She says if I put her somewhere she will just walk out. I understand you need a special poa to put her somewhere she does not want to be. She has to be declared incompetent or she has the right to leave. I have POA financial, durable health care and living will. What more do I need???
A memory care will do some testing to evaluate whether she's a candidate for their facility. If she goes in, trust me, she won't walk out, because MCs are locked for precisely that reason.
From what you wrote in your question, it doesn't really sound like she has much of a memory issue, unless there is more information or examples you have not shared. This only matters because I'm wondering what makes you think she'll "need a memory care facility sometime this year"? The facility gets to make that assessment in reality. Maybe AL is more appropriate for her?
If she is as progressed as you say, then I would stop bringing moving up to her, stop arguing about it. It's obviously stressing her out and she can no longer really use her logic and reason to process her situation -- and yours. So, as her DPoA your responsibility is to protect her and give her as good a quality of life as is possible, making decisions in her best interests -- so keeping her in a calm state is part of her quality of life now and into her future.
Others on this forum have successfully transitioned resistant LOs by using "therapeutic fibs" to move them along the process. So, when the time comes and you're prepared to move her out (and she is no longer competent) you can tell her that she's temporarily going to stay at a "hotel" (or apartment) because there's a bug infestation (or gas leak or the furnace died -- whatever) and you move her out. This is ethical and moral (although not emotionally easy).
You do all the prep in private: the research, the planning, getting the facility onboard with your plan on the day she's to arrive, etc). There's no point in continuing to talk to her as if she's her self from 30 years ago. That person is no longer able. It would also help you to stay as informed about dementia and its progressive stages. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, especially about how to interact with LOs with dementia to get their cooperation and keep the peace on a daily basis. Wishing you much clarity and wisdom on this journey!