I am the middle child and get along well with most everyone including my two sisters. However they hate each other and are constantly making snide remarks to me about each other. I stay out of it and don't comment. Both are married with families. I am single. I am grieving my mother passing and will be driving 9 hours to the funeral on Monday. My older sister and her family will stay with me in my mother's house to give me some company. I have also been the go between giving the older sister important information on my mother's declining health and also the funeral arrangements. I felt that it was important as my mother's child also that she stayed informed. The younger sister doesn't want the older sister to stay in our mother's house and told me that she would fight with her on this. She then said that I was taking sides when I said why and said F*ck you too and hung up on me. She then sent me a text saying that she would not be attending our mother's funeral. The older sister also said the she and her husband would talk about it and may not attend either because they refuse to get involved in the drama. I am more than stressed out and very anxious. I will be attending alone and I am alone.
Why are they feuding? Some incident or just generally don't like each other?
Let me first extend my condolences to you and your family in the loss of your mother and I am so sorry that your two sisters are behaving like children and you are in the middle - both literally and figuratively speaking.
Grief is hard enough without having family members fighting, creating drama and causing distress for you - the innocent one. Not only that, because they can't put their differences aside for this important time it probably feels like you are being punished. I know you would prefer to have them both at the funeral since you get along with both of them but, please don't force the issue. Your mother only passes away once and there will only be a funeral once - don't let your sisters take that away from you.
When my dad passed away in 2004, I did not want my mother's daughter (my half sister) from her first marriage, who was 15 years older than myself, to attend my dad's funeral. Why? Because she was always trying to come between my mom and dad. My dad did not like the trouble she would cause over the years. In his last years, he did come to a place of being a little more at peace in her presence and I certainly didn't try to take that away from him as that was his business. But, she nearly ruined my parent's marriage in which all of us suffered and it left an indelible mark on me both as a child and young adult. The night after my dad passed away, the hospice Pastor who had been visiting our family while he was dying could see I was troubled. He asked what was wrong and I explained that I didn't want her at the funeral causing trouble and ruining everything that we had planned (she had already ruined my wedding day). My husband and I made all the arrangements as my mom was 79 and she couldn't think clearly. I wanted everything to be nice but, she gets angry when she isn't the center of attention and tends to storm off and disappear making my mom go look for her. I just couldn't bare that happening. So the Pastor told my mom everything I told him.
The day of the funeral, I was slightly nervous wondering if she would "just show up" even though she lived over an hour away. Thankfully, she didn't and we had a lovely service.
This was the first death I had ever experienced in my immediate family and I was so naive thinking everyone would just get along. It is extremely painful to realize that it's not always the case.
You have done everything you can do to help bring everyone together peaceably. Please attend your mom's funeral even if it means alone. Your sisters will be the ones who will (if they have any shred of humanness) have to deal with any regrets if and when that time should come. Go in peace my dear and may you feel God's love and comfort in the difficult days ahead!
The Hotel sounds good. Stay neutral. Do what you need to do and then return home. When one sister calls to complain about the other, just say not your Drama, not getting involved you just don't have the energy.
You should let them know for once how you feel about it and that their selfishness and bickering of thinking only of themselves even at this time is awful.
Let them know you will be attending the funeral by yourself and will offer neither one of them any more updates.
Love and Prayers
Sorry for the loss of your mother, Sending my thoughts and prayers to you during this most difficult time. You can private message me anytime for support.
You have enough to deal with. Emotions are high during a death of a parent. Do not get involved with your sisters squabbles, it is their relationship. Let them do what they want about the funeral. Very sad they can't set aside their feelings for the sake of your dear mother, how selfish and cruel. You have every right to have your sister stay with you. The other sister sounds quite controlling, let her be. Plan your mother's funeral and stay away from negative energy. It is really their problem to begin with. You can't fix them. Personal hardships sometimes bring out the best or the worst in a person. You are the strong and compassionate one, your mother would be proud. Stay focused on what needs to be done. Remember you are never alone, God is not far away. Hugs to you!!
When mom died I opted for a simple cremation, no ceremony. When a person dies, that's it. They are gone.
Mom's ashes are in a beautiful wooden cigar box and kept in an antique cabinet at home.
The best thing to do for your mom is carry on and go on living. That's what she would want.
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