Quick Recap: Last year I became "in charge" of my Mom when my step-dad passed away. She has moderate dementia and can't be left alone. About a year ago, I moved her successfully into a Memory Care Home, about 5 minutes up the road. She settled in, and had a good three to four month run from mid-January to just recently.
Two weeks ago, her brother, whom she hadn't seen in 12 years, was brought to town by my cousin for a visit. He has Alzheimer's, but it was still a sweet reunion. Totally NOT in Mom's normal routine or schedule. Then the following week her personal trainer was out of town, so two BIG changes and coincidentally (or not) she has claimed bowel issues since then.
She thinks she's constipated all the time, and is convinced drinking diet coke keeps her regular. So the diet coke gives her gas, possibly contributes to her diarrhea (which is what she really has), and it's a viscous cycle.
Additionally, her paranoia has increased. She thinks people are stealing her Diet Coke's because she's drinking them so fast because she thinks she's constipated. So she hides her Diet Coke, then can't find it, then gets mad. She's mad. She's mad when she can't find the Diet Coke, she's mad because she's "constipated" she's mad that nobody is fixing the constipation etc.
The nurse decided to increase her depacote to hopefully address the anger/agitation, but so far I haven't seen any changes other than more obsession, more paranoia.
This evening, the nurse called me to ask how we decrease or eliminate the diet coke. ARGH....I warned her that Mom would be angry at everyone, but that I was willing to let her run out and not bring a new supply.
The nurse pointed out that she's already unhappy, so it's not like we would be taking a happy person and depriving them of their only treat.
Thanks for listening to me vent....I hate that I can't fix this, or reason with Mom. She's always been stubborn and once she gets something in her head, dementia or not, she is hard to budge.
Anyone experience something similar or have words of advice or encouragement?
My sister now lives in the same IL, and one of the residents is a woman who is 107! She can still get around, live independently and according to my sister, she is a barrel of laughs and is full of life, tells wonderful stories of her experiences. I'd like that to be me some day but if I am sick and unhappy, no I wouldn't want to live to 101, especially if I took everyone around me down.
I think with my mother, a lot of her negativity was generational and her personality. She looked for things to find fault with and that wasn't just when she was 90, but always. That was just her, and it got worse as she aged. She was raised by family where men were important and woman, not so much, so she sometimes used helpless and being a victim to try for sympathy. It was sad, because she could flip in a minute and be stubbornly independent as well. At 70 she married a domineering horrible misogynist who controlled everything she did and thought. I think he pushed her the rest of the way and I hate to say it but family rejoiced when he died in 2000 because he treated her like a servant and like a pet - a possession. If he had lived, she surely would not have survived more than a couple of years.
She hasn't called and left any awful voice mail messages!
Took her to the 4th of July parade yesterday and we all had a good time.
The Diet Coke obsession is still there, but diminished, not any rage anymore.
Maybe it's a phase that's going to come and go.
The appointment with the neurologist who specializes in Dementia is set up for a couple of weeks from now...
For the moment, life is good.
Anyway, she had a good day yesterday, but this morning she's called four times:
She can't poop, she needs diet coke, she only has $2, and she's yelled each time. I only answered the first call, let the rest go to voice mail so she can yell freely at my voice mail.
UGH.
Mom has gotten much better, as far as her rage and obsession goes, although I still get an occasional angry voice mail and/or call (if I answer.)
Friday I took Mom to a neurologist who specializes in dementia, and she took a bunch of cognitive tests, they also want her to get an MRI to see if they can pin point which dementia she has. They said it would help them treat it if they know what kind she has. With approx. 90 types, I'm thinking this could be a long shot, but what do I know. I kept expecting Mom to get frustrated and angry and refuse to take the tests, but she was a real trooper and kept trying.
She had the most trouble drawing a watch face...she got the numbers, but could not draw the hands at all.
Today I took her to the Dentist, then Olive Garden for lunch, and then her training session at the gym. She was pleasant the whole day. Maybe the rage thing has calmed down for now.
I'll keep you guys posted.