My mom has been in AL since March 1st. She has been horrible, mean and so much more. Life is even worse then before. Too much to describe right now. I finally got her placed with an ALW which was a miracle! Already, I feel like she is going to be kicked out for her nasty behavior (demanding , not wanting to follow any rules).
Since, COVID has been lifted, she refuses to go down for meals. She does not have the money for $5 a tray for every meal. She says she doesn’t care. I talked to the administrator and he tried talking to her. But she doesn’t care. I told them, I don’t have the money and won’t be paying for even one tray. They said they can’t not feed her but they also weren’t able to persuade her. So now what? I am a loss. Just when I think things can’t get worse, they do!
Nasty behavior, not wanting to follow any rules are your answers, not hers - what reasons does *she* give?
And meanwhile, what's been happening? You don't say how long ago they lifted the restrictions but in any case she can't not have eaten, presumably. Does she have basics in her room/suite like a microwave and a fridge?
Since March they ate in their rooms, two weeks ago they opened the dining room up and she has refused to go . Unbeknownst to me they have been giving her trays assuming she or I would pay for them.
Hugs!
If not, my mother had a fridge and a microwave in her apartment in Assisted Living and was able to fix her own simple meals if she didn't want to go to the dining room for meals. If your mother wants to eat and doesn't want to go down for meals, perhaps she can fix her own? If not, when she gets hungry enough, I suppose she WILL eat. Sounds like she's trying to punish you for placing her, huh? Let her know that you won't be paying $5 per meal for her temper tantrums, one way or another, so it's up to her if/when she chooses to eat.
It's one thing after another, isn't it? I'm sorry you're going through this. Sending you a prayer for a good resolution to this dilemma.
She has always had high anxiety and now it is way worse.
lealonnie, you are spot on, She is punishing me for placing her and she never lets me forget it!
I did get her a refrigerator and thought about a microwave, but knowing her , that will bring on another whole set of problems . Dirty dishes, no sink, spilling everywhere, having to run to the store and get her meals......etc.... But, that probably will end up being the solution! Like I said, she has no money and the facility can’t not feed her. I had told them she doesn’t eat if she doesn’t go to dining room but it sounds like they can’t actually do that. Thanks for your always great responses and prayers!
She's playing some kind of game--who knows why? The pandemic was really, really hard on seniors who were so locked in for so long.
My mom went back to BINGO today, I had to talk hard and be so firm with her that the lockdown is basically over and the ONE joyful thing in her life was back. She said "no" for 2 months to going back, and then suddenly changed her mind. I took her today ( a huge 3 blocks from her house) and picked her up and it was like magic! She was like a kid going to kindergarten, she was so anxious.
Maybe your mom is anxious and scared for some reason. Fear will rear it's ugly head as anxiety, bossiness, refusal to 'obey' the rules--a lot of unpleasant personality traits can really be called "fear" or maybe 'anger'.
Be sure and let her know she's NOT moving in with family if she's being a pill.
I told the facility that if she doesn’t go to the dining room she doesn’t eat and they told me they can't not feed her.
Yes, she has fear and high Anxiety.
Im hoping someday she will have a moment like your mom did. Thanks!
She wasn't in the correct type of care (she was in a skilled nursing facility) and needed memory care. I moved her after seven months once I figured out her memory issues were more important to focus on than her health issues.
Problem solved.
Our schools couldn’t refuse to feed kids, either. So, there were always Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches.
Perhaps, you could get her sandwich fixings like that? Or, deli meat and packages of cut up vegetables? Maybe some Ensure?
Also, paper plates? Maybe she will get bored of these choices and decide to go?
She would be “fed”, and you wouldn’t have to do her bidding.
Best wishes.
Thanks!
What would they do if Mom had no one. How would they charge $15 for a Medicaid recipient?
Mom just has one room no kitchen, no cabinets , no counters. I can only imagine the mess she would make, but I think that is going to be my only option.
Thanks!
I really think other than that you are just where I told you to tell Mom you are. She will run out of funds; she will be somewhere less nice.
I am sorry you are going through all this.
Are you mom's guardian?
This sounds hard, cruel and cold, I know. But if your mom has not been declared incompetent, then this is between her and the facility.
Because I put her there against her wishes. Because if she gets kicked out there will be nowhere for her to go. Living with me will never be an option.
I am POA, But if she gets kicked out I will be resigning from that and there is no one else in this world she has.
Another option I haven't seen mentioned, although I don't know if it's feasible at AL, is Meals on Wheels. It's worth checking out; in our area it costs $3/meal, and the service provides additional meals for holidays.