Hi all,
I'm coming to you because you all have been so helpful in the past. My parents (90 & 91) are living in American House/Independent living. My mom has dementia and progressively getting worse. I work part time and help my parents with their needs when I'm off, which I love. My mom is so scared and gets worried very easily. We live 5 minutes now from AH but are moving 20 mins away. My dad said it's going to be very hard on my mom. Nothing will change in regards to the time I spend with them. Only change will be I'll be 20 minutes away verses 5. My poor mom is the sweetest and I just want to go easy for her...and my dad since he will get the brunt of her moods. Should we tell her? Should we just have them over and not say we moved to her. Not sure if she would even connect that we moved even though we have been in the house for 32 years. This probably sounds so trivial, but I'm so close to my parents and try and keeps things easy for them as much as I can. I don't want to cause anything for my dad. Has a lot on this plate
I appreciate any advice you can offer!
Thank you :)
When mom comes over, if she notices that you live in a different place just be really nonchalant about it and act as though it has been ages.
You are a wonderful daughter & your folks are fortunate to have you caring for them. Wishing you the best of luck with your move and with managing your parents' care.
Two years after my mom (who was 92 at the time) was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's and still exhibited emotions, I told her my husband and I were moving. I didn't think it would be a big deal because we weren't moving to another state or even another city. She was quite upset. I had to keep telling her it was only 15 minutes further away - she just couldn't calm down. This went on for awhile the whole deal was a disaster, we never moved in, turned around and put it on the market while losing a large sum of our retirement fund. Thankfully, we hadn't put our own two-story home on the market and was able to stay put.
In 2018, we decided to finally sell our home and rent a one story house five minutes from our house so it wouldn't even change how much time it took to drive to her ALF at the time. I didn't tell her at all. We really had to be careful not to slip up though when we talked to her.
Now, two years later she's in a new facility that is in a neighboring city since she had declined in April when she nearly died of severe dehydration and COVID. She doesn't have the emotions like she used to have so even though I still haven't told her we moved into a rental home, I have told her it's pretty much a straight shot to get to her new facility even telling her our dog's vet is around the corner (which it is) for comfort. At this point, it doesn't seem to really register so I just let it be.
That being said, it seems like it would depend on whether they are still in the stage where they get highly emotional/upset or if they are like how my mom is now - nothing really seems to bother her.
In your case since you don't think she'd make the connection, you could just have them over and not say anything at all like you mentioned.
I hope that helps and I wish you and your family the best!