I'm retired, moved up to Georgia to be near my daughter, and also closer to our grandchildren and other family 4 hours away.
I have been taking care of my wife, who is 6 years older, for a couple of years. She doesn't know who I am half the time. She thinks I am her husband's friend sometimes.
Well, she wanted me to leave a couple of times when she said I shouldn't be here. 6 weeks ago, she started hitting me. So, I said, that's it. She was placed in a Memory Care facility.
She wants to come to where I live. She doesn't say "home". She says she loves me, but is really confused. I can't ever bring her home again, because nothing has changed.
I tell her each time, that I have to go to my sister's house to cook for her, as she has a new knee replacement. She says, "I'll come with you, and I can help". She wouldn't be any help. Should I keep up with this story, or move on to another story?
I am sorry for your wife's condition. My mother has Alzheimer's and I understand how difficult it is taking care of dementia/Alz people. My mother, too, constantly asks me to take her out all day long. Not knowing your wife's health, I can't make specific recommendations. However, here are some of the excuses I and some relatives use when we need to leave my mom home:
--I am going to walk the dog.
--I am taking the car to the mechanic then will walk home. (She doesn't like walking)
--Someone is coming to visit you so you need to stay home and wait.
--I am riding my bike so I can't take you along.
--I am going to the doctor
Sometimes, I just sneak out when
--she's in her room,
--in the restroom,
--busy doing something.
--talking to someone
--watching TV
My mother has no concept of time, and doesn't remember that I've been gone when she sees me again. Sometimes, she remembers and asks where I went, I just say I took the dog out.
Tell us more about your wife's condition and how much she can remember and understand. That will help us come up with better suggestions.
Give yourself the credit for that first of all. It will in turn give you more confidence when it comes to trusting your own judgement about how to reassure and pacify your wife when you need to.
The thing is, you can keep to this story and hope that consistency will win through in the end. Or, if it doesn't seem to be having the desired effect - which is, to save her being distressed when you leave - you can try a number of variations and see if there is one which satisfies her better. For example, rather than telling her where you're going, what about telling her instead when you will next see her?
My point is really that you are the best judge of what is helpful to her, and to me it sounds as if you're already alert to her feelings. I'm just sorry that there may not be a perfect answer.
Ken