My mom is in the end stages of Dementia, living at a Memory Care Facility within a mile of my home...Due to Covid-19; I have not been able to see her since March 17th (I used to see her 2x daily (and she had been thriving), except on Sundays (my brother would visit then) and am fortunate to FaceTime with her 6 days a week; however, I can feel her slipping away from me more and more every second of every minute of every conversation every time I talk to her.
I am grateful to have all those FaceTime memories, those bleeps of Mom but I can feel the end is nearing. I went and spoke with the Executive Director early today begging him to let me spend time with my mom before she loses her battle. I can't bear the thought of her not being there for her when she's struggling with everything. This is slowly killing me!! I am at a loss.
Executive Director just called and said So, sorry we can't let you see her but, I have to tell you the nurse called her Dr today because she's lost her appetite and you do have the option to take her home. I asked how many meals she had to miss before I could see her again... to which he said they would keep us posted. REALLY?? That's the best you can do! Help Me!!! Who has the final word at a Facility?
If you do decide to take your mom home, be sure to get hospice involved because you'll have a lot on your hands and they can be very helpful
I'm so sorry for all the grief you're going through. Sending you a hug and prayer, dear woman
You do have the right to remove your mother from the facility and to bring her to your house or another facility if one will accept her during this pandemic period. This situation is so hard on everyone and everyone's nerves are fraying. Although I know you see the facility director as being unfair to you because you desperately want to see your mother from my perspective the facility director is doing everything he/she can to keep all the residents safe. Different side, same coin.
Also, people with end-stage ALzheimer's simply forgot how to swallow. You can always get a feeding tube. It kept my mom alive a long time and I did not have to watch her die of dehydration which can take weeks. Check residuals to see if she is digesting properly. Mom never had a problem with it, but when started retaining feeding and water I stopped--but she was dying of liver failure from cancer. Alzheimer's did NOT kill mom. Cancer did...but she died without pain, and medications are very easy to give with a feeding tube.
I am so sorry you are finding yourself in such a heartbreaking situation. The pandemic has certainly wreaked havoc on all our lives causing inconsistencies from state to state, place to place.
I'm curious if your mom is under hospice care within the facility. Also, is she being given any type of medication that may be making her sedated in any way to give the illusion that she's slipping away?
At my mom's new facility in the memory care wing due to nearly dying of severe dehydration and getting COVID, I've been unable to see her in person since March 13th. However, when we did move her to this facility, I was told by our Administrator/Director that should my mom be near death, I would be allowed to come into the facility to be with her. So it's appalling to me that in your situation it's not the case.
Can you call your state's Ombudsman because you seem to be getting nowhere fast with the director on your own - they intercede on behalf of families when there are issues with the facility. They should be able to give you guidance or may even speak with the director on your behalf. In our state, the major cities have their own Ombudsman assigned to that specific city as they are more familiar with the facilities within their designated area. I had to contact ours several times in the last three months with our situation.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you will be granted the ability to be by your mom's side in her final moments and I hope you will let us know what transpires!
BEFORE YOU DECIDE ON THAT... MAKE SURE THERE IS NO NEGLIGENCE ON THEIR PART... CHECK HER OUT FOR BED SORES = PRESSURE SORES AND UTI..; If that person is saying ; YOU HAVE THE OPTION.... THEY MAY HAVE GIVEN HER AN ISSUE OR PROBLEM, which they would not want to admit.
praying for you. good luck
you should have taken her out of the home during the Civid and she would still be striving.
I would go get her today znd have her brought to your home and I can guarantee you she'll start eating again.
as of now. She doesn't have the desire to live, so she won't.
I have been living with my Dad for the last 3 years or so. When his level of care was get more than his quality of life. That’s what I did with my Dad.
I look at hospice as a fork in the road. I called Sutter hospice. Just knowing I and he had the control, is priceless. My father passed away in his home having contact with friends and family in communication with him.
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