Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I acknowledge and authorize
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
More information would be helpful to get answers .
Does Mom live alone ? Do you live at Mom’s house ? Does Mom live at your house ?
What exactly does she need help with , bathing , dressing ? Is she incontinent ? Who makes her meals, cleans , does laundry , shopping , doctor appts ?
Is this brand new behavior , or it's not new but getting worse?
What medical problems does she have ?
Have you taken her to her primary doctor recently to be checked out ? Have you spoken to the doctor about her behavior ?
What would you like help with? We are a forum of caregivers to elderly loved ones ourselves! Place mother in Skilled Nursing with Medicaid paying the bill, that's my suggestion. With no information from you, it's the best advice you can be given.
Has mom been this way a long time or is this new behavior? That’s an important distinction. Where does she live, and with who? Many here would like to be of help, but need more information to do so
I am a very patient, tolerant, empathetic person who deals professionally with troubled executives. My friend of 20+ years is now in her early 80's. In 2012, she was diagnosed in the early stages of dementia. She began a campaign of denial, doctors, and diagnoses with the same but more agreeable labels. That made it challenging to have an honest, caring conversation with her when in 2022, solid problems that aligned with Level 4+ dementia appeared with memory, speaking, swallowing, driving, and lack of common sense decision-making. Although covertly evident in years prior, possibly due to a personality disorder, beginning in 2023 my friend overtly began behaving toward me and service personnel in much the same way you describe your mother. She no longer accommodated the Big Picture that others resided in, or interacted with flexibility, informality, or propriety. She produced a cascade of new rules with ultimatums, progressive lies, passive-aggressive moves, and other manipulative attempts to control or punish me for my work/life schedule. When I would not comply, I would be treated as "disobedient," often subjected to public drama, gaslighting, and occasionally to being screamed at, and/or emails focused on character assassination and accusations about things that were a complete mystery to me.
I offer you this profile only to say that this is not a person I spent a lot of time with -- the 6 months out of the year that she was in town, we would meet for dinner or entertainment once weekly, a support program I began after her third divorce. By the end of 2023, she had progressed to such a level of disrespect that I addressed her patterns and asked what was going on. She claimed what I described was inconsistent with her personal values and asked for evidence, so I provided copies of her emails. Soon after, at what became our final dinner, she blew up when traffic caused me to arrive 5 minutes late, said she took it personally, had begun questioning our friendship, and began outlining expectations for my future performance. When I quietly suggested we continue the conversation in private, she escalated until she cleared our room in the restaurant. Enough was enough. I calmly told her we would no longer be getting together for dinners because I was fully committed for a specific period of time. I did not respond to the ensuing abusive emails or her other efforts of engagement that disregarded the boundaries I had stated.
I have certain skills and stamina that enabled me to go this far with a friend who I know is ill. My question to you is: At what point does your mother's behavior affect your mental and emotional equilibrium? Whether or not she is diagnosed, define boundaries for yourself that protect your well-being, and a bottom line Plan B you will act on when enough becomes enough. Therapists and physicians would be able to help you with those decisions.
We really need more info, but I wanted to say something moms physical therapist said to me the other day.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
We were trying to figure out a way for her to be able to make her coffee, because she can no longer put her arm up high, without server back pain. We both had great solutions, but none of them were good to her.
But you CAN take care of yourself. That is not only within your capabilities but it is crucial to having a good life, and is your responsibility.
Time to stop complaining about an abusive belittling person, and to move on with your own life. Provide you abusive mother with emergency numbers to call if she needs help. Consider moving, if not across the country, at least a few states away if you cannot manage to mentally and physically separate from this abusive person.
Get on with your own life in your own home with you own job and your own friends. You have two chances at family. The one you are born into and the one you make yourself. If the first doesn't work out it's time to get on with the second chance.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does Mom live alone ? Do you live at Mom’s house ? Does Mom live at your house ?
What exactly does she need help with , bathing , dressing ? Is she incontinent ?
Who makes her meals, cleans , does laundry , shopping , doctor appts ?
Is this brand new behavior , or it's not new but getting worse?
What medical problems does she have ?
Have you taken her to her primary doctor recently to be checked out ? Have you spoken to the doctor about her behavior ?
I offer you this profile only to say that this is not a person I spent a lot of time with -- the 6 months out of the year that she was in town, we would meet for dinner or entertainment once weekly, a support program I began after her third divorce. By the end of 2023, she had progressed to such a level of disrespect that I addressed her patterns and asked what was going on. She claimed what I described was inconsistent with her personal values and asked for evidence, so I provided copies of her emails. Soon after, at what became our final dinner, she blew up when traffic caused me to arrive 5 minutes late, said she took it personally, had begun questioning our friendship, and began outlining expectations for my future performance. When I quietly suggested we continue the conversation in private, she escalated until she cleared our room in the restaurant. Enough was enough. I calmly told her we would no longer be getting together for dinners because I was fully committed for a specific period of time. I did not respond to the ensuing abusive emails or her other efforts of engagement that disregarded the boundaries I had stated.
I have certain skills and stamina that enabled me to go this far with a friend who I know is ill. My question to you is: At what point does your mother's behavior affect your mental and emotional equilibrium? Whether or not she is diagnosed, define boundaries for yourself that protect your well-being, and a bottom line Plan B you will act on when enough becomes enough. Therapists and physicians would be able to help you with those decisions.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
We were trying to figure out a way for her to be able to make her coffee, because she can no longer put her arm up high, without server back pain. We both had great solutions, but none of them were good to her.
So you can't make them drink!
But you CAN take care of yourself. That is not only within your capabilities but it is crucial to having a good life, and is your responsibility.
Time to stop complaining about an abusive belittling person, and to move on with your own life.
Provide you abusive mother with emergency numbers to call if she needs help.
Consider moving, if not across the country, at least a few states away if you cannot manage to mentally and physically separate from this abusive person.
Get on with your own life in your own home with you own job and your own friends.
You have two chances at family. The one you are born into and the one you make yourself. If the first doesn't work out it's time to get on with the second chance.