so my mom has recently been in a different nursing home, She has major mental issues and tried to end her life last night. Not the first attempt by any means, and it won't be the last. We are on the fourth place now in a year, and well I have no idea when and where I will put her next, I cant afford any place and well her actions have gotten her in the place that she is in. I cant reason with her and well no one wants to help because she is abusive, the hosp even turned her away said no we dont want her because of pass years of issues. So now what is there anyone that has gone through this, I am at my end of the rope I cant do this its been years of this
Your mom never said she loved you.....and you know what? Neither did mine. I cannot remember a single time in my childhood when my mom ever acted loving toward me. But don't believe that the love doesn't exist, because it does, I assure you. Some people are completely incapable of showing any form of affection whatsoever. I don't know why, but I do know that you and I both have experienced this from our own moms. It was hard (if not impossible) for me to form bonds with other women. Took me years. How could I, when the primary nurturer in my life never showed me how that's done? I got through all this, and so will you.
Now that I know more of what you're dealing with, I can see that my first post was premature and not of any help. The other people posting here all have awesome advice.
I just want you to know that you're not alone, this is not your fault, you are not responsible for your mother's happiness (only she can take that responsibility) and you will get through this and come out the other side ok. But you must take care of you and put yourself first for a change.
Also speak with the NH. Typically they can't just discharge your mom without her having a care plan if she is not competent. That said....they will pressure YOU and family to take her. Don't. Refuse their calls and refuse to assume discharge and responsibility.
They can consult with local behavioral center, etc. to find suitable placement. There are limited geriatric psych care facilities and they may not be located near where she lives or near family, but at least they exist and you have choices. I've heared to always visit and get references as some are better than others.
Sorry you and your mom are going thru yet another crisis. You both need help, and mom will get what she needs. If you take charge, the system will continue to dump on you just to get her out of their system...don't take her, is my advice otherwise the entire onus is on you to secure care for her and you need more help at this point.
@missmel - your mother needs professional mental health care, and a geriatric psychiatrist. As sunflo says, as long as you accept her back the system will continue to dump her on you. Be firm that you can no longer deal with her. I have found that social workers will try to palm things off on you. Don't accept that. My mother never said she loved me either. Due to her disorder, she is incapable of normal love. It is something I have had to accept, and grieve for the mother I needed and never had.
Keep in touch and do something good for you today. ((((((hugs)))))
Now they are sitting around laughing at her and making fun of her - really? Can you not take calls for a while and send someone else in to check on her? Maybe even the attorney.
Hugs to you!!!
I would assume that you haven't had the time, with your job etc., to pursue a mental health facility and/or don't want to since it may be further away for you to visit...but you have said she has "major mental health issues" and "is abusive". A nursing home is not the right place for her. It has also been a revolving door of placing her in various nursing homes. STOP THE CYCLE. Aren't you tired? Don't you think you and your mother deserve better, than waiting for the next shoe to drop (the next NH to eject her) Put an end to it once and for all. Take time off of your job...investigate mental health facilities and get her appropriate care in an appropriate facility and hopefully that will stop this cycle. Do it for your mother...do it for you and your mental health. Set that as your goal and actively pursue it immediately. Say...'Enough!' and make some major changes that will bring improvement to your life and your mothers'. Take the bull by the horns and get some things done...permanently.
Good luck...I wish you peace and hope you seek-out a better solution than getting mad, sick, not eating etc. Stop dancing with nursing homes...pursue a mental health facility. That is the right thing to do.
The difficulty you are having.
I find it very unacceptable the
nursing homes attitude and care.
I feel we are getting close to neglect and abuse and the making of false medical reports.
In my state, such an incident
Would prompt the state to
Issue an emergency order on
The whole facility, which would
also include a hold on all state
Medicade payments.
Has the ombudsman or the state
Given you any direction, the same
with your attorney.
I wish both you and your mom well.