What can I do to stop this behavior? I feel like I'm reinforcing it by always answering and trying to do what she wants, especially for me to be in the same room with her. I leave the room and this calling me starts. It's hard to deal with as obviously I have other things to take care of also. Suggestions?
When a baby is crying, you can't go in there every time. You want to, but you can't. Sometimes you have to let them squawk for a little while so they'll go to sleep. Or because they just need to for a bit.
The same for a person with dementia. Don't go running in there every time they call. No. In the daytime after you've cleaned and fed her, and made sure her diaper is dry, put the tv on and leave the room - for a hour. No matter how many times she calls for you do not go back in there for an hour. You can set up a monitor so you can keep an eye on her, but don't go in there. Do this for a week or so. Then start doing it twice a day for an hour each time.
At night after you've gotten her ready for bed and have made sure she's had her meds and a drink and everything, then it's time for bed. Leave the tv on low if you think that will help. You can check on her a couple of times and let that be it.
You need rest too. When it's time for you to go to bed, close your bedroom door. Put some soft music on or the tv. You can still keep an eye on her with a visual monitor. One without sound. If it has sound, turn it off. There must be a time when your caregiving 'shift' ends otherwise you will burn out quick and your own health will suffer. There is no way that you can have a person sitting in the room with her around the clock 24 hours a day. She would not get that in a nursing home or hospital. It's just not possible.
She has to get used periods of time when she is alone in the room and not having you by her every time she calls. You'll see. It will be all right. She will get used to it.
Sometimes changing our perspective on things can really help us better understand the one we're caring for. Wishing you the best.
It took me years to understand what he meant—but he was right.
Wishing all of us peace, comfort, and a broader perception.
Can you move her to a recliner during the day in a central room like the TV room?
It may give her a sense of being more part of the family instead of being isolated to her bedroom. Find an old movie or the elderly seem to like game shows.
You can get her wifi headphones for volume control for the TV.
I find music is a wonderful distraction if you play songs from her era.
Maybe give her a box of old photos to go through?
Lastly, if finances allow, hire a local person to stay with her for a couple of hours. This will give you some freedom and peace of mind and give her the companionship she is seeking. Best of luck to you.
The nursing manikin is about $1,500 though, so I found one--of all places--Walmart online and it was like $250 and I thought it would be some cheap thing (for nursing students to practice skills) but it weighed about 40 pounds and actually was well made. Worth every cent.
When mom died I became a basket case, but I put the manikin on her favorite easy chair with her clothes on and it REMINDS me how she was before she died. the manikin REMINDS me she is better off where she is because she was unresponsive to the environment and if I did not do range-of-motion exercises her arms would have contractured. Ironic the manikin was comforting for my mom but now it is comforting for me and she been dead over a year. Despite her insulin-dependent diabetes, kidney and liver diseases she lived to be 90 years and never had to get a single drop of narcotics or psychotropics and without a single mark on her skin. To the end mom felt loved and she died the most peaceful death anybody could ever hope for with absolutely no suffering.
I could tell when mom was dying when her feeding tube started drawing back residual I knew her body was shutting down and I had to call my brothers to come and pay last respects and they did and it was all very very meaningful and I thank God I decided to put that feeding tube in which she NEVER bothered, so she did not have to die of dehydration. I bought a tube top from Amazon which was comfortable for mom to conceal the tubing and prevented it from getting pulled while turning her. Feeding tubes are A LOT OF WORK and you really need to know what you are doing, but it is something you need to think about and discuss with your family.
I got on with my own life, employed and pursuing my Master's degree, and I come to terms with mum's death, but Oh God I miss her but we all die, and her ordeal of life is over with and she is forever safe and free and at eternal peace. That manikin remains a source of comfort for me--just as visual reminder how mom was before she died. It really helped me.
That's why hospital geriatric ward corridoors are filled with folk sitting opposite the nurses station. They like to see the nurses & other people going past. Some may even need their bed in the corridor overnight too.
My Mother became anxious if left in her room in rehab. Had to be in the day lounge everyday where others were.
See if radio or TV voices helps. Maybe soothing jazz or classical music. Maybe a soft toy to cuddle. If nothing works, consider talking to the doctor - maybe anti-anxiety meds may be trialled.
When I say "calling out", I mean that now my son calls out within 2 minutes of anyone leaving the room. No matter what we tell him, he gets anxious. You can imagine how hard this is for all caregivers. We'd not survive without our trusty room monitor. (Don't call it a "baby monitor"!). We use it to talk back to him and this does help. Constant calling out is as stressful as the other habit most people experience, asking the same question over and over. No solutions here, but we do find ways to deal with this problem and there is less stress over time.
if advanced dementia, folding washcloths, tearing paper, magazines with lots of color ( garden, good housekeeping, gossip mags for people) have helped distract my patients.
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