Fear of being watched, laughed at, and picked on because she can't move as fast, or uses a walker/wheelchair, or needs help getting up out of a chair. She's lost interest in going to church, community events and just doing stuff in general. So, now she sits in the house and watches TV from morning to night. The highlight of her day is walking to the mailbox to see what's in there. Frankly, I'm worried. She's not ill and she still has some life in her to live.
I signed her up for the local Senior Center where the seniors paint, play bingo, exercise, and take little local field trips. I enrolled her in the Senior Saints group at our church so she can start developing some Christian relationships and friendships. She's always been involved in the church. She doesn't have many friends left, in fact, she buried 5 just last year. It's part of aging.
So, I remind her to live everyday as the last day. But, I'm tired of pushing her. It's like she's lost all interest in doing anything. I mean, I know she has pain and getting around is not as easy as it used to be, but so what? Should I just let her be? Do you think she will die faster, if she "stops" living?
And where is all the fear and anxiety coming from? She NEVER used to care what other people thought! She taught me that when I was young and it kept me focused and confident. Now, it's like she's scared of everyone. If we're out, she tell me to keep my voice down because people will start looking at us. If I join a long line ahead of her to grab a spot, instead of joining me, she'll go all the way to the back of the line so people don't get mad at her for skipping. I don't know what's going on, but I know you good, smart people can help.
Her regular doc saw nothing wrong.
It took a geriatrics doc two visits to send her to a geriatric psychiatrist. After one visit with the geriatrics psych, she re-jiggered mom's anxiety meds and called me to get a full neuropsych workup. The results staggered us.
I would start with a visit to a geripsych to assess for both depression and cognitive issues.
I know that with all the Covid lockdowns that many people developed an unhealthy fear about many things and became depressed and anxious, so perhaps that's what happened with your mom.
I hope that she will let you take her to the Senior Center(just drop her off, don't stay)as I think once there, she will actually enjoy herself, and let go of some of her anxiety.
Bless you for taking the necessary steps to get mom back on track with living and enjoying her life.
My FIL went through social anxiety after his wife died. He was living in a senior apartment and became so anxious just from being alone. Once he moved into Independent Living, though, he loved it because he told me he felt SAFE, had people his own age he could talk to, and then became more like his old self. Nurses were there if he needed help, and he was around people all the time.
Has she participated in any of the Senior center and church activities? If not, she just may need time. Have you gone to any of these with her, or does she have any family or friends her age who would want to go? I think going into any new social setting by yourself is cause for anxiety whether you're 8 or 80.
Getting old sure ain't for the faint of heart, I think this with every passing year. Good luck to you and mom.
It is likely time for this to be discussed with your mom and her doctor. It is always difficult to understand how much of this wishing not to be involved is "normal" and how much is anxiety-induced. Your mom and you BOTH may want to attend a few counseling sessions with a Licensed Social Worker in private counseling practice to fully talk this out.
If your mom's decision is to stay home, not participate, then I think your pushing and prodding may only hurt her the more. However, if there ARE things she likes still to do, and feels unable for some reason, that is another thing, and it's important now to TALK and know what her wishes are. If that can be ascertained I say the ball is in her court. We lose all too much as we age too add our making of our own decisions to the pile.
I sure wish you the best and I understand your worries come from a caring heart, but in the end, this is your mom's decision.
Is she going to the activities you set up for her?
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