The home was getting to be too much for her (and us). But she is constantly complaining about the apt complex she has lived in for a year. She has a beautiful apt, but is unhappy. Financially, it is too late for her to own a home again and I don’t think that is the answer. But what can I do to make it better for her? She made the decision to move, but I certainly didn’t dissuade her. So I feel somewhat guilty and want to help make it right. Any suggestions? (She is 88 and lives independently. Plus she still drives!)
Change the subject... every time she starts in. Talk about the weather, sports, books, or the baby shark video on YouTube.
Shorten visits and lessen phone calls. She may or may not get it, but you will get some relief and be able to extricate yourself from the mesh of her unhappiness.
You can’t make it better, and you will be jumping through many hoops for a very long time if your mindset is that you can fix her life. I say this from experience, and I am sure others will chime in as well.
You can be a a good person and love your parent (and even feel sad for their problems) without having to jump every time they express displeasure. You say she is in a beautiful apartment and drives even... does this sound like a situation that needs to be fixed?
Let it go.
We are each responsible only for our own happiness... we cannot make anyone else happy. If she chooses not to be happy, let her have that. Do not pick up that burden. It isn’t yours.
If you try to look at it from that perspective (which is hard... fixers are conditioned to fix, empaths are conditioned to “make someone happy”:), you may find some relief.
Elder care often requires a paradigm shift... looking at things through different lenses than we would otherwise. Good luck to you.
I also noticed in your profile that your Mom has Alzheimer's/dementia, it it isn't uncommon for a parent to say that they want to go home. But please note that "home" usually means their childhood home, so keep that in mind.
Your Mom made the right choice, as an elder parent living at home by themselves is so nerve wracking for the grown child(ren). Every time the phone rang, my heart went into over drive. I was so relieved when my Dad sold his house and moved to senior living, as he also had made a wise choice like your Mom did :)