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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Looking at your profile, Mum lives with your brother and he is the primary caregiver? Where were you, in your own home? Where was your brother?
I used to ask my kids:
Is there blood? Is there a burn? Has someone lest consciousness? Is there a fever? Is there a belly ache?
As Mum is older and has dementia, you could ask her doctor for a guideline of when it is time to go to the hospital.
But even then it is not always clear cut.
It is not a matter of if something happens but when. And no it will not be on you.
Does Mum have a Living Will or its equivalent in your state? What did she want back when she had full use of her faculties? I know my Mum at almost 87 would not take treatment for cancer, so we would not test for cancers.
1. Rule out obvious emergencies. Any problems that are clearly visible to the layman, such as difficulty breathing, high temperature, stroke symptoms, then you take her straight to the ER; but more to the point does she seem physically okay to you, her normal self? If she seems well, that at least gives you enough time to think before you respond.
2. Is this anxiety part of your mother's dementia? When you say up all night, is she repeatedly coming into your room in a state of panic, feeling that "there's something wrong," needing to rush to the hospital but for no specific reason she is able to tell you about? If so, take her to her ordinary PCP or geriatric specialist or whoever leads her general medical care, describe the experience she (and you!) are going through night after night, and ask if there is anything that can be done to relieve this terrible, exhausting symptom. This would also be an opportunity for a medical exam just to make sure there isn't anything else upsetting her system.
Meanwhile, do what you can to reassure her, but I sympathise because no matter how patient and gentle you are with her I expect you get the exact same thing less than an hour later, do you? If so, it is okay to settle her back in her room without engaging in what she says. Is what happened overnight new, or has it been going on a while?
Thank you. I do believe the anxiety is do to the dementia. I'm sleeping in the same room as her.she has a hospital bed I sleep in a single.Do to her being scared to be left alone. Haven't been home in 8 months. My other siblings think this is ok.Do to me being on Ssi & my boyfriend of 25years passed away 2 yrs ago.So I have no life. I'm so sorry for complaining I probably could handle the diabetes, osteoporosis & aging. But the dementia is horrible...
Oh yeah, everything is ALWAYS 'on us', isn't it? If you think your mother needs to go to the hospital, call 911. The EMTs will determine if she needs to be transported to the hospital or not. Leave it up to them, then it won't be 'on you' anymore.
If she's putting on a big act, calling 911 should put a stop to it. If she's not putting on an act and something truly IS wrong, the EMTs will let you know.
It's a win-win in my book, based on a bad situation to begin with. :(
BEST thing is to call 911 and let them determine the necessary steps to take. Most likely they will take her as a precautionary measure, but, this way it is no longer on you and the guilt trip stops. It isn't worth that much stress on you to fight her. You need to pick the battles and this one is not one you should fight. If it is a dementia issue or if there is something medically wrong it will be taken care of.
Thank you everyone. For answering my question. My mother forgets in the morning that she asked to be taken to the hospital. She knows something is wrong with her. Maybe it's time to tell her she has dementia. We tell her it's do to her diabetes. Her sugar runs very high then drops low. She was always terrified of getting dementia do to the diabetes. I moved in with her & brother to help with bathroom, shower things he can't do. I'm still paying rent at my place. Fooling myself thinking I will be going home soon. Thank you all for listening. It helps tremendously...
Need more details. What specific complaint does she have? Does she have dementia? Is this unusual? What other unusual behaviors does she have? Is she fine during the day? Is she eating well? Is her body functioning normally?
I would say that the main thing we need to know here is whether your Mom is competent mentally and able to assess herself. She is saying "it is on you" if you don't take her to the hospital. Well, if she is competent at all then it is "on her" to describe her symptoms.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I used to ask my kids:
Is there blood?
Is there a burn?
Has someone lest consciousness?
Is there a fever?
Is there a belly ache?
As Mum is older and has dementia, you could ask her doctor for a guideline of when it is time to go to the hospital.
But even then it is not always clear cut.
It is not a matter of if something happens but when. And no it will not be on you.
Does Mum have a Living Will or its equivalent in your state? What did she want back when she had full use of her faculties? I know my Mum at almost 87 would not take treatment for cancer, so we would not test for cancers.
2. Is this anxiety part of your mother's dementia? When you say up all night, is she repeatedly coming into your room in a state of panic, feeling that "there's something wrong," needing to rush to the hospital but for no specific reason she is able to tell you about? If so, take her to her ordinary PCP or geriatric specialist or whoever leads her general medical care, describe the experience she (and you!) are going through night after night, and ask if there is anything that can be done to relieve this terrible, exhausting symptom. This would also be an opportunity for a medical exam just to make sure there isn't anything else upsetting her system.
Meanwhile, do what you can to reassure her, but I sympathise because no matter how patient and gentle you are with her I expect you get the exact same thing less than an hour later, do you? If so, it is okay to settle her back in her room without engaging in what she says. Is what happened overnight new, or has it been going on a while?
If she's putting on a big act, calling 911 should put a stop to it. If she's not putting on an act and something truly IS wrong, the EMTs will let you know.
It's a win-win in my book, based on a bad situation to begin with. :(
Good luck.
I would say that the main thing we need to know here is whether your Mom is competent mentally and able to assess herself.
She is saying "it is on you" if you don't take her to the hospital. Well, if she is competent at all then it is "on her" to describe her symptoms.