "OK" b/c they only go 1/2 mile. Well, true, but they have to make 2 'blind' left turns to leave the Sr Center. And sometimes they go to lunch, which is wherever they want to go.
It's only a matter of time before this woman causes an accident. The cars coming from the right that she has to turn left in front of are coming FAST. (40 MPH). She can't see them and mother can't turn her head to watch for them.
I haven't called the DMV on this woman. Mom is kind of scared of her--she's a real firecracker (the other woman, not mom) and she does WHAT SHE WANTS.
She lives with her daughter and her daughter is pretty chill about her mom driving all over from heck to breakfast. After thinking about it, I feel I may reach out to the daughter. I doubt she has a clue as to how much and how badly her mom is driving. And she probably is glad that she isn't the one doing the driving.
Years ago we were out in our brand new van for a family drive. An old man had a carful of old people (youngest was probably 90) and we watched in horror as he ran a stop sign right in front of us. Only the fact that we were all buckled in our van saved us. His car was hit, hard, by our big van and he spun around and around and finally wound up in a ditch. Only b/c the roads were wet and they 'slipped' rather than 'grabbed' saved their lives. We would have been fine, but they were all riding w/o seatbelts and the driver didn't even see us.
I still have nightmares about that. If anyone had even been hurt, my DH would have blamed himself forever.
We're lucky that both our moms pretty much decided on their own to quit driving.
This driver was legally blind, killed a young woman while driving 15 years after his license was suspended. He was sent to jail for 2 years and his family is being sued as they allowed him to drive.
His wife does not think she is liable, but he was driving her car with permission and had been for years.
If you are in BC Canada, you have a moral and a legal obligation to stop him from driving. And you could lose everything if it is proven you or someone else knew he was driving with a suspended license.
Wifedriver, I don't think you need 38 horror stories to convince you to act today to do whatever it takes to prevent him from driving.
When he's asleep, root around and find his key. Put a replacement fake key back on the chain and let him keep it. Maybe at some point review the cost of the insurance (it gets very pricey the older the driver) plus the price of gas! and hopefully he'll agree to sell the car, assuming his is the only name on the title. Used cars are at a premium right now, so even driving into a dealership will have several salespeople flocking around you. It would be an "easy" way to sell it and you'd get a better price than in prior years.
If so, good. Then it could be easier to 'lose' the key to his car, or substitute (as Geaton cleverly suggested).
I know dishonesty is never nice, but 'therapeutic fibs' for safety are a different matter.
Have read of others who have had the car's engine or battery disabled - but if he was able to call roadside assistance this could be fixed. Better to 'lose' the key.
If the car is shared by you, that needs more thought! 🤔
I drive, but when together with my DH, he always drives (he insists). I can imagine trying to insist I drive us & him getting wild about that if cog issues were in the picture...
If your DH is used to you driving him already, you have a good advantage in that.
When Moms doctor told her she shouldnt be driving it was war. She already had a few fender benders she wiggled her way out of by going to repair shop paying cash as well 2 accidents that were not her fault, but it took just 1 more accident to get her license taken away. She rearended a truck at a major 4way light. The officer told her he was sorry but he could ignore her state of confusion and let her know he was sending a notice to DMV (her car was totaled) She had 6months to retake her driving test written and driving before it was finalized. She couldnt understand the written test bc it was on the computer at our DMV. Even thou she lost her license she refused to believe she couldnt drive. It kind of makes me chuckle now but PLEASE take hes keys away if he has been told to do so. If u feel the doctor was correct you can have them submit a form to the DMV and they will schedule a review with your husband. good luck
When my 89-yr old Aunt was called in to retake the test (because I anonymously reported her online) I instructed everyone (including neighbors, friends, etc) to NOT take her to the test. No test, license expired. Never take them to any future mandated test.
This is for the safety of others. This is not all about him! Lock up the garage. Or find a way to take the keys. If he kills someone your guilt will be tough to live with. My mom needed some things taken away from her…including her car. We told her you might “kill a child”…that did it she gave away her driving rights.
After taking cognitive test, Dr told mom she couldn't drive. She immediately started hiding her car keys so we couldn't take them. We put a "club" on the steering wheel. Of course, my brother left it off one time after he drove and did some maintenance on it. Mom was so pleased she drove to the store. We then took the car and gave it to my daughter. Car had little value being 19 years old. Now in hospice on MC and she still thinks she can live at home and drive. No powers of reason.
The powers of reason aren't there anymore. My BIL still calls saying that his car was in a crash that the neighbor came to tell him when in fact he just wants to know when he can drive. The doctor told him he can't anymore because of his dementia and try telling him gets him so upset that we could cause a seizure. So here his car is sitting at his niece's and after August I can't register it because he isn't a license driver. Would really like to sell it to her.
My BIL had the same thing happen to him. But with his dementia he still thought that he could drive and was driving on an expired license too. What was suggested to us is to remove a battery cable so it wouldn't start. But if that is the only vehicle then that can't be done. You can have the vehicle rekeyed making a new set of keys for it then he still can have the keys he has and still can get into the vehicle but can't start it.
There surely is a time he is sleeping and you are not. Find out how to disable the car or have someone do it, or get those keys when he is in the shower or asleep. But you MUST take action of some kind and be creative about it if you have to. Make sure to hide your own keys really well.
Elderly people should NEVER drive a vehicle. They are at risk of causing death and injuries to themselves and others. You need to find a way to disable the car so it won’t start when he tries to turn it on. Try pulling off the cables on the battery. Do it now before a disaster occurs. If he lives in New Jersey and he causes death or injuries to someone he will be sued and he might end up losing his house or assets if he does not have enough coverage for the cost of the accident.
Have someone else call the DMV. Get a letter from the neuro stating such. If all fails, have someone remove an essential component under the hood, something he may not realize is the problem. He puts himself, you and everyone else on the road at risk. Don’t wait.
Do you also drive this vehicle or do you have your own car? If you don’t drive it, possibly have someone, who knows what they’re doing, take off distributor cap, battery cables or something so it won’t start?
Disconnect the battery so the car won't start. Pull a fuse out of the fuse box to disable the ignition. Hide his keys. If your name is on the vehicle for ownership, sell it. Call DMV and ask them to mandate he pass both a written test and behind the wheel test.
Can you drive him where he needs to go? Offer to help. If you can't do it, you need to offer alternatives, such as for-hire services, or public transportation. Put Uber on his phone. Ask his neurologist for a copy of her report to the DMV. It sometimes is less expensive to use for-hire services, so this may be a good option if he wants to be careful of his expenses.
This is the one topic that I know will cause WWIII. I've already told my husband that this is his last F-150 and if it is crashed, it will not be replaced. It is not personal, it's the law and I will not passively just let it go. If I see any frightening behavior I will request a suspension of his driver's license and I will request a highway patrol officer to explain why his driving days are over.
Removing a car part sounds good, but selling it or donating it sounds even better. Removing the vehicle removes the daily reminder of what he can't have. Just like dieting, don't buy chocolate cake and leave it on the counter! I know there are people who have accounts with Uber or other companies that can offer scheduled appointment rides (e.g., like dialysis, medical and physical therapy appointments). Also, an in-home caretaker can drive him if she has a car!
Unfortunately, if the OP is not the FPoA and her name isn't on the car title, she doesn't have the power to sell or donate his car. She could conceivably park it somewhere else where he can't find it but other seniors have done things like reported it stolen and that's a whole other headache. It depends on the senior.
I hired a companion aid for my 2 elderly Aunts while they were still mobile, and she drove them anywhere they wanted to go. It worked out great.
YOU have the responsibility to remove the keys from his hot little hand. If you do not drive this particular car then remove it from the property. Either sell it or ask a family member to keep it for a while. It would be better to sell it though. There is no sense in paying insurance on a vehicle that will not be driven. Side note about the insurance. If your husband is listed as a driver on YOUR vehicle do not remove him as a driver. Just in case he gets hold of YOUR keys and takes it out you need to have coverage. Tell your husband that when the doctor writes a note telling the DMV that he can drive again he can drive. (I told my Husband that the medication he was on said he could not drive..but I also did not have his car on the property AND I would lock up my keys, or I wore them on my beltloop. And he did manage to still get my car 2 times...scary days, second time the police located him in the next state)
Just circling back into this thread because a few responders have suggested using Uber and Lyft. Please know that it would be dangerous and unethical to have someone with cognitive impairment and/or memory loss use a hired service *by themselves* -- they need to be accompanied by someone other than the hired driver.
I know this from when my MIL was a county volunteer driver and also when she herself became impaired: the county's bus service would not take anyone who needed any sort of assistance, including my MIL with short-term memory loss.
I'm not sure if Uber or Lyft has this policy listed anywhere but I absolutely would not trust my LO to go by themselves or make the drivers (who are self-employed) be liable when they weren't given any warning. Very dangerous, very unethical.
Just have someone disconnect the battery for safety until he realizes he can’t drive and gives up the keys. It is their sense of losing everything so that is what my neuro told me and it worked until he came to terms with the fact he could not drive.
I agree with the fact someone with dementia shouldn’t use Uber, Lift or a taxi without supervision.
Wait until he’s in the shower or asleep and take his keys. You could replace with a dummy key as people suggested, that will be less obvious to him. As someone else said, he can have jingle keys in his pocket.
Id do both, switch to a dummy key and if you have another car, disable his car just to have something else to stop him. Just say ‘oh well, we call someone on Mon (or whatever) to fix the car’. Just keep postponing. Be sure to always hide the keys to your car. I hate to say this, but this is temporary. Eventually he will forget about driving. He just needs to be kept safe until this passes.
This won’t help you, but with my husband it was fairly easy. We only have one car. We had to sell my car for financial reasons. I said I need to drive….I’m losing my driving skills, and I also need to get familiar with my husbands car. I’m not the best driver and his car was much larger than mine and I had only ever driven small compacts. He had a large 4 door sedan. He said ok. Well, in the next few weeks, I would drive wherever we needed. In that short time, he sort forgot about driving and I took over. Just like I’ve taken over bill paying, all decisions etc etc. He never really asked about driving. I just kept saying I need to learn to be comfortable in his car.
Also, I’m not 100% sure on this, however I think once you have a medical diagnosis of dementia on your medical records and you get into a car accident, your car insurance at not cover an accident. Think about…there’s an accident, your husband speaks with the other party involved; they think this guys doesn’t sound “all there”. The cops come and they speak to your husband and they think he’s not “all there”. They may have him transported to a hospital to be evaluated. Even if they didn’t, when the accident report goes to the insurance company and they read that your husband didn’t sound “right” if suspect dementia, they can get medical records. If they see diagnosis of dementia, well, right there they’ll see your husband was advised he not drive.
Remeber, it’s not just about your husbands safety, it’s everyone around. Yeah, it’ll be hard, but again it’s only temporary, He will forget about driving.
Hello you’ll probably have to do some critical thinking… let air out tires… take battery out… have car moved to different location… he has to be shown “ the powers that be” lol oh don’t forget hiding the keys!! Good luck😊
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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He never knew his wife did this, so yeah, there's that. BUT---he was a dangerous driver and she likely saved him and perhaps other lives.
The POLICE took his keys and one drove the car home and gave his wife the keys. Ever now and then he'd get antsy and want to drive, but the remembrance of being pulled over and read the riot act kept him from driving.
Nowadays. with Uber and Lyft, anyone can get anywhere.
You need a letter from the MD and your MD should be notifying the DMV. This will suspend the license. If the MD won't send to DMV then get a letter for yourself and take it to the DMV.
The keys are an easy one. When he is asleep, remove them.
Disabling the car, if you are POA is also fine.
If he continues uncooperative, doing things like driving cars, buying cars, you may be looking at the necessity of MC placement.
Wishing you good luck.
DRIVING
The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.
******************************
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. (This is where the Driving info came from):
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”
https://www.amazon.com/Isnt-Common-Sense-Interacting-Dementia/dp/1481995995/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468655&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-4
If his dementia progresses to the point where you cannot manage him at home any longer, you may need to consider placement in Memory Care Assisted Living. Confer with his children on that matter, sooner rather than later, is my suggestion.
Best of luck.
Do you have children? A POA of your own? Some of these issues seem off in the future for a long time and then they arrive. Such is life. Protect yourself and test the waters with the son would be my advice.
And know that your husband truly believes he is fine. He is not pretending.
Then you could start asking if you might drive him somewhere. he's driven you all your life , has he not? Appeal to him that you need practice. Take him where he likes to go, not where you need, or have, to go! Just suck up the gas price and go for fun. Go for ice cream!
You might also check with your local DMV for a "replacement license". In your case this might make it worse, but you would know that. I got an ID license for my husband that looks just like a drivers license. He can no longer read so just recognizes the graphics as his license, doesn't recognize the Non-driver designation at all. He delights in giving me driving lessons! I got an "A+" last week when I drove exactly up to the mail drop !
Think outside the box, and good luck to you. This is one ride we all wish we did not have to take. Blessings!
My uncle should have had this done by his family and they didn't. He drove through a red light and was t-boned by another car. The impact killed his passenger: his wife of 60+ years, love of his life, mother of his 4 children, business partner, and 2x cancer survivor AND their dog that was riding on her lap.
Please remove or disable his car today.
It's only a matter of time before this woman causes an accident. The cars coming from the right that she has to turn left in front of are coming FAST. (40 MPH). She can't see them and mother can't turn her head to watch for them.
I haven't called the DMV on this woman. Mom is kind of scared of her--she's a real firecracker (the other woman, not mom) and she does WHAT SHE WANTS.
She lives with her daughter and her daughter is pretty chill about her mom driving all over from heck to breakfast. After thinking about it, I feel I may reach out to the daughter. I doubt she has a clue as to how much and how badly her mom is driving. And she probably is glad that she isn't the one doing the driving.
Years ago we were out in our brand new van for a family drive. An old man had a carful of old people (youngest was probably 90) and we watched in horror as he ran a stop sign right in front of us. Only the fact that we were all buckled in our van saved us. His car was hit, hard, by our big van and he spun around and around and finally wound up in a ditch. Only b/c the roads were wet and they 'slipped' rather than 'grabbed' saved their lives. We would have been fine, but they were all riding w/o seatbelts and the driver didn't even see us.
I still have nightmares about that. If anyone had even been hurt, my DH would have blamed himself forever.
We're lucky that both our moms pretty much decided on their own to quit driving.
This driver was legally blind, killed a young woman while driving 15 years after his license was suspended. He was sent to jail for 2 years and his family is being sued as they allowed him to drive.
His wife does not think she is liable, but he was driving her car with permission and had been for years.
If you are in BC Canada, you have a moral and a legal obligation to stop him from driving. And you could lose everything if it is proven you or someone else knew he was driving with a suspended license.
When he's asleep, root around and find his key. Put a replacement fake key back on the chain and let him keep it. Maybe at some point review the cost of the insurance (it gets very pricey the older the driver) plus the price of gas! and hopefully he'll agree to sell the car, assuming his is the only name on the title. Used cars are at a premium right now, so even driving into a dealership will have several salespeople flocking around you. It would be an "easy" way to sell it and you'd get a better price than in prior years.
If so, good. Then it could be easier to 'lose' the key to his car, or substitute (as Geaton cleverly suggested).
I know dishonesty is never nice, but 'therapeutic fibs' for safety are a different matter.
Have read of others who have had the car's engine or battery disabled - but if he was able to call roadside assistance this could be fixed. Better to 'lose' the key.
If the car is shared by you, that needs more thought! 🤔
I drive, but when together with my DH, he always drives (he insists). I can imagine trying to insist I drive us & him getting wild about that if cog issues were in the picture...
If your DH is used to you driving him already, you have a good advantage in that.
She had 6months to retake her driving test written and driving before it was finalized. She couldnt understand the written test bc it was on the computer at our DMV. Even thou she lost her license she refused to believe she couldnt drive. It kind of makes me chuckle now but PLEASE take hes keys away if he has been told to do so.
If u feel the doctor was correct you can have them submit a form to the DMV and they will schedule a review with your husband.
good luck
Prayers
Removing a car part sounds good, but selling it or donating it sounds even better. Removing the vehicle removes the daily reminder of what he can't have. Just like dieting, don't buy chocolate cake and leave it on the counter! I know there are people who have accounts with Uber or other companies that can offer scheduled appointment rides (e.g., like dialysis, medical and physical therapy appointments). Also, an in-home caretaker can drive him if she has a car!
I hired a companion aid for my 2 elderly Aunts while they were still mobile, and she drove them anywhere they wanted to go. It worked out great.
If you do not drive this particular car then remove it from the property. Either sell it or ask a family member to keep it for a while. It would be better to sell it though. There is no sense in paying insurance on a vehicle that will not be driven.
Side note about the insurance. If your husband is listed as a driver on YOUR vehicle do not remove him as a driver. Just in case he gets hold of YOUR keys and takes it out you need to have coverage.
Tell your husband that when the doctor writes a note telling the DMV that he can drive again he can drive. (I told my Husband that the medication he was on said he could not drive..but I also did not have his car on the property AND I would lock up my keys, or I wore them on my beltloop. And he did manage to still get my car 2 times...scary days, second time the police located him in the next state)
I know this from when my MIL was a county volunteer driver and also when she herself became impaired: the county's bus service would not take anyone who needed any sort of assistance, including my MIL with short-term memory loss.
I'm not sure if Uber or Lyft has this policy listed anywhere but I absolutely would not trust my LO to go by themselves or make the drivers (who are self-employed) be liable when they weren't given any warning. Very dangerous, very unethical.
Wait until he’s in the shower or asleep and take his keys. You could replace with a dummy key as people suggested, that will be less obvious to him. As someone else said, he can have jingle keys in his pocket.
Id do both, switch to a dummy key and if you have another car, disable his car just to have something else to stop him. Just say ‘oh well, we call someone on Mon (or whatever) to fix the car’. Just keep postponing. Be sure to always hide the keys to your car. I hate to say this, but this is temporary. Eventually he will forget about driving. He just needs to be kept safe until this passes.
This won’t help you, but with my husband it was fairly easy. We only have one car. We had to sell my car for financial reasons. I said I need to drive….I’m losing my driving skills, and I also need to get familiar with my husbands car. I’m not the best driver and his car was much larger than mine and I had only ever driven small compacts. He had a large 4 door sedan. He said ok. Well, in the next few weeks, I would drive wherever we needed. In that short time, he sort forgot about driving and I took over. Just like I’ve taken over bill paying, all decisions etc etc. He never really asked about driving. I just kept saying I need to learn to be comfortable in his car.
Also, I’m not 100% sure on this, however I think once you have a medical diagnosis of dementia on your medical records and you get into a car accident, your car insurance at not cover an accident. Think about…there’s an accident, your husband speaks with the other party involved; they think this guys doesn’t sound “all there”. The cops come and they speak to your husband and they think he’s not “all there”. They may have him transported to a hospital to be evaluated. Even if they didn’t, when the accident report goes to the insurance company and they read that your husband didn’t sound “right” if suspect dementia, they can get medical records. If they see diagnosis of dementia, well, right there they’ll see your husband was advised he not drive.
Remeber, it’s not just about your husbands safety, it’s everyone around. Yeah, it’ll be hard, but again it’s only temporary, He will forget about driving.
Good luck😊