My mom lives with my sister, Billie Jo. In the past two weeks, she is telling Billie Jo that she is not her daughter. She is insistent that Billie Jo tells her who her parents are, and is very upset that no one ever told her that she is not her daughter. She calls my sister "the other girl" or "the other Billie Jo". She will not let it go. She calls my siblings and me and ask us if we know her situation (I guess living with "the other Billie Jo". It is really upsetting because we can't get her past it. Any suggestions on what to say to her to calm her down?
If she insists that Billie Jo is not her daughter let it go. Billie Jo knows, you know and so does the rest of the family.
When she asks about Billie Jo's parents tell mom about HER, her husband (your dad) and the rest of the family. Tell mom that she had a good mom, that she loved her. If mom asks why she is not with her mom just say mom is not feeling well and we have some very nice people taking care of her.
I doubt seriously if my Husband knew I was his wife. He did not call me by my name the last 4 or 5 years of his life. Occasionally when we were out he would follow someone and I would ask where he was going and he would say he was looking for his wife. Did it upset me? Not really it made me sad. But also happy that he still knew I was a safe person for him.
I think with dementia we all loose identity .
The person with dementia looses themselves.
We lose ourselves as individuals
And our loved ones no longer know us for who we are.
Sad all the way around.
Don't stress about this, you all know who you are.
You are not going to be able to change Moms mind. They get something into their minds and you can't change it. Your sister is going to have to just play along. Maybe say "Billie Jo had to go to work and she asked me to come over and do some chores for her and make sure you were OK"
You also need to realize that your Mom may not see her Billie Jo as an adult but as a child. This happened with my daughter and my Dad. She was trying to help him and said "Pop Pop its Renee" he said "No its not, Renee is a little girl".
Your Moms brain is literally dying little by little. You can no longer reason with her. They lose the ability to empathize. Their short term memory loss will not allow them to remember from day to day, minute by minute. They become self-centered and like small children. If this gets too much for your sister, think about placing Mom. Dementia has no rhyme or reason and because of this, its very hard to deal with.
Maureen
tou have provided me options on how to handle bad days. Thank you
Here is an article that will help you understand it better and some suggestions.
https://www.healthline.com/health/capgras-syndrome
There was a post on here once where a caregiver wife told her husband with Alzheimer’s when he insisted she wasn’t the wife that the next time the other wife showed up to have her do some laundry.
My FIL had a similar problem with his house. He thought he had another house in a neighboring community that was exactly like the house he was living in. You won’t get her past it by trying to convince her she’s wrong. The article has some suggestions.
Prepare yourself.
I can’t imagine how hard this is for your sister and for you watching her go through it. It strikes me that your mother knows who you and your siblings are on the phone, perhaps your sister “the real” Billy Jo should try chatting on the phone with her. Maybe it’s a visual disconnect and changing her appearance when around mom would help, I’ll wear a hat Mom so you know which one is me but when I’m not there the other Billy Jo is there to help me out so please be nice to her”.
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