Let me begin with, yes my mother is a Narcissist. Growing up, it has always been about her. She had 4 of us, one she sent way to foster care. The other three she pit against each other. She lies like no tomorrow. There is no room to love others because of her own selfishness. My father always worked and was never home. So she yelled, pushed arounds her kids, and ignored us as much as possible. I was the one that she admitted she hated as a child. How ironic, I am the only one that is taking care of her..Today she had many medical issues that forced her with my family that includes my mental ill husband, and ADHD son.
What was I thinking!! She lies ALL THE TIME, to family, doctors, etc. Refuses to do what she had to do to stay alive. Yet, if she thinks she is having a heart attach, call 911 now! Then when caught in lie or deception she hates life and wants to die. She is still trying to pit my own family against each other. She fake cries, lies all the time when corrected. Then when she doea nor get up and walk, she falls, unstable,gets dizzy. When she gets up every hour and walks her stability returns to normal.
My husband takes care of her. He came down with mental illness 2 years ago from high stress managent job. It is chaos daily. He tries and tries to get her to do the right thing, she lies, he feeds her balanced meals as instructed by Dr. She refuses or cries or lies. She has CHF and has to walk every hour and drink 6 8oz water daily. I come home from work, he is stressed, she is stressed. She does not walk, too tired, 1 glass of water Total and she is dehydrated. She is now longing for my attention, my son NEEDS my attention, my husband needs my attention. My mother puts on her narcissist behavior, starts crying, hand over face. Then starts, nobody cares or loves me. My husband now in anxiety attach, he has had enough, my son want mother, cant handle the chaos my mother is causing.
I am told by doctors she will die within 3 months if in nursing home because she has to walk every hour. Most of our battle..well lies, walking and drinking.
My grandmother had CHF and went to rehab, died 2 months later of CHF. If I can keep her, she will live. We kept her alive for 11 months but at everyones expense.
This family is stressed out.
I am stressed, working, trying to mend my family and I just want to put my mother in time out, in her room! I cant hand handle much more. Oh, my sisters and brother dont want her. And my mom is a Christian that lies, deceives and hurts others.
I dont know what to do. I started to lay ground rules and she does more fake cries, pouts, negative talking that nobody loves her. Husband is over it, losing patience, son losing patience and losing respect for grandmother.
And my mother seems to be holding the strings!
One minute she is crying and 5 minutes later laughing at the cat or dog! The family is upset because of her actions, and she acts like nothing is wrong!
Help, I dont know what to do anymore. I am out of ideas to bring this house together in Harmony.
I feel the key is to take care of yourself and do what's right for you and your family. I am the Scape-goated one too and although it became a habit to try and win my Mother's approval - only the opposite could ever happen.
Save yourself - leave her to those who are better able to cope with her.
No. Not so. We are, every one of us, going to die. Your mother is nearing the end of a long life on this planet and unless there is some unusual circumstance she is going to die before the three of you. Imagine the personal disasters you will be left with as a result of her living out her days with your family. Your family structure was complicated enough before she arrived.
Bottom line, she will die, it's inevitable. She will die in your home or she will die in the nursing home. Decide. ....And God bless you sweetheart.
I had lunch with my mother today, and the waitress at the ALF told me how lucky I was to have such a delightful mother! She asked me if I had a lot of fun growing up, saying she could just imagine what FUN it was growing up with Joanne as a mother. Uh huh, I could have told her stories that would have turned her hair gray........that's the thing; these women present one face (false) to the world, and an entirely different face to their 'loved ones'. The offspring of narcs are often looked at as being mean or nasty, since the rest of the planet thinks they're soooooooooo wonderful. It's no easy feat dealing with these people, and surely no FUN at all, believe me.
Just today she said she wants my husband gone because he makes her walk. She gets pleasure if she hurts you, yet she puts a smile on her face and acts like a sweet old lady with a knife behind her back while she weaves lies and deceives. The stress is horrible trying to do the right thing.
Thank you all for the insight. I now know what I need to do.
My family needs peace. I need peace. I will call around for a good nursing home where she can be happy.
Thank you ALL again.
But here's one more good reason. You will find that once your mother is safely placed in a good care facility, she won't be hurting you all any more and you will be able to love her again. It will be better for *her.* Remember that for when she kicks back.
Best of luck, please let us know how the search goes.