I have a mom who really nags and is reckless with her words. I am her first son but not first born. When I started to work my father did not have a good job so I took over most of his responsibilities, like paying fees for my brothers and a sister. My mother never appreciated. I got married and my wife stayed with the rest of the family whilst i was in town. My mom would not allow her to give our son even porridge with peanut butter so I had to buy butter again she would be bitter saying to my wife you hide food. I got tired and took my wife away.
She came with my father at my work place and said she has asked him to quit his job they go home to live together. I dissuaded my daddy to do it but my mother retorted 'are you afraid to look after your brothers' at which I said I have been doing it even as he is employed. I told him that he won't survive the rural life and people but he was convinced and quit his job went to rural areas, and within a year and half he was given laced beer and passsed on. meanwhile ever month I would sent groceries home despite the fact that I was now staying with my wife and kids in town. My mother would tell anybody who cared that I am abusing tenants; money. (there is a family house in town but I don't stay there and I did not even knew the tenants and how much they paid my small sister and brothers collected the money) Even telling her in front of the other children that I don't touch that money she would insist until my young brother got a job and started to stay at the house. Now some of my brothers older than him do not want him to stay at that house so they are now using my mother as a weapon against him and she is giving him grief now that his employment was terminated abruptly and he is now surviving from his wife's little earnings I know he cannot afford to move out. He is the one who is with her who feeds her who has to run with her to the clinic when sick, ( she actually tell neigh ours she is sick and he only knows it from them) but she still unhappy with him. She now lumps us together yet when she is sick she does not look for help from these other brothers but from me and him. We are getting agitated with her and almost giving up. Anybody with ideas.
Sit down with her and tell her you will no longer participate in these games. Tell her, she knows where to find you when she truly needs help and is willing to make changes in her life. Tell her you will take her to the doctor, you will make sure she gets the hired help she needs or help her move to a care facility but you will not support any controlling behavior, whining, or causing strife among sibs. Tell her you will call to check on her once a week. Then stick to it.
Move on with your life, love your family and devote yourself, time, emotions and finances to YOUR loved ones where it means something and is appreciated and will make a difference.
Let go of the person (Mom) you cannot change. Do right by your sibs, but don't enable them either. She will gravitate to the children that will do what she wants when she wants. Don't get sucked in and the life sucked out of you.
It doesn't mean you don't love and care for her; it just means that you need to set your own emotional and financial boundaries. You can help in constructive ways without having to be full time caregiver to someone not willing to face reality or help themselves unless its their way.