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My mother who has documented dementia was living in an assisted living facility and removed under false pretenses by my sister and her boyfriend in July 2019. They had a woman pose as a friend from church who took her off the premises. While she was out, sister and her boyfriend went to the facility and told them she was not coming back, They left her belongings and furniture and took off. Since then, her bank accounts that I had access to (I handled her finances and was POA) have been closed, her social security and pension payment rerouted, her financial advisor of 25 years fired and her IRA account moved.


I filed multiple reports with APS in San Jose who can't provide me with updates and the San Jose PD who said I don't have enough to go on to prove financial abuse. They did offer to escort me to see my mom which I am contemplating.


I have tried to call Mom but my sister and her boyfriend will not allow me or my family to speak to or see her stating that they do not have all of her financials which I sent months ago. (I set up a wireless phone while she was in assisted living so she could maintain her old phone number and they refused to plug it in. The only contact option is to call the boyfriend's home phone# or my sister's cell) I last spoke to Mom Dec 11th when she happened to pick up the phone (no one else was home) and she had no idea what is going on. We spoke for 40 minutes and she said she wanted to visit me soon.


My sister took Mom to a lawyer who I assume revoked my POA the day after she took her from the ALF. I met with him shortly thereafter and expressed all of my concerns regarding my sister and he has tried to help me see mom. He even offered to have her dropped off at his office and let me take her to lunch. My sister refused. Today is mom's birthday and I reached out to him again as I just wanted to hear her voice. My sister agreed to let me briefly say Happy Birthday on speaker phone and nothing else to avoid "confusing her." Multiple calls just go to voicemail.


This is beyond a civil matter between siblings as her friends from church in her hometown cannot reach her either. Birthday cards sent to a PO Box they were given were returned undeliverable.


If anyone out there has any advice, please, please respond.

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What a nightmare! I am at a loss for words. Very confusing to me. Horrible situation for your mom. I am so sorry. You need to go see in person. You also need an attorney. I wish you and your mom all the best.

Stick around. Others will help you.
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If APS has refused to become involved you have here a sister who put Mom in Assisted Living and was assisting her with finances, and another sister who wishes to care for Mom in her home and assist her with finances. Apparently the POA has been changed. Your best move is to go to lawyer with the documents saying that you are POA and that Mom is disabled by dementia and it is documents; that she is not able to appoint a new POA which you believe she has done. IF this comes to court with your seeking "guardianship" of Mom (which cannot be removed by sister) you may win. However, with two sisters in court and one mother you are asking a judge to have the wisdom of Solomon in order to decide who should be guardian. When that happens, a judge will often say that NEITHER of you has guardianship and the State will accept guardianship and placement. That will leave neither you nor your sister with any ability to make decisions and will be costly. You may wish to contact sister and discuss Mom's ongoing care and live with her now. Do you suspect her of abuse and embezzlement? Is this her history? If not it would be best you worked together, her doing the care, you offering support.
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Loyal2Mom Mar 2020
Thank you. Yes, I suspect financial abuse. I have tried for nearly two years to work together and she refused. I found a lawyer that I believe will help protect my mother.
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Thank you. It is confusing, frustrating and so very sad. My daughter called (without me asking her to) and was able to get through to my mom so I was able to hear her voice and get on speaker phone to wish her a happy birthday. She was so happy to hear from me and said she had been thinking about me. I told her that I was trying to reach her and see her and she said to visit anytime. She said "Don't forget about me." I said I think about her every day and to please not forget me.

My sister's boyfriend texted my husband shortly thereafter accusing me of being conniving and dishonest since I found a way to talk to my mom.

I have retained an attorney as I've exhausted all other options.

I do have good people surrounding and supporting me and I am so grateful. Thank you.
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