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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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It is very common for people with dementia to accuse others of stealing from them. There is really nothing you can do about it. You can explain this to the cook. Is he very upset about it? Hopefully you won't lose him due to this.
It does sound like (from your profile) that your parents conditions are getting rather advanced and probably difficult to manage at home. I would look into an assisted living facility for them. They are just going to need more and more help.
Ditto to what againx100 commented. Also, if the cook is willing to continue to provide services, then you will need to get the cook and your dad on board with a strategy when your mom starts accusing.
I think I would have the cook call your dad over and tell him to please distract/redirect his wife to a different room to "search" for the item and then in the process move her ming on to another train of thought or an activity, like folding kitchen towels/laundry or sorting something. If there is no buffer between your mom and the cook, then I feel sorry for the cook and this will make his job more difficult. You'll have to decide how it goes with your dad running interference.
If she's fixated on the cook in this way, the cook will probably quit. Most people would.
If she is acting this way toward one person, perhaps they can be replaced. But if this is a pattern among aides, sit Dad down and tell him that living at home with 1 to 1 aide help isn't going to work if she keeps running people off.
Thank you! Great advice. She still has moments of lucidity. So I could sit her and dad down and say this is it we’ve got to do something else. Thank you so much again.
Most people really don't understand dementia or the mechanisms of how it works and progresses. Or how the mind gets paranoid and starts making absurd accusations against loved ones or how they can even get violent when they've always been pussy cats. While most people want to 'age in place' at home and hire help, the reality of such a thing often becomes impossible once the dementia reaches new heights of destruction and chaos. Your poor father is 96 years old and in no position to really deal with a wife who's suffering this level of dementia because who knows what's coming next? Today he's 'stealing from her'; tomorrow he may be 'cheating on her' which means she 'should stab him with the kitchen knife', God forbid. A broken brain means anything is possible. She may decide she lives down the street, leave the house at 2 am, fall down in the street or worse yet, wander away and be found in a ditch somewhere. Not to scare you, but THESE are sometimes the realities of dementia.
And why Memory Care ALs are popping up like flowers on every other street corner in America. Because teams of caregivers are needed to care for these residents 24/7; not a 'man who cooks' and a 96 year old spouse who's in need of help with daily life himself.
Don't wait for a catastrophe to strike. Look into managed care for both of your folks now, before something awful happens to one or both of them. The cook quitting is the least of your problems. You're not going to be able to convince mom that dad and the cook are NOT stealing from her, or doing whatever other nasty thing she thinks they're doing, which is subject to change, so don't bother trying. Speak to her doctor about anti-agitation medication to see if that's a possibility. It often doesn't work, but sometimes it does. Your best bet is seeing if you can get them placed into managed care so they can still live together (maybe) until mom gets advanced enough where they can't. Then she moves into Memory Care and dad stays in AL and goes to visit her daily. The ideal facility is Assisted Living with Memory Care attached.
After my 90 y/o father fell and broke his hip, I had to move both of my folks out of Independent Senior living and into Assisted Living under crisis conditions. So I had to set up a whole new apt for dad while mom already had one! It was tough but it got done and they were able to live together in AL until dad died. Now mom lives in Memory Care at 95 years old.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It does sound like (from your profile) that your parents conditions are getting rather advanced and probably difficult to manage at home. I would look into an assisted living facility for them. They are just going to need more and more help.
I think I would have the cook call your dad over and tell him to please distract/redirect his wife to a different room to "search" for the item and then in the process move her ming on to another train of thought or an activity, like folding kitchen towels/laundry or sorting something. If there is no buffer between your mom and the cook, then I feel sorry for the cook and this will make his job more difficult. You'll have to decide how it goes with your dad running interference.
If she is acting this way toward one person, perhaps they can be replaced. But if this is a pattern among aides, sit Dad down and tell him that living at home with 1 to 1 aide help isn't going to work if she keeps running people off.
And why Memory Care ALs are popping up like flowers on every other street corner in America. Because teams of caregivers are needed to care for these residents 24/7; not a 'man who cooks' and a 96 year old spouse who's in need of help with daily life himself.
Don't wait for a catastrophe to strike. Look into managed care for both of your folks now, before something awful happens to one or both of them. The cook quitting is the least of your problems. You're not going to be able to convince mom that dad and the cook are NOT stealing from her, or doing whatever other nasty thing she thinks they're doing, which is subject to change, so don't bother trying. Speak to her doctor about anti-agitation medication to see if that's a possibility. It often doesn't work, but sometimes it does. Your best bet is seeing if you can get them placed into managed care so they can still live together (maybe) until mom gets advanced enough where they can't. Then she moves into Memory Care and dad stays in AL and goes to visit her daily. The ideal facility is Assisted Living with Memory Care attached.
After my 90 y/o father fell and broke his hip, I had to move both of my folks out of Independent Senior living and into Assisted Living under crisis conditions. So I had to set up a whole new apt for dad while mom already had one! It was tough but it got done and they were able to live together in AL until dad died. Now mom lives in Memory Care at 95 years old.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.