My 95 yr old mom lives with me , she has dementia , I do everything , docs, meds, a special diet , injections etc…
I pay someone on sundays to help so I can get out, I have recently set boundaries with a sibling ( who I have helped over & over ) she is angry & resenting the boundaries, however when she comes to stay with my mom one night, a week, she constantly talks about me over & over, I can hear it & my mom gets upset, however it s tricky , cause my mom has always babied my sister & still tries too & after hearing smack about me over & over , she starts believing my sister,
my sister does nothing to help, but sits & complains about me, I don t know what to do, if I tell her not to come over, she says I m keeping her from my mom, if I tell her to stop talking about me, upsetting my mom , she says she s not, or she tries to engage me in an argument, if I ever ask her to come over to help ,if I have to go somewhere ,the answer is no, I m at a loss what to do, Do I act lovingly to someone who just wants to talk behind my back for the sake of my mom or not?
Your mom has dementia so is no longer able to use logic and reason to work through the smack and bring herself back to a peaceful state of mind and tell sis THIS is the main reason she has earned a monitor. Be in the room and don't waiver on this.
I might tell sister that because she is constantly putting you down and upsetting Mom, she is no longer welcome in ur house. If she wants to see Mom, she can take her out for a nice drive or to lunch.