My husband was very early medically retired four years ago. His desire was to return to Canada and live on an island. He is very ill all the time. One of our sons came to help me with my husband’s latest surgery: Took one look at me, sent me to a hotel and then took me back with him to the States. I have had two hospital stays since I got here and just don’t see how I can care for my husband or live so far from services.
The stay at the hotel in the closest town (ferry) was amazing. Everything close by, a lovely town. Here in the States, everything is easy and doable.
I am truly afraid to go back as much as I love my husband and the island.
Now we come down to long term choices.
I would tell my husband you are staying where your son is. I would tell son that and I would work on some division of assets with an attorney if that is needed and make son my POA. You can decide if you want ALF or if you want Independent living facility, or a small apartment near your son.
Might I ask, if hubby is generally not well, who is caring for him now?
I sure wish you the best. I see no need to throw yourself and the remainder of your life on some sacrificial altar to your husband's poor decision making.
I sure wish you the best. Welcome to the Forum and hope you will stick around, ask and answer and join the group.
Is husband Canadian and lived and worked in the US on a greencard? If he worked in the US does not matter if he is a US citizen or not, he can collect SS and Medicare.
"You will qualify for Medicare even if you are not a U.S. citizen if you qualify to receive or currently receive Social Security retirement benefits, Railroad Retirement Benefits (RRB), or Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI). In any of these cases, you will qualify for premium-free Part A. You will owe a premium for Part B."
I think its time for DH to realize that you and he need more help than is available on an island. Stress does not help your RA. Your son has seen you can't do this caring. Seems like you have some support with this son so need to be near him. I would see a lawyer to see what your options are.
And where are you living at the moment?
We all believe he may have had another embolism shower snd he is being watched by our GP. We have family and friends on the island but now it is getting really cold and I worry a lot.
Hope you are well!
BluegrassGirl (my grandchildren call me Jo after finding out my middle name is that snd the girls love Alcott’s series of novels
Thirty years ago that boat caught a wave and landed on his wife, breaking her hip, and she had to fly back to the U.S. sitting up and walking on board under her own power, or they wouldn't have let her fly. She was never able to walk properly again, and she was in her early 60s then.
Her husband never gave up on that stupid island, and he traveled there annually for 6-8 weeks at a time. His wife declined to participate after a few trips. I'm sure Bill would have been happy to live out his days on that sand spit, but his body gave out when he was at home, thank goodness.
You are not required to sacrifice your health and safety and acquiesce to your husband's whims. It's time for his come-to-Jesus moment where you MAKE the decision (not ask) to move to a stable, safe location and invite him to come along - or not. I have a feeling he'll choose you.
However this diagnosis plays out, I'd issue your DH an ultimatum: we either move off of this God-forsaken island or I move off of it ALONE. I'm not going to die on this island b/c you love living here. Period. That is incredibly unreasonable of him to expect such a thing, or to sit idly by and watch his beloved wife suffer like this! UNACCEPTABLE.
Best of luck taking your OWN health into consideration now.
If so I understand your concern, we struggle here to find specialists and waiting list is 8 months or more.
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