My wife was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago and it's progressing. I retired to be home with her.
As I am her sole care giver, what happens if something suddenly happens to me? We have no children or nearby relatives.
I'm healthy but at age 66, who knows what can suddenly happen.
I have no backup.
FYI my family just lost my cousin, age 62 -- very fit and athletic his entire life, with no known medical issues or "bad habits". Found him sitting on his couch as if he were sleeping, tv on, wearing his glasses, 1/2 a glass of beer next to him... the autopsy came back inconclusive so family is awaiting a toxicology report. He was my exact age and we are just still so shocked. But you are correct -- who know what can suddenly happen -- to anyone. May you receive much wisdom and peace in your heart as you plan for the future.
Let Relatives know what you want before something happens.
Write instructions on your wishes and leave on Refrigerator.
If no instructions are left, she would be put in Nursing Home.
Fortunately, I had a brother to back me up on decision making. He had a full-time job and wasn't able to provide much hands-on care, but he stayed with Mom for a few hours at a time and was available to discuss decisions. If something happened to me, he was secondary POA and would take over. If you do not have someone in your family you are comfortable as your secondary decision maker, I would encourage you to consider setting up a "committee" with at least one person local and the others being an attorney and a member from some organization that knows your wife, a club member or a member of her family or clergy perhaps.
We aren't quite there yet, but I expect we will be next year. Right now with cameras my husband can be alone for a day or so, but my backup is his niece with stage 4 breast cancer. It is spreading in her body and I might be helping her soon.
You need to expand your network of caregivers for your wife. Since you don't have children, it would be helpful to have nieces and/or nephews that check in on you both daily - at least by phone. It would also be helpful to have neighbors that know you and your spouse. Those neighbors should know you well enough to notice problems and could call 911 or distant family. Consider members of your faith community and paid helpers that could become caregivers. Please consider teaching some of these people about your wife's care. Allow a caregiver or several time with caring for your wife at least weekly - such as when you go shopping or to your doctor. You will need someone to be able to step in and provide care for the occasional time without your wife and for emergencies.
If you are disabled or dead, you want family and friends to step in until long term help could be arranged. In the absence of all help, hope that somebody notices you are unable to function or that your wife is still able to call 911. The local authorities will place her into the hospital temporarily until social services can place her into a long term care residence. I shudder to think of your wife at home, unable to remember how to get help, and suffering neglect since she can't care for herself and you suffer too.
For long term I set up a special needs trust for my Husband when I had my "papers" drawn up. He would have been placed in a facility and the trust would have been there for his care. His daughter would have been made his Guardian at that point.
For emergencies I had my sister as a back up for something that would be longer but not permanent.
For day to day I did have caregivers that came in almost daily and their hours could have been rearranged to accommodate a "quick" emergency.
For you I suggest that you start now and have caregivers come in a few times a week. Not only will this help you but it will get her used to having someone else in the house helping her.
You should never be the "sole" caregiver. No one can be caregiver 24/7/365 you need to still have time for you.
If she has friends encourage them to come by and visit. If they are comfortable visiting if you had to make a doctor appointment for your self you could arrange with a friend of hers to stay with her.
Check out places and perhaps make a deposit on a facility, just in case.
Have instructions drawn up and held by atty and a responsible party.
Hiring help who can be there to assist for as many or few hours as needed, who can also check up on you daily.
If there are no close or trusted family members, then an alternative should be chosen who will manage everything. A good EC atty can assist with long term planning, recommend fiduciaries who can manage finances for her, get guardian appointed, etc. Planning should include both short term and long term situations (short hospital stay, longer stay, your untimely demise.)
It would be best if you could find the place for her that you would prefer her to be in - if they can take a deposit (refundable is best!) with no time planned, just an at-will, that would be great! If possible, have a secondary option available, just in case. Your instructions could specify preference and even stipulate she move from option 2 to option 1 if space opens up.
If relatives aren't available check into Companies/professionals that take on the administrative duties of DPOA to make sure her bills are paid.
Make an appointment with an elder care attorney and see what options are open for the continued care of your wife if something happens to you. They should be able to help you draw up the appropriate documentation and maybe a trust for her.
I'm so sorry for the two of you, she is so young to be going through this. Remember to take care of yourself as well as her. Blessings on you and your wife.
I almost mentioned assigning an alternative POA in my comment, but caught myself! Unless the wife is capable (doesn't sound like she would be) of appointing the POA, then it would have to be guardian/stewardship.
The EC atty visit is highly recommended. They help with long term planning and can recommend fiduciary who can take over financial duties if no one is available or wants the guardian/stewardship. A guardian would need to be appointed, so it would be best to have a place selected and "reserved" if possible, for her AND have hired help or someone who can check in daily to ensure all is well!