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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Not sure what exactly you are asking?? You will need to decide how much you can afford, usually not nearly what you wish you could. Then you need to decide what exactly you need. Bath aides? While you are at work? Overnight relief? Someone to stay with her while you run errands/get respite?? Some people find that adult daycare works great, it gives the seniors social interaction and decreases boredom.
Jan, do you and your husband work? I'm guessing no, because then you would know that you needed aides during those times. It sounds like you feel like you and husband need some ME time. Alone and together? How about this? Find an agency that will commit to sending the same aide each week on a given day for a given amount of time. Arrange to have this person come for a few hours (paid of course) at a time when you can be there, show her where everything is and chat with her and your mom. Make a plan with your husband for "date day".. things you like to do together (movies perhaps) and some you like to do alone (library, grocery shopping).
If someone is scheduled to come, and you haven't made plans with your husband, you could go grocery shopping, housework, bake, laundry, gardening, exercise, sew. Any number of things could be done spur of the moment that you might have found out are more difficult with mom living there. I can totally relate to your dilemma. I also agree with the suggestion of having someone come while you are at home to get all of you used to having help. It can be strange at first.
While Babalou makes a valid point about Assisted Living, not everyone is comfortable with that solution. Also, in our case, we feel that MIL falls somewhere between AL and full on nursing home. We know people in AL, so we do have an understanding of what that entails, although I do realize that there are various levels of assistance. However, right now that isn't an option we are considering.
However, those who choose to caregive at home do need some personal time, too. No matter what you choose to do with that time, it is helpful, I might even say imperative, for there to be some time when you are not on duty, so to speak. If you have family members who are over for a visit, they can take over for you, or even friends could. But it is not unheard of to hire a companion, either through an agency or elsewhere, who can relieve you for a while.
If your mother is able, she could sit outside with you while you garden. If she is able, she could hand you pins while you sew. She could fold washcloths and mate socks, peel potatoes, snap beans, or a myriad of other small chores. However, sometimes we just want time alone to do what needs to be done. Nothing wrong in feeling that way, and if it's what keeps you going, then it is what needs to be done. Do what feels right for you and for your situation, and yes, we have had companions from an agency come even while I am home. Since Mom is technically the client, the aides will do things that benefit her. So if she's resting and doesn't need immediate attention, they will clean her bathroom, do her laundry, if she's not in her room they can vacuum her floor and change her bed linens. Even those small acts are a big help to me.
My mom would not like daycare, she really isn't in that good of health. I guess what I'm saying is I don't know when I need relief. I'm used to going out of the house whenever... not planned necessarily. I was wondering how others planned their time out. The last two Sundays I had niece and mother-in-law here on spur of the moment so we could get out and my husband and I left the house and didn't know what to do with ourselves. So, I was wondering what others did to plan their time out. For instance, if a caregiver is scheduled on a Saturday from noon to 8 p.m., what do you do? Do you leave the house for the entire time? I don't know... I'm just uneasy with the whole thing. Is that more clear?
My husband works but I am unable to because of caring for my mom. Thank you for your advice, Babalou, I guess it's something I knew but was looking for other suggestions. I guess it is just going to be a matter of getting used to it.... usually we are very spontaneous and don't plan so this will be quite an adjustment for us. I also don't want to have someone scheduled to come here and then we don't want to be gone. I don't know... it's all just too weird for me.
Thank you, txcamper. I tend to feel that if I'm home, I am able to take care of my mom; but, when that happens, I can't do anything without getting interrupted. Even when I need some "me" time relaxing outside, my name gets called after just a few minutes. So I guess people have aides come in and help with a loved one even if the family member (main caregiver) remains at home while aide is there?
Here's the thing. You mom sounds lonely. That's the nice thing about Assisted Living is that there is always someone around to talk to, YOU the caregiver are not the Entertainment Committee as well. My grandmother lived with us when I was a young teenager and she used to complain all the time that she was lonely; it was one of the main reasons that when my mom needed more attention and supervision, our choice was to move her to a facility rather than bring in aides or move her to one of our (small) homes. Just a thought.
Babalou ~ While I appreciate your view of AL, that choice just isn't for us. I know my mom would not do well in that situation. And, you are absolutely right, txcamper... caregivers at home NEED personal time. I have found an agency that seems to be a perfect fit for our needs. Although it will be an adjustment on our part, someone will be starting this weekend. Now, I just have to get a schedule that suits us. Thank you, ladies, for your comments!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Then you need to decide what exactly you need. Bath aides? While you are at work? Overnight relief? Someone to stay with her while you run errands/get respite??
Some people find that adult daycare works great, it gives the seniors social interaction and decreases boredom.
It sounds like you feel like you and husband need some ME time. Alone and together? How about this? Find an agency that will commit to sending the same aide each week on a given day for a given amount of time. Arrange to have this person come for a few hours (paid of course) at a time when you can be there, show her where everything is and chat with her and your mom. Make a plan with your husband for "date day".. things you like to do together (movies perhaps) and some you like to do alone (library, grocery shopping).
However, those who choose to caregive at home do need some personal time, too. No matter what you choose to do with that time, it is helpful, I might even say imperative, for there to be some time when you are not on duty, so to speak. If you have family members who are over for a visit, they can take over for you, or even friends could. But it is not unheard of to hire a companion, either through an agency or elsewhere, who can relieve you for a while.
If your mother is able, she could sit outside with you while you garden. If she is able, she could hand you pins while you sew. She could fold washcloths and mate socks, peel potatoes, snap beans, or a myriad of other small chores. However, sometimes we just want time alone to do what needs to be done. Nothing wrong in feeling that way, and if it's what keeps you going, then it is what needs to be done. Do what feels right for you and for your situation, and yes, we have had companions from an agency come even while I am home. Since Mom is technically the client, the aides will do things that benefit her. So if she's resting and doesn't need immediate attention, they will clean her bathroom, do her laundry, if she's not in her room they can vacuum her floor and change her bed linens. Even those small acts are a big help to me.