I've seen posts about people's LO's complaining and being negative all the time. The answers are to listen and say I'm sorry, but when it's about getting out of there and you can't change that, she's not satisfied with an "I'm sorry." Just saying I'm sorry isn't enough because she doesn't get an answer. When I've said you can't, she goes on and on about why she should be able to and I of course can't say yes. Changing the subject doesn't last long. So that's all she talks about. Any suggestions? Please help. I do not want to visit her at all these days.
Listen then Distract: Give full empathy to her first vent. Add your "I am sorry.. that is the case, you are here, this it happening for you" etc.
If she feels heard, maybe this can work? (I dunno... dementia can keep up a constant loop..)
Then move the conversation on - with words, visual or tactile distractions - whatever you have brought eg photos, flowers.
Take over: Each time MIL circles back, look her in the eye & say, we've talked about that, now let's talk about something different.
Seems a bit bossy.. but worth a go?
Or the Counsellor approach: Yes I hear you. What are YOU going to do about that?
Probably get a blank look..
I think the pressure comes when we fall into that pattern of 'I have to smooth it over / fix the problem / make someone feel better'. When we let go of that - let go of this being our problem to solve, it's a little easier.
Like if my LO said I really want out of this cold old town, I need a new house somewhere sunny & tropical! I have zero obligation to make that happen. Just curiousity: Sounds great! How will you do it?
If your Mother's negativity is in the afternoons mostly it is called Sundowning, a common feature of dementia. Try visiting her right after breakfast, or when visiting take her to an activity in the facility and then excuse yourself to leave before taking her back to her room where she will start fixating about leaving. It's hard. Everything about dementia is hard. May you receive peace in your heart!