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She is currently responsible for all her finances and health decisions. She said she will not come to take care of her anymore if other sisters won't help. As her POA, is that illegal?
Its not at all illegal for your sister the POA to stop providing hands on care for your mother, it's not part of the requirement of a POA. She can use moms money to place her in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing care, in fact, so I doubt she's bluffing. She can also use moms money to hire in home help to give her a break, burn out is real. I'd have a sit down meeting with your sister to see how you can help her....sounds like she really needs it.
I don't blame her! If I were your sister, I'd put mom in AL and where she can be cared for and your sister gets the help she needs! I come from personal experience - I'm here on my own 24/7 taking care of my 96yr old Dad! Caregiver burnout is real! Your sister needs help or Mom needs to go into AL. I hope you all can put your differences aside to do what's best for your Mom!
Yes it's legal , you sister needs help, just because she is POA doesn't mean she should do everything.
Burnout is horrible, my advice to you would be for you to be more concerned with your sisters health. And help her deal with this, no matter if your sister gets mom placed somewheres.
The stress of caregiving, tears family's apart. Trust I know. When we should be working together, for whats best for mom, we end up , with horrible disfuction and anger .
There is nothing in a Financial POA or Medical POA that says you have to physically care for the principle or be at their beck. A POA does give her the right to take Moms money and place her in an AL or Longterm care. So it comes town to if you allcdon't want Mom placed, then you all need to pitch in to help care for her.
Apparently, your sister has asked for help from her sisters and they cannot or will not offer help. POA does not mean she needs to care for your mom physically. She's in charge of taking care of financial and medical decisions when your mom cannot do those things for herself. It is impossible to do it all, though I think many people are trying their best to do it all, making themselves sick in the process. It does depend on how much help is required. If your sister makes this threat it means she is burnt out. Perhaps you all could get together and come up with a plan. It does really help to have input, but only if you can get along with each other. Remember that your sister is not getting anything out of being POA. She is only giving of herself in this situation. Help her find a solution, please, and don't resort to legality, just stay in the realm of concern for all.
Your question is very telling... Sounds like your sister is begging for help. Instead of hoping she can be legally forced to continue to burden the responsibility maybe the sisters could realise she is struggling and figure out a way to help her . I am the sister who is left to deal, and my sister does not realise how hard it is since she has chosen to never experience what I have. May I ask, why is it you do not want to help her?
I guess you don't understand the difference between being a person with POA and being a caregiver. There is no legal requirement that a person with POA ever provide caregiving. Folks with POAs make decisions, they don't provide care. Of course, there could be overlap if someone happens to be someone's caregiver as well, but there is no legal obligation for a person with POA to provide caregiving.
Sounds to me like she's tired of being the one responsible for everything at the cost of her own home life. If you and the other sisters aren't willing to share responsibility for mom's care, then it is time for a family meeting to decide the next step for mom.
This is a common misconception. There is no legal requirement that a person with POA is required to provide actual (physical) caregiving chores for the Elder/patient.
They can use their POA to either place the Elder in a facility, or hire caregivers to come to the home, paid for by the Elder's money. They can sell the Elder's home and use the profit to pay for the Elder's medical costs.
Being "responsible for finances and health decisions" DOES NOT mean the POA also must function as a full time Caregiver/Unpaid Slave.
Apparently none of you sisters will offer any help. It's already hard enough for the POA to deal with finances, doctor appts, coordinating with various doctors, ordering supplies, buying food, keeping the Elder clean and fed, and making sure the Elder's bills get paid.
A POA doesn't generally get paid for all they do, either. Have you ever worked 40-60 hours a week for anyone for FREE?
As all the other responses state, it is not a life sentence to be assigned POA. And your sister is free to do as she chooses.
But I want to add, neither does your sister have the right to insist her family members help. We see that occasionally on the forum where a POA has convinced the family members they have to pay for care or take a shift etc.
Your sister needs to use her mom’s assets to hire help. If there is no money, then the house needs to be sold and the money from the sale used to pay her way. If there is no house to sell or other property, then sister needs to find a SNF and file for Medicaid if mom qualifies for Medicaid physically and financially.
She does have a responsibility to not abandon mom without letting Adult protective services know that she is a vulnerable elder living alone. a state guardian will be found if all her family have abandoned her or are unable to care for her and she is in need of care.
I hope you are able to be of assistance in helping your sister come up with a plan to get mom help.
Pigge1, welcome to the forum. Please fill out the Profile so we can get a better understanding what is happening. Example, is your Mom in her 50's or in her 80's? Does your Mom live with your sister, or does your sister need to drive to your Mom's house?
What type of care does your Mom need? Does Mom have any physical issues? Does Mom have memory problems? There's a huge difference if your Mom just doesn't like being alone compared to someone who is a major fall risk with dementia.
POA = Power of Attorney, not hands on caregiver. It is a legal designation. Duties of the POA (when invoked, they don't have any legal duties until the power is invoked, depending on how it is written) Act on the Principal's benefit Pay Bills Manage Properties (including legally allowed to sell the property) Handling tax issues When Health Care POA as well -they are responsible for making medical decisions
As other's have said, in no way is the POA required to provide hands on care. Their only responsibility in that area is to ensure that the principal is cared for.
Being the primary caregiver is difficult. Being the SOLE caregiver is incredibly stressful -especially when there are siblings who are willing to offer opinions but not help.
If your sister decides to no longer provide hands on care for your mother, her responsibility is to either find her a safe home or let APS know that there is a vulnerable adult living on their own.
POA does not indicate that she is expected to resign herself to full time caregiver. And she can (and probably should) find appropriate care, so that she can also maintain her own life. While she can't insist that other family members participate in care, other family members cannot insist that she provide the care either.
What she doesn't have to do is involve family in the decision to move mom either. Out of courtesy, a POA can involve family - but ultimately if that POA is invoked, she doesn't have to consult with other family members at all.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
One sister is the one that has all the power?
And she is threatening not to help anymore?
I think that's what your saying?
Burnout is horrible, my advice to you would be for you to be more concerned with your sisters health.
And help her deal with this, no matter if your sister gets mom placed somewheres.
The stress of caregiving, tears family's apart. Trust I know.
When we should be working together, for whats best for mom, we end up , with horrible disfuction and anger .
Best of luck.
And of course you don’t have to as well, plan for different care needs to be established.
Sounds like your sister is begging for help. Instead of hoping she can be legally forced to continue to burden the responsibility maybe the sisters could realise she is struggling and figure out a way to help her .
I am the sister who is left to deal, and my sister does not realise how hard it is since she has chosen to never experience what I have.
May I ask, why is it you do not want to help her?
Sounds to me like she's tired of being the one responsible for everything at the cost of her own home life. If you and the other sisters aren't willing to share responsibility for mom's care, then it is time for a family meeting to decide the next step for mom.
Have you and your sisters considered helping out with Mom's care?
They can use their POA to either place the Elder in a facility, or hire caregivers to come to the home, paid for by the Elder's money. They can sell the Elder's home and use the profit to pay for the Elder's medical costs.
Being "responsible for finances and health decisions" DOES NOT mean the POA also must function as a full time Caregiver/Unpaid Slave.
Apparently none of you sisters will offer any help. It's already hard enough for the POA to deal with finances, doctor appts, coordinating with various doctors, ordering supplies, buying food, keeping the Elder clean and fed, and making sure the Elder's bills get paid.
A POA doesn't generally get paid for all they do, either. Have you ever worked 40-60 hours a week for anyone for FREE?
And your sister is free to do as she chooses.
But I want to add, neither does your sister have the right to insist her family members help. We see that occasionally on the forum where a POA has convinced the family members they have to pay for care or take a shift etc.
Your sister needs to use her mom’s assets to hire help. If there is no money, then the house needs to be sold and the money from the sale used to pay her way. If there is no house to sell or other property, then sister needs to find a SNF and file for Medicaid if mom qualifies for Medicaid physically and financially.
She does have a responsibility to not abandon mom without letting Adult protective services know that she is a vulnerable elder living alone. a state guardian will be found if all her family have abandoned her or are unable to care for her and she is in need of care.
I hope you are able to be of assistance in helping your sister come up with a plan to get mom help.
What type of care does your Mom need? Does Mom have any physical issues? Does Mom have memory problems? There's a huge difference if your Mom just doesn't like being alone compared to someone who is a major fall risk with dementia.
Please help us out here.
Act on the Principal's benefit
Pay Bills
Manage Properties (including legally allowed to sell the property)
Handling tax issues
When Health Care POA as well -they are responsible for making medical decisions
As other's have said, in no way is the POA required to provide hands on care. Their only responsibility in that area is to ensure that the principal is cared for.
Being the primary caregiver is difficult. Being the SOLE caregiver is incredibly stressful -especially when there are siblings who are willing to offer opinions but not help.
If your sister decides to no longer provide hands on care for your mother, her responsibility is to either find her a safe home or let APS know that there is a vulnerable adult living on their own.
POA does not indicate that she is expected to resign herself to full time caregiver. And she can (and probably should) find appropriate care, so that she can also maintain her own life. While she can't insist that other family members participate in care, other family members cannot insist that she provide the care either.
What she doesn't have to do is involve family in the decision to move mom either. Out of courtesy, a POA can involve family - but ultimately if that POA is invoked, she doesn't have to consult with other family members at all.