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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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We spend too much of our time together talking about current events and how divided everything is nowadays - I worry that I will think of a hundred questions to ask her after she is gone.
We have used a little product called Table Topics with great success at my house. It's a box of conversation starter cards and I highly recommend it. We use it at dinner sometimes so we don't fall into the trap of interrogating our kids about their day, just because we don't know what else to say to show we're interested in them. It's especially fun when the grandparents come visit and we always learn something new about them.
They're really fun and you just skip whatever ones don't seem relevant. And you won't give off that awful "tell me everything because you have one foot in the grave" vibe.
Talk about the happiest times in her life. Bring them back to her.
Ask everything you can about her family. Record the conversations by filming these on your phone. Ask her to tell her favorite memories of her parents and grandparents. Funny stories, happy stories, sad times. Miracles she witnessed.
Holidays? Traditions? My family, who lived in the north, actually travelled by horse-driven sleigh for the snowy months.
Research the timeline of her life and ask about important events if she can remember. Where was she when she learned about the attack on Pearl Harbor? Ask lots of follow-up questions so the memories come alive.
Not long before my dad passed away, we drove to the house where his parents had married (it had belonged to his mother’s aunt). We saw a lady walking her dog and dad asked if we could stand inside her house at the bottom of the stairway where his parents had said their vows. Dad could barely walk.
At the time, I was very irritated and embarrassed ?why are we asking this stranger if we can go in her house? Etc., etc.
The lady let us in, and we all stood in the spot. Dad told us how we were all alive because of that one special moment and that very spot.
We were all crying, even the homeowner. This is a very precious moment to me now. I’m mad at myself for being irritated. That moment was a priceless gift.
The next time I saw Dad he was in the hospital suffering from a stroke. He could communicate again, but he was never the same. What I would give for even one of those hard moments!
Enjoy your mom for where she is, for who she is. If she can’t remember, just hug her and laugh. Ask her all her favorite songs from her lifetime. Play her favorite songs from her youth and adulthood on your phone. It will soothe her.
Soak up every moment that you can. Someday there will be no new memories —so fill your mind’s archives while you still can.
Looking back I wished I had talked with my mom about family photos and who were in them, written it down. Also more stories of her childhood, favorite memories about each person, family ties that she kept up with that I was unaware of & their contact info. Clarified family recipes. Her wishes & dreams, anything that I wonder about now. Most elderly have short term memory loss but have good recall from earlier in their life.
You WILL think of a hundred questions to ask her after she dies, no matter how many you ask now. You should spend the present talking about the things your mother is interested in talking about. You might ask her some questions about her life and family history, but use her responses ad a guide. Is she interested and eager in sharing her stories? She very well may love reminiscing, but you don't want all of your conversations to be "End-of-Life Interviews."
I have an account on a website called Golden Carers. It is amazing. My great grandmother and I look at "this day in history" and do trivia/quizzes every day! Note: the history channel and other websites also have "this day in history" for free. Golden Carers is about $50/a year or so, but was worth every penny to me.
Play some music from her youth. Are you church goers? Sing some hymns. Turn off the news channels if you're watching them. During Christmas season, I watched the Lifetime channel with my Mom. We enjoyed the Christmas music when it was on. And we sometimes made fun of the "they are fighting now, but will be kissing 5 minutes before the show is scheduled to end" formula for almost every program. PBS offers Nature and Nova shows that are beautiful. I've searched for a game I can play with my husband who can't seem to even remember the rules to UNO. The best one so far is called Eye see. It is a bunch of cards with pictures that if you recognize them and then can answer, or guess at a T - F question, you can win. My husband is not severely advanced and can still remember old things. He just forgets things that happened 5 minutes ago, and who the current president is, date and day of the week, that he needs to take a bath... So if your Mother is too advanced, I realize this game won't work. I try to find activities we can "do together", realizing that I'm going to be doing most of the doing. It's really tricky. But otherwise we don't really have conversations much either. I think the person suggesting revisiting old photos has a good idea.
I asked my ailing 91 year old Mother to record her life story using the VoiceApp that is resident on her iPad. My 93 year old Dad helped her with the mechanics. She didn't need any guidance in terms of subject matter and I ended up with eleven different recordings!
One idea is to keep a notebook with you and write down your questions when you think of them. Then, take them with you on your visits.
You WILL have a hundred questions when she's gone. The most important thing to do now is cherish your time together. What will be foremost in your mind are the moments you shared with each other.
My husband's niece talks to my husband about family history. She lost her mom as a teen and is in here 30's and full of questions now. My husband and other relatives are able to answer many of those questions. Perhaps you can use similar avenues to find satisfaction to unanswered questions after your mom is gone.
My Mom is also 99 and will be 100 on Boxing Day. We love watching game shows together and a local program produced in our province of Newfoundland about the people of Newfoundland. We talk about the old days sometimes when she was young and also about her and dad and things they did together. Recently, I got her to elaborate on how she met dad. If there are any friends they may have had in their younger years which you have forgotten the names of, who may want to ask about them now. Maybe get out some old pictures and talk about where the pics were taken, what was happening the day the picture was taken and the names of the people in them. You may want to write their names on the back. Just do a few at a time so as not to overwhelm her with too many questions. Also looking down at pics too long will probably irritate the back of her neck. I know it irritates my Mom’s. Hope this helps. Take care. Brenda, Newfoundland
I think it's really nice you're visiting with your mother & that you're able to talk about current events; that she has the ability to DO that at 99 years old. When I visit my soon-to-be 95 y/o mother, all she talks about is hateful things & going to visit her dead relatives and/or where they are living or why they're not coming to see her and ignoring her?
If you're worried about the questions you should have asked her after she is gone, write a list of them NOW and ask them. Maybe even record her answers so you'll have them to listen to forever.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
They're really fun and you just skip whatever ones don't seem relevant. And you won't give off that awful "tell me everything because you have one foot in the grave" vibe.
Ask everything you can about her family. Record the conversations by filming these on your phone. Ask her to tell her favorite memories of her parents and grandparents. Funny stories, happy stories, sad times. Miracles she witnessed.
Holidays? Traditions? My family, who lived in the north, actually travelled by horse-driven sleigh for the snowy months.
Research the timeline of her life and ask about important events if she can remember. Where was she when she learned about the attack on Pearl Harbor? Ask lots of follow-up questions so the memories come alive.
Not long before my dad passed away, we drove to the house where his parents had married (it had belonged to his mother’s aunt). We saw a lady walking her dog and dad asked if we could stand inside her house at the bottom of the stairway where his parents had said their vows. Dad could barely walk.
At the time, I was very irritated and embarrassed ?why are we asking this stranger if we can go in her house? Etc., etc.
The lady let us in, and we all stood in the spot. Dad told us how we were all alive because of that one special moment and that very spot.
We were all crying, even the homeowner. This is a very precious moment to me now. I’m mad at myself for being irritated. That moment was a priceless gift.
The next time I saw Dad he was in the hospital suffering from a stroke. He could communicate again, but he was never the same. What I would give for even one of those hard moments!
Enjoy your mom for where she is, for who she is. If she can’t remember, just hug her and laugh. Ask her all her favorite songs from her lifetime. Play her favorite songs from her youth and adulthood on your phone. It will soothe her.
Soak up every moment that you can. Someday there will be no new memories —so fill your mind’s archives while you still can.
You WILL have a hundred questions when she's gone. The most important thing to do now is cherish your time together. What will be foremost in your mind are the moments you shared with each other.
My husband's niece talks to my husband about family history. She lost her mom as a teen and is in here 30's and full of questions now. My husband and other relatives are able to answer many of those questions. Perhaps you can use similar avenues to find satisfaction to unanswered questions after your mom is gone.
Hope some of this helps.
If you're worried about the questions you should have asked her after she is gone, write a list of them NOW and ask them. Maybe even record her answers so you'll have them to listen to forever.
Best of luck.
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