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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I would suggest that you do a search for your local Area on Aging. Every county in the US has one. This will be your starting point, your "one stop shop" if you will to learn about federal, state, and local services that may be available to you.
Rather than look for money, you may find an easier time finding services. In your circumstances, it sounds like case management, respite, and adult day care will be very helpful and these services can mostly be had at little or no charge through both public, private, and not for profit entities.
If she is eligible or can become eligible she may benefit from Medicaid home and community based services if available in your area. Medicaid will subsidize some expenses leaving more money for other services.
Lastly, if she or her spouse was a veteran she may be eligible for VA Aid and Attendance Improved Pension which will provide her, as a surviving spouse, up to $1056 per month towards her unreimbursed cost of care.
P.S. It is difficult to compel family members to do anything. Everyone has there reasons for being involved or not being involved...some of these issues may go way back to childhood in some instances. I encourage my clients not waste tears and energy trying to get others to do things. Focus on you, your family, and your mother. Reach out to those who have the capacity and willingness to be of service...there are angels out there.
Judil, since she still has friends, but they're in the same boat, maybe she should be visiting them at their house instead. She may need to stop thinking about herself a little, and more about the people that she still cares for. We all know when a person helps someone else, it helps them more. If you tell her that so and so is really down in the dumps and needs some company, why don't we drop by and visit? Bring a muffin or something, maybe she'll get out if she's doing it for someone less fortunate than herself. As far as the siblings are concerned, be specific when you tell them you need help. Don't leave it open ended and vague as to when you need them. Have specific times and activities that you want their assistance with. Maybe even a regular schedule that they know they are going to be doing something with their mother. Remind them that just because you're the one in the hot seat, they didn't dodge the bullet. If they won't help by being there, then make them cough up some money so you can hire someone. Either way, they need to get involved in one way or another. It's not just YOUR mother. Good luck, I hope something I said makes sense.
Is it possible to talk with your siblings and let them know how this is effecting you? If they can pitch in and hire someone to come in once or twice a week that will give you time to yourself or to do other things she needs. If your Mom refuses to stay with your sibs, can they come to your home to give you a break? Also, if you need an extended break, your Mom will just have to get used to staying in another family member's home for a short period. (ask naheaton above about "tough love"...she's my hero!) If you are just starting this journey, (and we have all been there) please remember, that since you are the primary caregiver that you have the final word. If your mother is not up to Easter services, then allow her to worship at home (God lives there too :o) Certain expectations are just not realistic as seniors get older. Stop putting additional stress on yourself - it seems to come on all by itself. My mother, too, is refusing to leave her home. We stopped fighting it and just make sure she is comfortable and happy. We bring her food, take care of errands, bring her to the doctor, etc... It is all work and no fun, but there is no one else stepping up to the plate to help. btw, you should be able to find an "office on aging" (goes by different names in each state) on either your state's website, (or city or county too.) good luck and wishing you a calm Happy Easter
She does have some friends, but even though they have promised to come see her none of them have. She had a church, but it is about an hour away from my house. A lot of her friends/peers are in the same boat. She started going to church with me, but for the last 5 weeks she has refused to go. I am really stressed out right now because my family really wants all of us to attend church together this Sunday for Easter - (we have never not gone to church together on Easter), mom has been refusing to go lately. I am not at all sure what to do with her right now if she refuses to leave the house.
Has your mother any friends/peers anymore that could encourage her? Maybe one of them would come and play cards/games whatever, with her once in a while. What about church? Did she have a church that she went to regularly? If so, put the word out to whoever is in charge of senior activities and ask them for help in suggesting someone that might come and sit with her. Put on some music that she likes too. I love going to my 'happy place' with my music when I get stressed out.
How do I find our local office on aging? Is the the Medicare/Medicaid office? My dad died in October and my mom has moved in with me, my 3 siblings just assumed we would be the best bet for her. Two of my daughters help out during the week day so I can work. I can not afford to quit my job. Mom has dementia, depression and some stomach problems as well. I would like to pay someone to come into my home to help with mom. Most days she refuses to leave the house, so even if my siblings did offer to let her come stay with them for a little while, she would refuse.
Is this assitance for you or for a loved one? The basic answer is see if you can qualify for Medicare/Medicaid. States have some assistance...contact your local office on aging. Everything depends on income, age, and physical state. good luck
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Rather than look for money, you may find an easier time finding services. In your circumstances, it sounds like case management, respite, and adult day care will be very helpful and these services can mostly be had at little or no charge through both public, private, and not for profit entities.
If she is eligible or can become eligible she may benefit from Medicaid home and community based services if available in your area. Medicaid will subsidize some expenses leaving more money for other services.
Lastly, if she or her spouse was a veteran she may be eligible for VA Aid and Attendance Improved Pension which will provide her, as a surviving spouse, up to $1056 per month towards her unreimbursed cost of care.
P.S. It is difficult to compel family members to do anything. Everyone has there reasons for being involved or not being involved...some of these issues may go way back to childhood in some instances. I encourage my clients not waste tears and energy trying to get others to do things. Focus on you, your family, and your mother. Reach out to those who have the capacity and willingness to be of service...there are angels out there.
If you are just starting this journey, (and we have all been there) please remember, that since you are the primary caregiver that you have the final word. If your mother is not up to Easter services, then allow her to worship at home (God lives there too :o) Certain expectations are just not realistic as seniors get older. Stop putting additional stress on yourself - it seems to come on all by itself.
My mother, too, is refusing to leave her home. We stopped fighting it and just make sure she is comfortable and happy. We bring her food, take care of errands, bring her to the doctor, etc... It is all work and no fun, but there is no one else stepping up to the plate to help.
btw, you should be able to find an "office on aging" (goes by different names in each state) on either your state's website, (or city or county too.)
good luck and wishing you a calm Happy Easter
Everything depends on income, age, and physical state.
good luck