My 91 year old mother has basically stopped eating. She has had some upper digestive issues for the past several weeks - constipation, vomiting, burping up food. She had a stroke 3 years ago. She probably has mild dementia. She and my dad live alone and WILL not listen to a single thing my sisters and I say or suggest. In the past she has cried wolf so much we vacillate between there being something wrong and all the symptoms made up. Her mobility has declined a great deal in the last month and she’s slurring her words. She is sleeping a lot. We have no idea what meds she takes because she won’t tell us and hides them. She has a doctors appointment tomorrow with the gastroenterologist - hopefully we will get some answers. But the bottom line she eats maybe a 1/2 piece of toast or one scrambled egg for breakfast and that’s it for the day. She drinks 1/2 cup coffee and maybe a few sips of water during the day.
We all die. Not wishing to eat, a wasting away is rather a merciful death over all. Consider now if it is time for palliative care and/or hospice care, end of life care.
If this were my mom, I would ask about a hospice evaluation. A lot of people basically stop eating when they are nearing the end. I'm not saying that is definitely what is happening but is a possibility.
Best of luck.
I'm sorry for your pain.
I discussed with her nurses, and they said once someone decides to stop eating, there is little anyone can do. As my mother is drinking, they said it will be a very slow (as if it hasn't been long enough) decline. I will not prolong her existence with any intervention as she had said herself that she is ready to die.
You may not get any answers as to why your mother isn't eating. She may have just decided to stop eating. There will be little that you can do, especially if they aren't prepared to allow anyone to help, even with advice.
My grandma-in-law would do the “I’m not hungry!” thing often. She had dementia and macular degeneration. Her bad eyesight was the initial cause of refusing food. She couldn’t make out what was in front of her and she’d smile, wave at the plate and say “Oh, take it away!”. She was trying to mask how bad her vision had become, or that her mind no longer recognized certain foods. Eventually the NH had to rely on Ensure to keep her going.
My own grandma didn’t have dementia but was so stubborn and angry that she’d use not eating as a means of control and expressing anger. If we put a plate of food in front of her, she’d turn her head and make a scowly face like a 3-year-old. You’d have thought we’d put bugs on her plate, she looked so repulsed!
She broke her hip and was in a very nice rehab (even she agreed it was nice) place for a few months. She lost about 25 pounds quickly and insisted that “it’s just fluid”. Refused Ensure and appetite meds didn’t help. She’d eat a piece of lettuce and would just do the tiniest nibbles like a squirrel, then insist she’d eaten. It was so aggravating. Finally her doctor sat next to her and asked if she would prefer a feeding tube. Of course she got mad and said “NO!”. He said he could not force her to get a tube, but he flat out told her that if she continued this hunger strike game, that she was going to die very soon. That scared her. Guess who ate over half her dinner that night?
But don't expect any miracles.
My MIL has lived on less than 400 calories for almost a year. She eats a hard boiled egg for breakfast and possibly on small piece of cheese. She drinks coffee with 3 T of Boost in it. That's it.
Incredible to me she's still standing. She has not lost a lot of weight, and she is considered to be 'doing great' in Hospice. IDK what that means, and nobody tells me.
She doesn't have issues with swallowing, she just doesn't want to eat. That's what put her in Hospice to start with. We were told 2-3 weeks at that level of malnutrition and we're moving into month 10 or 11 with this level of caloric intake.
MIL also sleeps about 18 hrs per day. She doesn't take any meds except for benzos to keep her from 'raging'.
It's fully expected she will live another 6 months to year.
Will Mom drink boost ?
Let us know what doc says .
You really can't do anything to make an elder with a GI issue eat more or, God forbid, drink water 🙄. See what the doc says and go from there I guess.
Best of luck to you
See All Answers