If my Mom really wants to go to another facility for long term care, do I call them ahead of time? Are there waiting lists? I don't know how long she'll be in rehab but they have so much more and it's a great place to live. I'm hoping she'll like it enough to stay. I'm just afraid that she won't have a place to go after rehab and the Dr. said she can't live independently anymore. She just got there yesterday so I haven't talked to anyone there yet. If my Mom is determined I don't know what to do.
Where/what is the "somewhere else" that your mother is talking about, and what was she in hospital for? How long is she expected to remain in rehab?
You are worrying about this much too soon. Nothing terrible will happen if you don't sign your mother into the long term unit by this afternoon.
Your mom will be in rehab for a bit, so as CountryMouse says, give her a chance to get settled.
Tell us why she was in the hospital; it will help us guide you better.
Please remember that you are not responsible for finding her "a different place" just because she mentions it. Your mother can speak to the social worker at the rehab and ask for help with that.
Don't jump through hoops.
If you jump through all the hoops and get her moved, what are you going to do when she decides that it isn't what she thought and now she wants to move again and again and again?
Sometimes I think this is a very active way of denying they are in LTC. Because it's not really long term if you are moving frequently.
I would definitely tell her she is able to do whatever she wants but, she will be doing it without your assistance. She does it all, you only visit and advocate where she is, wherever that might be.
Wow, I had never thought of this, but it rings so true!
What exactly doesn't she like about the current place?
It could be that she doesn't want to be in any care facility and thinks she should be living with you. So by being increasingly stubborn with you about the care facility it will result in you taking her to live with in your home.
Elderly people also get afraid when they have to go to rehab or when they hear talk of long-term care because it usually means they're in the "nursing home" for good. It's usually true most of the time.
You could start calling different facilities, and yes there are waiting lists for places. Your mother has to be told this truth. If she gives up her place where she is now it could result in her being placed in a lesser quality facility when her rehab is finished. The rehab facility is not going to let her stay there until a perfect place for her is found. They will either move her to whatever LTC has a bed available, or they will send her to the hospital and they will find a bed for her somewhere.
If the place she's at now is decent and they have LTC then leave her there. You can always look into different facilities but there's no hurry if she has a permanent place to stay. Please make yourself very clear to her that she will not be living with you. That I think may be very close to the problem of why she's being stubborn about finding a different facility.
Stepdad was sent to rehab following a knee revision. I didn't like the place, he was not picky about it. Problems with care did come up after a few days, serious problems. I made calls to find a place with availability and he was moved. That was a much better situation. So, yes it you want to move her, you do the research and arrange for the move. I will not happen overnight. It takes research and planning.
Make a few calls today so you find out about availability. It will be impossible to find out much or tour over the weekend.
Ask how long she will be in rehab?
Will she need SN or AL or MC?
Years ago, after surgery mom was in for three months. The last time 10 days for dehydration. Her doctor said she could not live alone. She would not need nursing care after rehab.
Will she need Medicaid at some point?
I am the POA and we had all the necessary papers in place from years ago. I got options from friends and talked to an elder care attorney who did Medicaid applications. He gave us his top three choices. We chose one that had assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing care, and a rehab unit and some Medicaid beds in case it was needed. It is 8 miles away. She fell and broke her hip and had to go to rehab, got better and was back in her room in 6 weeks with PT a couple of times a week. Mom wants to go home, we tell her as soon as the doctor says it is ok probably just a couple of days. It has been two years but to her she just got there yesterday. She says the place in clean and nurses are nice.
She is doing better than she has in years because she gets her meds, meals and social interaction. Good Luck.
I've sent it to myself in an email so I can have these words on hand to restore compassion when I feel frustrated and out of patience.
Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.
If the reason is valid, she has friends there, closer to friends she has, closer to stores she shops....or whatever. Then it might be a good idea to give some consideration to her wants.
After all if SHE wants to go to the other place and then she is not happy you can try to get her back to the place you think is better but remind her that the move was her decision and it might take time to arrange the transfer. If she stays where you want her to be and she is unhappy she will let you know each and every time you see or talk to her. Even if she does settle in and is happy (when you are not there or on the phone)
At this point I would let her finish the rehab where she is. As it gets closer to when she will be discharged you can look more deeply into the move. It may be that after a while and she gets to know the place where she is and gets to know people she ill be just fine where she is. Tell her that it sill depend on if the other place has beds available and if she has not toured the other place you can ask about taking her out for the day from rehab and doing a tour so she can compare the two.
If she still wants to move the facilities can arrange the transfer easily.
Yes, most places have limited availability. You can check with the facility your mom likes to see about her chances.
This is a major issue within Central Minnesota.
If this is an issue in your area, give mom some time to adjust, meet people, socialize, feel better, the more she is there the more hopefully she will adapt. We are taking care of mom in shifts because there are no open places. The cost is outrageous. If she has Medicare & the facility is licensed through Medicare/Medicaid. not just private insurance/Long term care. Please make sure there are other options, talk to SW, Doctors, Insurance. We have done a lot of leg work. They will take your moms money and leave her with very little a month. But she will be safe & with 24 hour staff. If its a clean, reputable facility, good staff, no abuse or neglect. try to keep her there at least for a little while. My mom is still in denial and does not want anyone to take care of her, but we or her has no choice. She is 98, sound mound, very sharp. Is having small strokes & has Menieres with the Vertigo. every 2 weeks. It is a safety issue. This is very hard for all of us & mom. the hardest thing I've had to do. But stay strong lean on each other, seek support, ask questions. and be honest with mom. Hugs to you. Hang in there
She is right now in shock adjusting to her loss of independence, so try to go slow and easy and tell her you two together will look into placement possiblities. You will need to tell facility scouts and managers a ballpark figure of Mom's assets and her abilities to afford care.
Are you yet a POA? If not there is a lot to discuss in terms of getting wills and POA together for Mom.
Now if Mom is COMPETENT, and refuses care, there is little you can do about that until nature takes its course; if she is "determined" then you are correct, you can do very little OTHER THAN TO tell her loud and clear in a gentle manner that you will not enable her in staying in a dangerous situation, so she had better be ready to hire for herself what folks she needs to help her.
Speak honestly with social worker and discharge planners about Mom's personality. YOU are the one who knows best what to expect from her and we will wish you good luck.
On the upside of such helpers as "A Place for Mom" is that they may help you choose best placement. On the downside, they will pester the heck out of you until you tell them "Mom's broke" at which point they will have zero interest. Sorry, but the sad facts can be the sad facts.
So continue to support and guide Mom best you can, and hope you'll update us.