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Joe'sWife, how is it that your MIL is "getting" proxy authority over you and your husband? You and he have to sign a document giving her that authority; she can't just take that kind of control.
If she's drafted an agreement, the two of you need to see an attorney ASAP, and stop this unauthorized action.
Your mother-in-law is getting a Power of Attorney on you and your husband? She can only be signed on with YOUR content. You also have the ability to change it whenever you want.
It is up to YOU to sign her on as POA. I really don't see why you would pick HER when you have a husband who would know better of what you would want for your last days when you're dying (like in 60 years!).
A POA is ONLY effective if you can't speak for yourself (stroke, dementia, coma, etc.). Your husband would be the likely POA, as you would be for him. I would tell your MIL that you have changed your minds and want to be each other's POA's. The fact that you both probably won't need to use this for another 50-60 years, makes me wonder "WHY" MIL wants to be involved. I smell a rat here!
NO, she can NOT make you do anything you don't want to do. PLEASE do some research and look up Power of Attorney. She definitely has NO power to make you leave each other. I would stay away from her suggestions (and from her too.). Your sentence, "Can she make us leave each other?" makes me very uncomfortable. Is she trying to separate you two? Well, she can't do it that way.
Are you sure your in law isn't just doing their planning by making you or your husband THEIR power of attorney in case they are unable to care for themselves?
It's common (and a good thing) to plan as you get older and have an attorney draw up paperwork as to who you want to manage your health care and financial decisions in case you are unable to make those decisions for yourself. Of course, it's important to discuss these things with children or potential appointees beforehand.
Did they say what the POA is for? You and hubby (or whomever is designated) would have to agree to it, and would have the option to decline.
I agree, I think they are having their Power of Attorney's for their purpose. This is so if one or both are not able to make decisions for themselves your husband will be able to. Your husband will have no power until this happens. As a DIL, you may not want that responsibility so they need to assign someone else as secondary. If you or your husband do not want POA responsibility for his parents then tell them so they can make a different choice.
A POA is assigned. You or your husband would see a lawyer and ask that a particular person be assigned as your representative in case you are not able to handle your finances or medical decisions. No one can go to a lawyer and say "I want POA over this person."
Your in-laws maybe able to have POA drawn up but until you and your husband sign the document assigning them then its null and void. In other words its not legal. Also, this should all be done in a lawyers office witnessed and notarized. If you are uncomfortable or don't understand what is going on tell the lawyer. He should not force you to sign anything that you don't understand. I really think you, personally, need a family member or someone to help you understand the process. Like we have said, no one can "get" a POA on you and if in-laws are trying I wouldn't want them having any controll over me.
Have you or your husband been declared not able to make your own medical decisions by a court or by doctors who are willing to attest to that in court?
How did you hear about this POA issue? Does your in law understand what a POA Is? Is your husband likely to sign this, giving his mother authority to make medical decisions for him if he is not able?
Unless there is more to this story, tell her "good luck with that!".
If she threatening you, then you need to get a lawyer and you Drs involved. Is she threatening you in any way? Is she coming after you for poor parenting or poor mental health maintenance or money management? For if it is, attempting to obtain a Medical POA is an unusual way to go about it, and Nobody can force you to sign over POA to them.
Joe's wife, she cannot "force" you to sign anything, nor can she lock you up. Only law enforcement can incarcerate someone. I agree with Becky. I think there's more to this story.
Joe's Wife, we can't offer accurate suggestions if critical parts of the situation are omitted. Why does she feel that being bipolar could contribute to the need for alleged jail time? Are you both in compliance with your doctor's instructions for your meds? If so, perhaps you could ask your doctor to intervene and either call MIL or write her and advise her that you're under treatment and she has no authority to meddle.
I’ve read both of your posts and profile information. Bipolar disorder is often hard to treat. You appear to have a lot of responsibilities. Profile says that you are taking care of your husband, two children, are pregnant and care for someone named Crystal. Besides bipolar what other problems does your husband have that require care? What problem does Crystal have that requires care? Medications for bipolar sometimes cause side effects that can impact one’s ability to maintain a regular schedule,to work, etc. How do you and your husband support yourselves?
If you're in need of mental health treatment or adjustment of your medications, it would probably be best to get treated voluntarily. If you or hubby are in a manic or depressed state, and if the police feel that you are a danger to yourselves or others, they can make it mandatory that you go to an inpatient facility (which is NOT jail and you wouldn't be in trouble), BUT it would be much better for you if you got the proper treatment of your own accord if needed. Besides, you want to be sure you are thinking clearly for the sake of your children also.
I have had people close to me, including my oldest child, who have struggled with bipolar disorder. Treatment is nothing to be ashamed of. Just know it could be that MIL is worried about both of you if she sees you aren't eating, sleeping or thinking clearly. I know when my daughter has been manic or depressed, I just wanted her to get better so she would be herself again and I would know she was okay. Hugs to you - I hope you will be okay too and make sure you take care of you.
Everyone of u are wrong I'm pregnant we take care of our children and yourself he are just bipolar and locking is in a mental hospital isnt going to solve anything the parents of our children are to controlling his sister is MR by the state and she is own her own with kids but lives in a dump they baby there son to much he is only bipolar none of u are helping y'all are just judging i support a 53 year old my mother in law gets $300 from me every month plus I pay rent i have no money left they are money hungry it's all about the money not the love and for those of u that understand me and are on my side thanks u so much I appreciate it. She is a alcoholic she makes us go bum money and walk to the store for beer everyday and we get in trouble by her husband this is the whole story she is a mean drunk
I am very confused by your above post, and we all really want to help. could you perhaps reread it and edit it a bit? You say "the parents of our children " and that his sisters "baby there son to much he is bipolar"? I feel like you are really going through a rough time, and wish you all the best.. You also say your MIL ? makes you beg? and go buy her beer? How is this?
Tacy022, You expressed many of my thoughts. I’m a clinical psychologist. Over the past 10 years I’ve attended probably 100+ SSDI and SS hearings. Most bipolar persons function very well with medication and treatment. There are periodic adjustments needed at times. For someone to get SSDI there has to be a disabling component. SSDI is not routinely awarded for bipolar. Bumming for beer money for a MIL is not part of being a good parent. They need to move out. The in laws cannot have them committed. or get POA without just cause.
JoesWife, I really think you've misunderstood many of the posts here and have ignored the difficulty in following your situation. I don't think I'm the only who kept wondering what thas situation really was.
Yet people continued to post, offer suggestions, and try to help, not really understanding because the situation just wasn't clarified.
Now in a rambling James Joyce style stream of consciousness post you claim that 'Everyone of u are wrong …". Well, I think we were wrong, to try to understand, to try to help.
I really do need to address one particular "sentence": "she makes us go bum money and walk to the store for beer everyday". Are you serious? If you allow yourself to be manipulated and dominated, don't accuse someone else of "making" you do something. All you have to do is say "'No!"
Don't worry about our trying to help you any more. I suspect I'm not the only one who will continue to be "wrong". But I won't devote any more time to being "wrong." There are other posts which are coherent, and posters who are appreciative of time spent trying to help them.
I wish you and your family the best in sorting out this situation, which is still confusing to me.
And Tacy, kudos to you for calling the shots as you see them! Well said!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If she's drafted an agreement, the two of you need to see an attorney ASAP, and stop this unauthorized action.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/Enacted-439417.htm?orderBy=recent&page=1#comment870268
It is up to YOU to sign her on as POA. I really don't see why you would pick HER when you have a husband who would know better of what you would want for your last days when you're dying (like in 60 years!).
A POA is ONLY effective if you can't speak for yourself (stroke, dementia, coma, etc.). Your husband would be the likely POA, as you would be for him. I would tell your MIL that you have changed your minds and want to be each other's POA's.
The fact that you both probably won't need to use this for another 50-60 years, makes me wonder "WHY" MIL wants to be involved. I smell a rat here!
NO, she can NOT make you do anything you don't want to do. PLEASE do some research and look up Power of Attorney. She definitely has NO power to make you leave each other. I would stay away from her suggestions (and from her too.).
Your sentence, "Can she make us leave each other?" makes me very uncomfortable. Is she trying to separate you two? Well, she can't do it that way.
It's common (and a good thing) to plan as you get older and have an attorney draw up paperwork as to who you want to manage your health care and financial decisions in case you are unable to make those decisions for yourself. Of course, it's important to discuss these things with children or potential appointees beforehand.
Did they say what the POA is for? You and hubby (or whomever is designated) would have to agree to it, and would have the option to decline.
A POA is assigned. You or your husband would see a lawyer and ask that a particular person be assigned as your representative in case you are not able to handle your finances or medical decisions. No one can go to a lawyer and say "I want POA over this person."
Your in-laws maybe able to have POA drawn up but until you and your husband sign the document assigning them then its null and void. In other words its not legal. Also, this should all be done in a lawyers office witnessed and notarized. If you are uncomfortable or don't understand what is going on tell the lawyer. He should not force you to sign anything that you don't understand. I really think you, personally, need a family member or someone to help you understand the process. Like we have said, no one can "get" a POA on you and if in-laws are trying I wouldn't want them having any controll over me.
Does your in law understand what a POA Is? Is your husband likely to sign this, giving his mother authority to make medical decisions for him if he is not able?
If she threatening you, then you need to get a lawyer and you Drs involved. Is she threatening you in any way? Is she coming after you for poor parenting or poor mental health maintenance or money management? For if it is, attempting to obtain a Medical POA is an unusual way to go about it, and Nobody can force you to sign over POA to them.
Joe's Wife, we can't offer accurate suggestions if critical parts of the situation are omitted. Why does she feel that being bipolar could contribute to the need for alleged jail time? Are you both in compliance with your doctor's instructions for your meds? If so, perhaps you could ask your doctor to intervene and either call MIL or write her and advise her that you're under treatment and she has no authority to meddle.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-want-my-husband-to-move-on-our-own-but-his-parents-keep-threatening-me-and-him-any-advice-439446.htm
I have had people close to me, including my oldest child, who have struggled with bipolar disorder. Treatment is nothing to be ashamed of. Just know it could be that MIL is worried about both of you if she sees you aren't eating, sleeping or thinking clearly. I know when my daughter has been manic or depressed, I just wanted her to get better so she would be herself again and I would know she was okay. Hugs to you - I hope you will be okay too and make sure you take care of you.
Yet people continued to post, offer suggestions, and try to help, not really understanding because the situation just wasn't clarified.
Now in a rambling James Joyce style stream of consciousness post you claim that 'Everyone of u are wrong …". Well, I think we were wrong, to try to understand, to try to help.
I really do need to address one particular "sentence": "she makes us go bum money and walk to the store for beer everyday". Are you serious? If you allow yourself to be manipulated and dominated, don't accuse someone else of "making" you do something. All you have to do is say "'No!"
Don't worry about our trying to help you any more. I suspect I'm not the only one who will continue to be "wrong". But I won't devote any more time to being "wrong." There are other posts which are coherent, and posters who are appreciative of time spent trying to help them.
I wish you and your family the best in sorting out this situation, which is still confusing to me.
And Tacy, kudos to you for calling the shots as you see them! Well said!