She is constantly accusing me of things with no foundation. Alienating my mother with dementia Alzheimer's and delerium from her friends and getting angry with my mother. This is causing me huge emotional stress and I am lost as what to do. I don't know where to go from here? Please could you let me know what to do in a situation where a POA is being irrational.
Before you can get the correct info, we need more info.
So lets say sister is with Mom in another country with POA. She has all the responsibility, While you two do whatever you want miles away. Yes, I see no reason why you can't be told how Mom is doing. Are your conversations telling her what she should be doing? She is POA. You can suggest but she is there and has the final decision. If she doesn't ask for input, don't give her any.
She really doesn't need to discuss her decisions with you, she is the POA. I didn't discuss anything with my brothers. I was the one handling the money and dealing with all the caregiver stuff. They weren't here to help with Moms caregiving 24/7. I told them when I placed her in an AL and then a NH. They weren't here for her decline.
Why would she accuse you of stuff miles away. With POA your sister is fully in charge. She is the one who determines who can receive Moms medical info. Maybe she is overcontrolling but she is the one dealing with it all. If you haven't been there, you have no idea what is involved in Moms care, Even when in an AL or NH you as POA still have responsibilities. Maybe sister needs a break. Would like to have a vacation.
No, the lawyer can't do anything about her accusations. But I would think he could tell her its in the best interest to Mom, to keep both of you up to date on her health. He can explain what her duties are as a POA. Alienating people is not one of them.