so my mom has recently been in a different nursing home, She has major mental issues and tried to end her life last night. Not the first attempt by any means, and it won't be the last. We are on the fourth place now in a year, and well I have no idea when and where I will put her next, I cant afford any place and well her actions have gotten her in the place that she is in. I cant reason with her and well no one wants to help because she is abusive, the hosp even turned her away said no we dont want her because of pass years of issues. So now what is there anyone that has gone through this, I am at my end of the rope I cant do this its been years of this
Where exactly is your mother at the moment? And what are your circumstances - are you living alone or with other people, are you working, what else is going on in your life?
I really can imagine how heart-sinking it is to have a parent nobody wants to take in. But remember: your mother may be a very difficult person to look after, she may have very complex needs, BUT SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE and I really doubt if she's the worst. After all, just for example, there are big strong men in late middle age whose dementia makes them violent - but one way or another their families get through. It may not be pretty, but there will be a way.
Also remember that you are not responsible for your mother's behaviour. She's your mother, not your child. If other people push her away because she's abusive, remember that you too are a the victim of her abuse, you're not the perpetrator. If you're prepared to help her in spite of her behaviour, so will others be.
There will be a way. Keep asking until someone helps you find it. Can you tell us a little more about what kind of conditions your mother has been diagnosed with? What kind of care she needs?
I salute you for your devotion for and care of your mother. I wish you...peace.
Please keep us posted. Keeping you in my prayers.
Also speak with the NH. Typically they can't just discharge your mom without her having a care plan if she is not competent. That said....they will pressure YOU and family to take her. Don't. Refuse their calls and refuse to assume discharge and responsibility.
They can consult with local behavioral center, etc. to find suitable placement. There are limited geriatric psych care facilities and they may not be located near where she lives or near family, but at least they exist and you have choices. I've heared to always visit and get references as some are better than others.
Sorry you and your mom are going thru yet another crisis. You both need help, and mom will get what she needs. If you take charge, the system will continue to dump on you just to get her out of their system...don't take her, is my advice otherwise the entire onus is on you to secure care for her and you need more help at this point.
@missmel - your mother needs professional mental health care, and a geriatric psychiatrist. As sunflo says, as long as you accept her back the system will continue to dump her on you. Be firm that you can no longer deal with her. I have found that social workers will try to palm things off on you. Don't accept that. My mother never said she loved me either. Due to her disorder, she is incapable of normal love. It is something I have had to accept, and grieve for the mother I needed and never had.
Keep in touch and do something good for you today. ((((((hugs)))))
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