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That Is a Lot Of Loss . Do You have children or a close friend you can speak with ? I suggest a grief counselor even if its for a 3 and a Half Hour visit - Just so you Can release some of the pain . Personally I would go On a trip or a retreat . Upaya Zen Center has retreats and Courses . You dont Have to be Buddhist But I find their community is healing and Joan Halifax has dealt with many caregivers . You Can Join some Zoom Courses . Santa Fe, NM Is a Nice Community Of People . I think after all this caregiving you need to let go and release the sorrow and then take care of yourself , recharge your batteries and heal your heart . There are support groups too. I havnt gone to any of the Sisters on the Fly But that's a group of woman who camp out together . What You need is support and Nourishment for your soul . I Lost My Mom who I was caring for to Dementia and then 9 Months Later My brother who I was caring for with stage 4 cancer and schizophrenia . I was depleted and got seriously Ill for 2 Months . My dad returned form a trip and I Noticed he didnt stay in the room in Florida Nor could he use their TV Remote So He got sick with Dementia . Then a tenant Killed himself . My Dad got worse and I was exhausted . I Found a Great Community acupuncture clinic for support . I would suggest a healing trip to some where Like Portland , Maine . There is a youth Hostel But some private spaces Black Elephant and it is easy to meet people and go to dinner . Walk the city , Listen to live Music . A Good shop I Like Arcana has Massages , Reiki . You have to do some healing for yourself . Another Place I Like is Deer Isle In Maine and there is a Craft school Haystack and another youth Hostel with some private spaces on a Organic Farm . Very Nice People and a beautiful Village called Stonington . Plan a small trip for yourself . You will find Meeting new people and getting away for a Bit will change your perspective . Life waits for No One . So take care of yourself .
When we find a way to integrate loss that fills our heart, it will transcend surviving. What has helped me the most is to think of each person's life as a tapestry. The weaving of their stories is now complete, but yours is not yet finished. Stand back a little to see the whole, and when each of you became a part of the other's tapestry. Grief is over the loss of a future we had counted on. But as we can see, we have no idea at all what will be woven into the unfinished area of our own tapestry. As we turn our gaze back to those of your mother, husband, and niece, we see intricate weaving that recorded every unexpected moment in their lives, and there you are, as well.
Gosh Alee, that's a heavy burden to bear. I don't have the answer. Some churches offer a program called "Grief Share" where others who are also grieving support each other and to hear ways to cope. Sharing your grief with others can be very cathartic and help you realize you are not alone. Having lost my spouse to AD, I attended that program, and sought a grief counselor. I found "Getting to the Other Side of Grief, Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse" a book by Susan J. Sonnebelt-Smeenge to be helpful. Talk to those you trust, Google "Greif Counselers" in your area, if you a have a church, talk to your pastor. I do know you will get through this.
Did you have a chance to read the comments that were left for you on that post?
I also have a recommendation, to read the book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler.
https://a.co/d/41kx2SO
In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom gained through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage: meaning.
Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth stage of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.
“Beautiful, tender, and wise” (Katy Butler, author of The Art of Dying Well), Finding Meaning is “an excellent addition to grief literature that helps pave the way for steps toward healing” (School Library Journal).
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Allow yourself grace and gentle treatment of youself as you heal.
Alee , I'm so sorry, we have had others that have posted with many losses, feeling as you do.
I also have a gf, that 6 months ago, lost her husband and father. Has a very ill brother and a very aging mom and her dog is very likely dieing.
I guess what I'm saying is your not alone.
Have you considered a grief support group, and therapy? I think that would be the best place for you to start
All I can say is, my friend is having good days. Still has horrible days. So I told her hold on to the good days, or moments. Even when you have good moments, remember those on your bad moments.
I wish I had something better to tell you. I hate when this happens to anyone.
When my dad died at the beginning of covid. I was petrified if loose mom to covid.
You survive it by taking one day at a time. And you survive it by now making yourself a priority and start taking care of yourself. And you survive it by reaching out to either your local Grief Share or grief therapist, to help you move forward in a positive manner. And you survive it by relying on your faith and your God, as He will never leave you nor forsake you. He's got this and you. God bless you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You posted this question on June 29th......
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-i-survive-all-the-deaths-488318.htm?orderby=recent
Did you have a chance to read the comments that were left for you on that post?
I also have a recommendation, to read the book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler.
https://a.co/d/41kx2SO
In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom gained through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage: meaning.
Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth stage of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.
“Beautiful, tender, and wise” (Katy Butler, author of The Art of Dying Well), Finding Meaning is “an excellent addition to grief literature that helps pave the way for steps toward healing” (School Library Journal).
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Allow yourself grace and gentle treatment of youself as you heal.
I also have a gf, that 6 months ago, lost her husband and father. Has a very ill brother and a very aging mom and her dog is very likely dieing.
I guess what I'm saying is your not alone.
Have you considered a grief support group, and therapy? I think that would be the best place for you to start
All I can say is, my friend is having good days. Still has horrible days. So I told her hold on to the good days, or moments. Even when you have good moments, remember those on your bad moments.
I wish I had something better to tell you. I hate when this happens to anyone.
When my dad died at the beginning of covid. I was petrified if loose mom to covid.
I'm so sorry 😞 🙏
And you survive it by now making yourself a priority and start taking care of yourself.
And you survive it by reaching out to either your local Grief Share or grief therapist, to help you move forward in a positive manner.
And you survive it by relying on your faith and your God, as He will never leave you nor forsake you. He's got this and you.
God bless you.