My MIL can be very sweet at times, but is very much a Queen bee. She is controlling, and very verbally abusive. We live in another state now. My husband is thinking he may be the only person who can care for her. A relative that lived with her had to move because she couldn't take it anymore. I'm in my early seventies, my husband had a heart attack 6 years ago, and I think it's crazy to even consider it. I'd be leaving my adult daughters here & moving to a new state. MIL has a very difficult time with a caregiver sent to her home to help her with showering. She absolutely threw a fit and refused. She has refused to see doctors. We've had to find ways around that with mobile doctors coming to her home. I think finding a part-time home health caregiver would be a help to her. It will just have to be the right person. She dresses herself, can give herself a shower now, can use a microwave and converses well. She is refusing to take walks. Assisted living would be another choice. Ideas?
She’d pester us at all hours, pounding on our bedroom door because she was mad about something. Or wanted something. 2am, 4am, 6am... she didn’t care. She felt entitled to my attention and services. Meanwhile, we had to be up for work (husband) and get the kids ready for school (me). My blood pressure soared, I stress ate lots of extra weight and was a nervous wreck. The tension in our home was unbearable.
Do not do it! You will lose your life!
I hope things work out for you, Hiker.
If your husband insists, go to a lawyer and ask about division of assets. If you secure your half, don’t let it be invested in the new house. Then you have at least an option for getting out, if you do get forced into the move.
Even going to the lawyer to ask about it, and then discussing it with DH, is a very very good way to show in practical terms how serious you are about objecting to this. If DH won’t listen, go ahead with the division of assets. You don’t have to leave him or divorce, just secure your financial future in case it really does go wrong. After all, half of the marriage and its funds, genuinely are yours.
Do we have this conversation now? The one about the real risk of caregivers (with known health issues OR healthy) suddenly passing away BEFORE their elderly parent.
you have no powers . We have had many people come here in a bind stuck with someone in their home because someone else has POA and doesn’t want to place the parent in assisted living .
The woman will most likely refuse a caregiver aide to come help at the home . She will expect her son and daughter in law to do it all . She also refuses doctors. This is all available at assisted living .
No family member should volunteer to live with an uncooperative , controlling , verbally abusive person. Other family has already quit living with her .
Furthermore,
The queen bee mother will try to maintain parental control as she sees your husband as her child . She will not listen to him .
There are countless threads on this Forum where people made the mistake your husband wants to make and they are begging for ways to get their parent out of the house . Their mental and physical health suffers , as well as their marriages .
Tell your husband DON’T DO IT. It is difficult to get a parent out of your home when it becomes their legal residence .
Do not move and upend your life .