I will try to be brief. Our 86yr old neighbor is by himself, never married, no children. He has mild dementia. Most days he is lucid and fine, others he forgets everything short term. He has made it clear to us many times he does not want to leave his house even when we have spoken about alternatives. This past weekend one of his out of state nephews visited. I should mention that these nephews only come in once per 3-5yrs; for about a day or two.
We are his lifeline. We have known him for 30 yrs. He trusts us. We visit with him every evening. I have students from my university visit with him a few nights/week. We have him going to bible study and a senior center so he can get socialization. He made my wife durable POA back in 2015. The nephews do not know this. He also stated years ago they are only after his house and property upon his death. He changed his will years ago and also made my wife executrix. Should we tell these vultures that she is POA?
As POA you must act in the best interest of the individual you are looking out for correct? Does this POA give her any say over the nephews intent? As long as he is able to make decisions for himself, then its totally his option as what to do, POA or not. Our lawyer told us the law protects individuals who want to remain in their house even if they have mild dementia. Unfortunately, it sometimes comes down to an accident and they are forced into an other living arrangement.
My fear is if we tell them she is POA, they will make him change it and not act in his best interest.
If he does go into an assisted living facility (which I think he should do) it will not be long until his limited funds are used up, therefore Medicaid possibly putting a lien on his assets. My wife and her family have a long history of caring for older relatives. Her uncle cared for his mother (my wife's grandmother) till she passes at 102. I think this is part of her spirit.
As our lawyer told us, and he is an elder law lawyer, only a judge can order someone out of their house. If they have any lucid moments then its up to them. We have spoken to him about moving into assisted living and sometimes he is open to the idea and other times tells us to stop. His doctor recently suspended his driver's license through DOT. This was due to his mild dementia. He has sold his car. I just don't want to find him on the floor one day - it keeps me up at night. I don't like being in this 'grey' area.
In fact, he told us that he mentioned to his uncle he should sell his house 20yrs ago and move into something smaller or an apartment. He recommended we purchase it. This tells me this person has no personal interest in his house or property. It gives me a piece of mind that we can work together.
I can't say the same for the other nephew until I speak to him.
Thank you for all the recommendations.
I would not tell them about the Will. At this point, its really none of their business. Wills are a private thing.
She thrived. She made new friends, ate better, got better, more consistent medical and psychiatric care.
In short, I think your wife is wrong
Worriedincali is right. This is only going to get worse. This man has relied on you for 30 years. Are you prepared to do hands on care giving when the time comes?
Yes there is the issue of increasing dementia - but first priority remains his welfare and happiness. Whilst he’s able to enjoy being at home with caring neighbours watching over it would seem that is best.
Think UK POA’s are slightly different - they have to be registered to be valid and from that point the POA takes control. I used to still chat to dad about his wishes anyway.
If he has has dementia then legally he cannot sign another POA due to this.
We had to write to all relatives about the POA in case there were objections. However, you will need to work with his nephews at some point should his dementia worsen or falls become more frequent.
Difficult when you are trying to enable him and feel they are not really interested in his welfare. I would certainly check that he would legally be unable to sign any new document and then mention it to them if it’s in force
Best of luck, hope it works out
"Feel them out" first and find out what they'll do or not do before being frank about your own efforts.