I grew up with parents who I believe have undiagnosed mental problems. Mom was a compulsive liar (and still is. She'll do or say something right in front of me and deny it seconds later, then do it again almost immediately and deny it again). Dad was angry all the time and OCD. Everything we said or did was the stupidest thing he'd ever seen or heard. We were a big imposition on both of them and weren't supposed to talk....ever. I didn't want to talk anyway because I knew an angry putdown would be the response. Mom ignored me. I quit talking at about age 6 and turned to books and animals and pulling out all my hair. I was terrified of people until about age 20 and spoke to no one, ever.
My brother and sister turned to substance abuse. He was always, always getting in trouble as a kid. My sister was in and out of mental institutes so I rarely saw her. Mom wanted to be high society so she did a lot to cover up my brother's vandalism, petty crimes, trouble at school, and the time he shot me in the leg with the pistol from Dad's drawer. Unlike me, my brother would lie for Mom, so she lied for him. Lying for each other was their bond.
When I was old enough, I left and didn't come back except for very brief, cordial visits every few years. I returned 3 yrs ago because I could see Mom and Dad needed help, and I'd forgotten much of what happened.
The nightmare has resumed.
My brother tried to get rid of me from the day I was born. Now he's got a wife and two kids and his daughter's boyfriend (a registered sex offender convicted of kidnapping in Ohio) all trying to get rid of me together. I've been able to find out what they're saying and plotting behind my back. I"m not clear why Mom goes along, but she has a need to be popular and she always pitted us against each other. And, of course, there's that bond she has with my brother and she's getting the same bond with his clan.
I'm not married and left my partner behind in another state because he's too close to retirement to quit and I also don't want to bring him into this insanity. Besides, my life is consumed with cleaning up poop, urine, spills and doing laundry, dishes, 6 meals a day for them, dr appts, daily mass for Dad, etc.......
Just before I arrived, my brother and his clan had successfully talked my parents into buying them a house, a car for him, another car for his daughter, and Mom personally gave him ALL of her savings (over $50k in checks), ALL in one year!
Someone advised my parents to hire a trust co, saying my brother would drain them and they'd end up bankrupt with no money for their healthcare.
I was here a year before I saw what had transpired before I arrived. Desperate for support or a way to protect myself AND my parents, the 5th attorney I contacted said I should get a conservatorship (I'm healthcare POA now and the trust co is POA financially)
My concerns about doing that are:
1. the cost. She told me it would cost $5k just to begin
2. Don't parents need to be deemed incompetent? Dad's memory is shot and he has trouble figuring out simple tasks or tuning in, but Mom is fairly clear, aside from hearing issues and lifelong personality disorders. Her memory is just barely starting to go. She's already been upset that the trust and I have been trying to keep her from giving what's left to my brother. If she's against it and not deemed incompetent, will this be a waste?
3. The attorney says I can reimburse myself if I have conservatorship but what is the likelihood of success in getting it? My brother would never fight it legally but what about the trust co? What about Mom? When I'm not present, they do everything they can to turn Mom and Dad against me, but especially Mom because she goes along. They know her weaknesses and will use guilt on her, or try to coerce her to tell them if I've been impatient with her so they can report me.
You were abused as a child. Your father did nothing to protect you from that abuse. He has thrown his lot in with your mother. I'm glad he's figured out how to stand up to your brother.
Their money is protected. Now protect yourself and your future.
To answer your question, no, you should not, but you should pursue your freedom.
Do you want MORE responsibility for them?
Dad has softened greatly in his old age and he saved me from my brother's clan on two occasions because he was so fed up with their antics... why would I punish and abandon him?
As I mentioned in the op, I've been gone a long time. I was a teen when I left, and lived a very isolated life as a child so I had no tools to process what was happening back then, and no one to say it was wrong or why. That and being away for 4 decades or so made my memory of the abuse details fade. I only had a vague idea of what had happened.
Plus, I didn't know if they'd changed, as I certainly had, so I had high hopes of finally creating a healthier relationship with my mother and father. I had no idea my brother, who I also havent seen since our teen years, was still so sinister and would still be trying to do away with me. He kept his scheming well-hidden but his daughter was unable to keep their secret hidden. She went on a mission all over the city to destroy me, not realizing that my brother's reputation precedes her (she didn't arrive here til she was 27), so people who've known the family from the past started tipping me off.
I spent most of the money from my house sale on renovating their attic so that I could live here without being tied to this city. Our city is in the top 5 cities in the U.S. of having the most rental houses owned by rental companies (instead of individuals) and those companies don't care about my high credit or situation. They require that everyone have income at least 3x rent for at least 6 months.
It took 2 years for me to build up clients in my previous career in another state and it's a physical, youth-favoring career, so I"m too old to start over. I could find plenty of jobs paying $7-$10/hr but that won't get me a place to live.