My husband who is 60 is bedridden and I am his "caregiver". I haven't had sex for 3 years now and it's really bothering me. He doesn't even bring the topic up, try to kiss me, (he could if he wanted), no holding hands, never wants to snuggle (I have asked), nothing. He is okay with it. I'm not. I want more than just kisses and snuggling however don't even get that. What is the healthy spouse to do? Sad, thinking I will never be loved in that way by a man again. I would love to hug a man, kiss, and you know.. I can't be the only one out there in the same situation. .
I know some people don't like this subject. We should be able to talk about anything here going through what we go through, as long as it's respectful .
It could very well be that your husband no longer sees himself as a man because of his condition. Very likely he's sad and depressed because he may think you no longer see him as a man and a husband. It's hard for a man who isn't elderly to have his wife do things like wipe his a**, empty a bedpan, give a bed bath, or change a diaper. So, he's turned off all affection towards you and that's his defense mechanism for coping with the situation you are both in. Is it possible for you to bring in some outside hired caregivers to help with some of the hands-on care? Your husband's lack of affection towards you would probably improve if someone else was taking care of some of it.
The two of you could benefit greatly from on-line couples' sex therapy. I'm not saying this to be funny because it's a real thing. Many couples in your situation who have a disabled partner are still able to enjoy a sexual relationship by learning different ways to have one.
Maybe your husband will be open minded to trying therapy.
If he is not, then you should not suffer. You could discreetly take a lover without your husband ever having to know. There's no need to hurt someone's feelings. Good luck to you both.
No problem, Lol
Thank you!
I was never asked to meet anyone here for adult activities..
I think it's a slippery slope. What if you had a friend with benefits and suddenly it became more than a friendship? It's happened. They write books and do movies about it all the time. I know this is an old thread but if the OP is still reading I would suggest counseling and if this is something you feel you really can't live with end the marriage but don't go outside the marriage for gratification. Just my opinion.
Ah well, another day ahead!!
It was hard for me to accept celibacy in the beginning, but once I got over my resentment and accepted it, it became a lot easier.
Best of luck to you.