My mother has been my full focus since 2014. She's taken a turn for the worse and I wake every morning wondering if she's alive. I can't continue taking all the stress of taking care of her, it's way too much. How do I get her used to idea of sharing a room with a stranger in a nursing home?
Could you say a little more about your mother's care needs, and especially these recent problems?
When my Mom was in rehab and then later moved to long-term-care, both of her roommates were excellent. Both would buzz the nurse whenever my Mom was falling out of bed [Mom forgot she couldn't walk].
i don't know if you can convince Mom that there could be a chance that when she goes into "continuing care" [don't call it a nursing home in front of Mom], that her roommate would be great. Her next best friend forever. And a roommate who needs someone that roommate can talk to, so your Mom would be helping that person out by being her friend.
And if the roommate isn't a good match, Mom might be able to move to another room. No one is going to be perfect, so Mom will need to give a little.
If a hospital admission happens again, that will be your opportunity to stand firm and say that with three hospital admissions within six months there is clear evidence that your mother cannot be cared for safely at her home and must be admitted to long term care.
Given that there are recognised emotional and perhaps psychiatric difficulties too, I don't think you'll get very far trying to make your mother happy about this decision. She's unhappy, period. Your health and mental welfare being sacrificed is not going to change that or benefit her. She needs more care than you can provide, and that's the fact of it - but she doesn't have to like it. The 'fear of roommate' thing sounds like a bit of a red herring, I doubt if it's the real obstacle; but if you think it might help you can go through the NH's policy on ensuring that residents sharing a space are well-matched, or at least not bothering one another.
Meanwhile, do you already have a specific nursing home in mind? Are you in contact with them? Because their admissions team will have a lot of experience in helping new residents and their families to adjust to the change and could be a useful source of advice.