My mom would not socialize in the NH for skilled nursing rehab. How could I have convinced her to do so?
Granted, some of the residents were in LaLa land. One old lady kept telling me that she needed help to get to the parking lot to get to her car to drive home. Mind you, she was in a wheelchair.
Then she said that she took the bus to get there. Then she was convinced it was a train that she took. Then it was her son that dropped her off and left her.
I asked for her son’s name. Out of curiosity I looked it up online and found it and mentioned to her that her son was my age. She replied to me that was impossible for him to be that age since she herself was only 32 years old. It was so very sad!
Honestly there were very few residents that had the capability of having a normal conversation. Every single day a resident would say to me, “Help me!” I want to go home, or I am hurting!” I am very sensitive to the elderly hurting like that. It breaks my heart.
I hated going there to see mom. I always left extremely depressed and told my husband when I got home to take me out back and shoot me if I ever reach that point as an old person.
I never let mom know that it upset me because I didn’t want her to be influenced by me. My mom is sharp though and I am sure it depressed her too.
When I asked if she wanted to eat in the dining room to speak with other people she said that she couldn’t hear even with her hearing aid. One ear is completely deaf and a hearing aid can’t help that ear.
The sights in dining room were awful. Residents totally asleep with food and drinks knocked over, spills on floor, etc. I almost fell down walking past the spilled drinks.
So, I thought maybe the television room in the evening. Family Feud was on. Residents were driving each other crazy and would ask me to push their wheelchair away from someone too close and too touchy, feely, and talking complete nonsense.
As I said it was very difficult to find others for mom to socialize with.
My concern is for the new residents like my mom doing rehab. I visited after her physical therapy rehab.
All activities such as bingo, gardening, chapel, etc. are scheduled while they are in rehab so only LTC residents can participate in these activities.
They placed her in a wheelchair the entire three weeks even though mom uses a walker. I suppose they felt she could have fallen while in rehab. I have no idea. She used the walker daily in physical therapy.
She stayed alone in her room until I went to visit.
Yet, the day I picked up mom to go home two women were practically racing down the hall in their wheelchairs to tell mom goodbye and wish her well. They did physical therapy with mom. They were sharp like mom. They were so sweet.
It has to be lonely for them. What do you think of this set up for the rehab patients?
3 Answers
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I was sensitive to all this when I first started visiting her as well. But after a year, I guess I became immune to it. My mother was antisocial and I never forced her to come out of her room when she didn’t want to, which was 90% of the time. There was the lady who carried a doll around and we always told her how beautiful her “baby” was. Another lady would yell Scripture out her door, ask if you went to church and tell you she’d pray for you. I thanked her. Another lady sobbed into the phone in the hallway, begging someone to take her home. When I left, she was in the common room laughing and playing bingo.
I likened it to when I did animal rescue and would visit the shelter. Not that I’m comparing Seniors to animals in cages, but I wanted to save them all. At some point, I realized I couldn’t. Unfortunately it was just a part of life.
I still can’t get rid of the images of that place. I’m sure it is common. I couldn’t help but wonder though, if it bothered me so much as a visiting family member, how much does it bother the residents? Know what I mean? Care to comment? I welcome your thoughts. Thanks.
Thanks, I find your answer comforting. You have reminded me of the memories that I hold in my heart. I keep remembering the mom that she used to be, the one before Parkinson’s disease that was so involved in life, all of our lives. She was involved in my dad’s life, our lives, relatives, neighbors and friends. She doesn’t seem to mind being a homebody. I should take comfort in that. It’s interesting how some people do become less social as they age. Others talk constantly due to loneliness.
My brother is in an Assisted Living situation; had two small rooms of his own, and then most meet to meals in the dining room, can sit in TV room if they wish, sit in front or in back of the cottage and visit when they like. I would say he is the most "with it" of all residents. Early Lewy's with good short and long term recall, and a brain tumor that is benign but sitting on the medulla and affecting balance. He has one other gentleman, fairly well with the exception of frequent seizures and unable to live along. The two of them visit the most. Others are in various stages of dementia; honestly there is little quality socialization that goes on. Some are able to participate in simple games, enjoy just sitting out, petting one resident's dog, and so on. I would say he was never overly social and spend a lot of time between meals relaxing and reading in own room. He and I joke as occ. someone will get into a bicker and all heck breaks out; but we say it is a bit like the communes of the 60s we remember; no one can get along for more than 15 minutes at a time, and community meetings are the weekly norm. I would say it varies place to place. I honestly wouldn't have a whole lot of expectations. Just kind of go with the flow.