I am her only daughter and live 20 miles away. My brothers live about three hours’ drive away and hardly see her. I think they are relying on me to look after her if she falls ill. I also dread having to clear her huge four storey house as it is full of her parents’ belongings. She is often angry and bitter, taking her resentment out on me rather than my brothers because she saves her ‘best side’ for them if they phone. I work part time in a stressful job and have three children. Because of my mum’s stubborn refusal to acknowledge her situation, she has made apparently no plans for the future years when she will be less capable. I dread the future, where it seems I will be expected to sort everything out for her and look after her.
Have you told her that you will not be doing that?
Let's say she has a crisis. She falls, breaks her hip and goes to the hospital, then to rehab. If she can't return home, she will need to go into long term care.
You need to practise saying "no, I cant possibly do that". The house can be sold "as is".
Mind you, this is not what I did, but my mother planned in advance and made things relatively simple for us. That being said, it still took two years to empty the house.
But if your mother won't plan, I dont see how it becomes YOUR emergency.